Week 2 of Homeschool

Well we made it thru week one of our home school excurision with only a few butt heads and foot stomping - more so on my part than Drews.

We have entered week 2 and Drew is discovering the benefits of this more and more. Yesterday he had gotten up ungodly early and was exhausted when the timer went off to start school at 9. We attempted to work on some stuff and he finally looked at me and said " I just can't do it. I need more sleep." At first I thought it was a ploy to watch more TV so I told him he could go lay on the couch BUT he had to turn off the TV. To my surprise he did and was asleep within 5 minutes. He woke up about 90 minutes later and said OK ready for school. He did all is work no problems and was in a much better mood. HE actually told me it was an advantage to HS because he couldn't do that at WildHawk. Because you know you have to do what the teacher says and they don't have nap time at school. But sometimes mom, ya just gotta get some sleep.

Drew has a facsination with SHARKS anything shark. So Sunday Scott programed the DVR to record a bunch of shows from Shark Week on Discovery. Drew was very surprised when I told him his science yesterday was watching TV. We went up stairs and watched a shark show together. He didn't believe TV counted as school and wanted me to double check wiht his Educational Specialist because he thought he was breaking the rules.

Today we are going to the Post office to pick up a box of books I ordered from a dicount book place. THere are some more workbooks to get us thru until his textbooks get here as well as lots of hard cover reading books. To me it will be like Christmas opening this box.

I am learning lots about Drew as we go thru this journey together. He is a hands on learner. I tried for 10 minutes to get him to draw on the face of a clock different times to no avail but when i handed him a clock wiht moveable hands he got every time I gave him correct. He hates to write things down. Holding a pencil is hard for him so I am already learning to be inventive.

Today we are making slime, and watching a shark show, and who knows where the wind might take us....

first day of school

Yes it is only the end of July but Drew decided he was ready to start school. Nice thing about homeschool we could start today. Scott and I scrambled around and got the class room set up. I got some work sheets put together. ( I was chastised this morning because there was nothing in the plans about sharks or science)

Drew worked hard, did find out I was not going to cut him slack. We did have a couple meltdowns - drew not me. We managed to cover language arts, math, handwriting and social studies. That was in a 2 hour period with 20 mintues of playing out side, a snack, and 2 water breaks.

Our actually books for the year won't be here until around September 1. Our ES will put in the order as soon as Drew's account is funded somewhere around August 17. I do have some other books on order, workbooks, reading books etc to help fill the time.

I am going to the old school this afternoon to officially withdraw Drew from the school. I am also sending a letter to the district telling them why we are withdrawing him. The lack of help with getting a 504, lack of willingness to work with Drew's disabilities - which we are finding out are different than we originally thought. Both good and bad. Another reason we are pulling him is the lack of funding for schools. His class this year if he was in main stream school would be about 25. There is no way for a teacher to give the kids the attention they need to grow and succeed. We are working with a couple home school groups for social interaction as well as swimming and sports.

I know that HS will be a challenge but it is one that I am willing to invest in for Drew's future.

all thumbs give away

I love this idea. How do people come up with these ideas? Check out this give a way at All thumbs.

I have always wanted a personal shopper and this one seems to be with in my budget.

Drewism

Many days Drew says something and I think I need to blog about it and then later I can't remember what he said or how he said it that made it funny but here is what he said today.

We have always told Drew that stupid is a "bad word" and you shouldn't use it.

Tonight we were watching the local news and they were discussing the fact that the Govenor had furologhed all state employees 3 days a month BUT the departments were bringing in Contract workers to supplement on furlogh days.

Scott said: That is just stupid.

Drew said: You shouldn't said stupid, It is a bad word.

Scott: When we are talking about the government stupid is the only word that fits.

Drew: Say pathetic because that is the word that should be used when talking about the government. Because, dad the government is just pathetic.

Luke Yoder

This is a friend of a friend son. It shows how fast life can change on a dime. Please pray or send positive energy for recovery and healing.

http://lukeyoder.wordpress.com/

two post day

I have to tell you about this awesome give away I found this morning. I have mentioned PhatFiber before but this is one of my fave stores they promote.

Silversunalpacas on ETSY is one of my all time fave shops EVER!!!! The fibers there are a must have. I drool over every thing and wish I had the talent to do some of the stuff they do. MAybe some day - I am dyeing yarn this weekend - but I digress. This weekend only they have a special code that gives you 20% off your purchase (phat7) Not only that if you order a drop spindle kit it comes with 8 oz of fiber instead of 4. The 20% off doesn't apply but it is such an awesome deal who cares?

Check out this give away on Phat Fibers website. If you win I want one month of the fiber as a finders fee.

New Church

AFter being back at St. Margaret's in Lawrence while we were on vacation I knew we had to get back to an Episcopal Church in Sacramento. While the church we were attending was all right we (I) never felt a connection to the people. Plus the sermons were too far to the right for me.

There is a little Episcopal church abotu 2 miles from the house that I had been wanting to try for a while. Scott finally agreed and we attended 3 weeks ago for the first time. Last Sundya was a church wide breakfast(best zuchunni fritters ever) and I learned why the church was so small. Sad story of betrayal. Anyway the church is trying to restart.

Me being Me I immediately got involved. I worked the firework stand on the 4th, helped with VBS this past week and will be helping with the rummage sale in August. For VBS I helped with snack and was also the official photographer. I took almost 1000 pics in 5 days.

Yesterday I was paid a compliment. One woman who is very involved in the church looked at me and said "It feels like you have been here forever and fit in so well" It made me feel like we had found new home.

Scott is out on a bike ride this morning with church members. They are wanting him to start a men's bible study like the one at St. Margaret's. I think that would be a good thing for him to do. LEt him get involved and feel useful in the church as well.

win 250.00 visa card

My friends at All Thumbs are at it again. They have a 250.00 visa gift card from Capri sun they are giving a way. Check out their site for details

Where o where has Cathy gone

I am back. Long month. Drew and I left June 9th for 10 days in Kansas. It was a mixed trip. The weather was hot and humid but we had a good time with family and friends.

Right before I left, I got a letter from the State Department of Education letting me know they were launching an investigation in to my allegations against the Elk Grove School District. That was something at least.

Drew is very excited about home school. He is already wanting to do workbook pages everyday. Hope the interest holds. If anyone wants to donate stickers it would be great. They are a big help and motivator. I had to break into my private stash of Tinker Bell stickers today. They did go to a good cause. He now knows the proper way to form a manuscript G. In school they were told to copy the letters but not told the correct way to form them. So that is what we are working on now.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I will be 42. WOW. Not sure what to think of that.

CAthy

Glutton for punishment

I have been working on my 25th class reunion. It is next summer but you know me. The early bird gets the worm and in this case all that is done is to plan the food and get the registration info out. then count the people and hope everyone has a great time.

Well, I am also very enthusiastic. (keep your sarcastic comments to your self - ANNA) I got to thinking there were people in the class of 84 and 86 that I would love to see and if Iwanted to see people then I am sure others would feel the same way. So I sent a couple emails and now defintely the class of '84 is in for the reunion. Waiting to hear back from the class of '86.

Next thing I knew - members of '83 and '87 were saying what about us? I can't handle that many classes so they are on a case by case basis. If they hear about it and want to come then the more the merrier but I am not seeking them out actively.

I figure it is a win win. The costs go down the more that come and we get to see people we haven't and wouldn't see. With the advent of Facebook I am in touch with more people than ever that I can't wait to see next June.

HOY HOY!!!!

yoga

Anyone who knows me knows that I think exercise and yoga are evil words. I don't sweat I glisten - to quote Blair from Facts of Life. I do walk on a regular basis now. Yea for me.

One of my fave sites has a great give away if you are in to yoga. Check out all thumbs.

http://allthumbsreviews.blogspot.com/2009/05/yoga-roundup-1-with-giveaway.html

I am sure they are up someones alley.

Revenge of the MArble Maze

We love our friends Faith and Tom and their Daughter Clara - who according to Drew will some day be our daughter in law. (fine by me)

Before Drew's birthday I was talking to Faith (rather venting) about an incident at Toys R Us that involved a toy that Drew wanted for his birthday. It was a rather expensive 500 piece marble maze contraption. Online at Toys R Us it was 49.99 and according to my research 49.99 at Babies R Us Brick and Mortor Stores. Silly me I thought it would be 49.99 at Toys R Us. It was 79.99. They refused to price match in any way. I knew they hadn't sold any since Drew first showed me the toy several months ago - the dust that had accumulated on the top was evidence enough but also that one of them was a taped box that was there. My reasoning was if BRU and online had it for 49.99 then TRU would do the same just to move the stupid toy. WRONG!!!!! They refused to even discuss it.

So I called Faith to complain. She took note and guess what showed up on our door Thursday night. A giant box and in the box was this marble maze. Drew was beside himself. I wish I had a video camera because I would be 100,000 dollars richer. He immediately proposed to Clara over the phone - please note she accepted.

Fast forward to last night. Scott started to put this thing together. I had seen the reviews on teh website and was warned it would take several hours (up to 6) to get this thing togheter. After many "Good Lords, Damns, What in the worlds"and a few words I can't put here it is now together at 930 on Saturday Morning. Drew actually tried to wake Scott up at 630 this morning to finish it. In the assembly we also found out this thing made noise. GREAT (sarcastic)

So my husband now has me on a search for the most annoying multi piece toy I can find fit for a little girls birthday - I have till November. I have looked at Legos but Clara is such a girly girl they aren't for her.

So my wonderful (few) readers - any suggestions for a multi piece, noisy toy that will take Clara's engineer father HOURS to put together?

better alternaitive

after more research we have finally figured it out. There is a charter called South Sutter. It has the most hands off approach to HS. I have to meet with an educational specialist once a month. but other than that I am free to teach how and what I want. PLUS we get a 1800.00 a year stipend to spend on what we sit fit for his education. cirriculum, lessons, camps, supplies, field trips etc. It is our choice. Definetly the way to go. It has the best reviews of all the charters in the area. So it is the way we are going.

Learned a lot today

I spent the majority of the day researching our home school options for Drew. I found a great Yahoo group that cleared up lots of misconceptions that I had about the California Virtual School. We won't be under this districts umbrella which for us is a huge bonus. It is free and we only have to report to a teacher once a quarter. There is a place on line where I will record daily attendance. They organize field trips. If we choose to take a vacation we bring Drew's books with us and he does his assignments there. And plays catch up when he gets home if needed.

We work at Drew's pace. If we can ever get an IEP the Virtual School has to follow it as well. We can opt out of standarized testing is we want. If he doesn't quite finish a subject during the year we can finish over the summer or pick up where we left off in the fall.

I have already had several moms contact me about Drew and the problems with the district. I will have a support group locally as well as thru the state.

I feel more comfortable having a teacher to help me if I need it so I don't fee so alone esp during the first year. If later we choose to go it alone then great but I think CAVA will be what we do this year.

I still wonder about the charter school but I don't like the fact we have to meet every 2 weeks to be monitored. That is a HUGE drawback. I will call them tomorrow to see if that is truly the case. The pros with the charter are there is a stipend for activites for Drew, and the language arts and math are the same that he uses now.

So that is where it stands.

Changes are a coming

After the latest problems with the school district we have made a decision. We are going to home school Andrew. The district has violated any trust I had with them. I will always be wondering what they might be up to next. And IF we were to ever get an IEP we would have to fight for everything and I worry that the districts disdain for me will have repercussions for Andrew. His teacher told me she has been told no child will get an IEP before 3rd grade. Forget the fact that early intervention in most developmental and learning disablites are better served in the early years they just won't do it.

We have filed a complaint with the California Board of Education on the violations. But who knows what that will get us.

We have several ways to home school. We could do virtual school, which would be free but that still puts us under the districts umbrella and we have to follow their rules, regulations, testing and calendar. I guess I am becoming a rebel in my old age. The schools don't believe in Life Lessons so we can't go on field trips etc.

I think the option we are seriously looking at is a program K12. It is what the district uses BUT we pay for the program and can make our own rules as to hours, days, field trips etc. We just have to file an afidavit with the state in October and then we are on our own. We are going to start easing into it in July and go full steam ahead in Mid August. when we get back from Kansas we will be getting together with a couple differnet home school groups to find one we jive with. Drew has several friends from church who are home schooled and so he seems to understand the concept.

My biggest concern is keeping him socialized as much as possible. He thrives on it. So it means outings wiht homeschool groups, karate, swimming etc. But I am very excited about the idea. I feel a certain freedom with his schooling that I haven't before.

Here we go.

School district tried to pull a fast one.

I am so livid. In the mail yesterday I got an envelope from the school district. In the envelope were 4 pieces of paper. On top was a pink sticky note attached to a consent for release of medical information. All it said was sign and return. They want ALL records from Drew's neurologist. Medical tests, medical records, history, meds psych notes, Mental health records ALL of it.

Under that was a letter the school sent to the doc with out my knowledge requesting his records. Under that was a letter of refusal from the doctor saying that I hadn't signed a release for them to have the records. That was all that was in the envelope.The director of special ed asked me for all the records about 6 weeks ago and I in writing told them to put in writing what they wanted and I would obtain it for them. The neurologist has the entire history of Drew (BM issues etc) that is no ones business.

So they tried to circumvent me to get the records. Our advocate is out of town. I am trying to reach him now. The school has a letter from the doc stating Drew's DX of PDD. So why would they need his entire medical history and records? Do they really need them if they have a letter stating what the DX is.

They are already out of compliacne with federal guidelines because I requested and IEE on MArch 31 and they had 15 days to comply and they haven't.

knit one purl 2

Thought I would post a few pics of things i have made lately.
My first completed sweater
Two views of Holding Hands Feeding Ducks

The above is a Debbie Bliss Bag
And this one right above is a wrap that is 95% done.

I have a couple others done but no pics yet.

cool slipper

to me slippers have always been functional. I lived in Kansas. Slippers had to be warm in the winter to trudge thru snow to get the paper. In the summer who wanted to go out and look for the paper when it was 110 at 8 AM?

My friends at ALL THUMBS have a great answer. Check out their latest give away. click here These are fun slippers, stylish slippers the kind you should wear in California.

Borders needs to learn customer service

I went to Borders today. I was looking for a couple magazine as well as couple birthday presents for Drew and what ever else caught my fancy. Hadn't ready a good book in a while and was on the prowl.

The magazine section was horribly stocked. Blank places everywhere. I noticed a girl who was stocking the magazine section and she had 9 boxes on a pallet. I asked if those boxes contained the mags i was looking for. She offered to open the boxes and look at the packing slips to check. They weren't in those but she told me that there were 6 boxes in the back and she would run and check the packing slips.

While waiting for her I had found a couple books, another magazine, and a couple books for Drew. the young lady came back and looked very apologetic. SHe said her manager told her she could not go thru the packing slips. She was not allowed to help me. There were other customers who needed help. I was welcome to come back in a few days and look on the shelves for my self but she could not help me. WTF!?!?!?! I was holding 50.00 worth of books and was going to buy about40.00 in mags if they had them.

I called the store when I got home and talked to the store manager and he basically said Sorry but what do you want me to do. He didn't seem to care that I had laid down other merchandise and because of one of his employees he lost a sale - if not a customer.

What is wrong with customer service these days? With all the competion out there for my business I would think stores would bend over to do the right thing and make situations right. I have called coroporate and left a voice mail for the assistant of someone and maybe I will hear from someone but who knows.

The

on Facebook

You know on FAcebook there is a place to tell what you are doing or thinking. Do you ever want to put what you are really thinking or doing.

Like Cathy Anderson is sitting in her office in her underwear eating cookies and thinking she needs to get a life?

OR Cathy Anderson thinks XXXX is full of shit because they actually are a fan of lightbulbs.

OR Cathy Anderson is really angry at her mom for dying and leaving her to find out she was the one who truly held the family together.

There I said it.

no place but here

I have to have some place to let it go and this is the only place I have so...

The past 2 years have sucked. Plain and simple. We have been moved twice, left everyone and everything we had known for the "good" of Scott's career and the company. Lost our house, our good credit, every thing we had worked for over the past 10 years. We had a good strong marriage but the past 2 years have taken a toll. His health problems over the past 7 months have been rough. He has hurt so much I can't imagine the pain he has been in. In some ways this surgery has been worse than the first in terms of recovery. I have asked more of him than i should. But sometimes I get tired of being the strong one.

for some reason my sister isn't speaking to me. I miss her. Heck I tried to talk to her one night because I was called to the hosptial and needed to talk to someone. she couldn't even pause a TV show to help me. My dad's wife hates me. My own father won't come see me. He talks about how my mom used to be hurt because her parents wouldn't come see them. Says it is too hard and they are too old. I know so many other people who have parents older than him who travel all the time to maintain a relationship with their kids and grandkids.

am I that bad of a person, am I that unloveable? What is wrong with me? I feel like such an outcast. I feel like nothing I do is right for anyone. Why do I try? Even a dog who gets kicked eventually stops going back but I still do. This is my family but I sure don't fee like I am a part of it anymore. I am hurting is so many ways. But no one cares.

new battle with school district.

After playing phone tag for 2 weeks I finally got to talk to someone (Asshole) from district office about getting Drew what he needs. At the beginning of the year he did not meet the educational criteria for the IEP. But thru the year he has gone down hill and is now behind. The principal was questioning retaining him but he will be 7 in May so that is out. Then they talked about summer school but he is in kindergarten and they can't go to summer school. So these indicate to me that there is now a disability problem that his hampering his education. He is PDD NOS, SID, and FAE. When they did the testing they admitted they might have used the wrong tests for Drew given his age.

This jerk today was very condescending and asked what I wanted I explained, a basic IEP so that he could get the help he needed. I wasn't asking for an aide to be with him all day, I just wanted OT, a say in who is teachers would be, extra help with writing etc. I know budgets are tight. He told me given a report that was done over a year ago in NM he was denying services. He admitted he had the info from the neurologist here with Drew's DX but he felt he had to go with what was written a year ago. I went ballistic. I asked for his supervisors name and he refused to give it to me saying I would have to work thru him only. He said it didn't matter if I got to the supervisor because he would get to him first and what ever I said would not matter. He then told me that even tho he wouldn't give Drew an IEP originally he was going to get him an OT consult but because of my attitude he decided against it and would not approve it. I was also told my request for a 504 was denied. So because he doesn't like me he is going to deny services for my son. I can't afford an attorney.

I called the school and told the principal I was requesting an IEE and the request would be on her desk by the end of the day. I told her I was trying to save the district money by trying to get early intervention. by requesting an IEE - Individual Educational Eval - has to be done by an outside person that I get to pick and they have to pay for it would give an un biased opinion of what was going on. The principal told me I could request it but it had to be approved by the district and under the circumstances she didn't see it being approved. I am appealing his IEP denial and asking for the IEE anyway.

I have been in such state all day. What does it take to get him services. IF he doesn't get them now we will be fighting this battle next year any way I can't find an outside OT source because in CA it is to be done thru the school so there is no one to help him. I am ready to go to the newspaper about this whole thing.

The Roller Coaster Continues

Phil was set to sign with the Navy on Tuesday but hit another road block. He is suing the guy who hit in the car wreck 2 years ago. So the Navy can't take him while he has legal things pending.

He is going to his second choice. He has talked to the National Guard. They aren't worried about the litigation. Phil won't be gone long enough for basic and AIT. His attorney will get the trial pushed back to next year if needed. While it is not moms choice it is his. He is giong to layout a semester. He will go to basic this summer and then do his AIT school after that. He is planning on MP training but won't know until next week.

I have found the silver lining in all of this - he qualifies for the special resort at WDW that is for military personell. He can bring us with him. a room is only 93.00!!!!! The resort is on par with the Deluxes at WDW - AKL, Poly, GF. He has given me permission to check in to booking for after Christmas for the 4 of us. It is actually across the road from the Poly and GF. He can actually book up to 6 rooms at that rate. Anyone want to become my sister?

want to start a business

As many know my love of knitting and yarn and fiber has grown over the past few months. I am amazed at what is out there in the world of fiber. I want a part of it. I want to start dyeing my own yarns and roves. I have been researching online stores that do this and I am totally amazed at what is offered. Even mistakes make beautiful yarn. I have been pricing wholesale yarns and have found a wonderful company that makes several lines of dyeable fibers. I have been looking at different methods of dying and can't beleive how many ways there are to dye. From dye kits that can be bought to using easter egg dye all provide different vibrance and subtlty to the yarn. In talking to several other artisians the start up for this kind of business is less than 1000.00. The biggest investment is the start up yarn. They have all told me that they make it back in the first month and their businesses have grown faster than they were orginally prepared for.

I have been told I need a creative outlet. I looked at painting but it wasn't for me. I enjoy knitting but want to take it one step further in being creative. hopefully once scott has is next surgery and we get back on our feet I can take the step I want and go into business for my self. and I think this is the way to do it. I need to research getting an EIN # so I can get things wholesale that way I am able to compete with others. Next step - more research.

dinner last night

I was going to write about this last night but I wanted to post about Annika and her friends instead.

We decided to go out to dinner last night. There was a restaurant we had been wanting to try since we got here. It is called VINCES. It reminds be of Don's in Lawrence only in decor. It sits in teh middle of a field. It looks like the place that Tony Soprano would hold court and then have Paulie dispose of the bodies in the field. It claims to be an Italian restaurant but it was so much more.

I had a steak combo plate. It came with Steak, chicken, prawns, pasta, baked potato, soup or salad, and ice cream. You don't need an appetizer in this place but I do understand their homemade garlic bread is wonderful. It was one of best steaks i had ever eaten. I brought home the chicken, and pasta.

They have a steak for 2 and it is all of the above and also comes with a glass of wine.

Scott had Chcken Procuittio alfredo. He wouldn't share. So I am assuming it was pretty good.

Tuesday is Pizza Night, Thursday is Prime rib, Friday is T-bone Steak (and it is the only night they offer clam chowder.) Sunday the have a brunch.

We were shocked when we got the bill 50.00 for the 3 of us. In California that is a trip to McDonalds. So if you ever venture to see us you can bet this place will be on the tour.

a testiment to friendship

A friend of ours back in Lawrence has been living every parent's nightmare. Their daughter was diagnosed with Cancer a few months ago. The prognosis is good from what I understand. The young lady's father was Phil's home room teacher at Seabury for 5 years and his upper level math teacher. He is a quiet man who lives his life for his family. I can only imagine what a pillar of strength Arnie is being right now on the out side but so worried on the inside.

I found this on the Lawrence Journal World website about Annika's friends who wanted to help. These were some pretty talented kids and the song is amazing. Click on the circle on the left hand side of the page. If you don't shed a tear you have ice water in your veins. Maybe you can find a way to help as well.

They can use all the pixie dust we can send them.

Cathy

http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2009/mar/22/soldier-without-armor-raintree-students-produce-cd/

I screwed up.

I blew it as a mom today. I spoke my mind and wasn't supportive. Phil had been a holding pattern about the Navy. He was waiting for waivers for medical exemptions. I never dreamed he would get them. Today as we were getting ready for the day. He came down plopped in a chair and said "I got the waivers" I don't know if it was how he said it, the timing (the day before he leaves) or what but I said all the wrong things.

Now he thinks I don't support him. He is now trying to figure how to make me happy. As a mom I have so many mixed emotions. I want him happy. I truly do. BUt as a mom I don't want him in harms way. AS a mom all I want to do is keep him in a coccoon for ever. I know that is not possible.

He has shown me that he wants this more than anything. I am proud of his decision. But it hit me that tonight might be my last night with him for a long long time. Inside I am screaming I am proud of you but I am also crying.

A friend whose son is in the NAvy said it was Ok to cry. Good. I seem to be good at that. Not good at saying the right thing, however. My only wish is that he would wait until he got out of college to go in. It is so much better to go in as an Officer. But this is the path he chooses and as such I go as cheerleader, friend, devil's advocate but most importantly mom.

GO FOR IT PHIL. I will always have your back.

MOM

nothing

I have been trying to figure out what to blog about. Nothing seems worth blogging about

This afternoon, Scott was out in the garage and found a music box my grandmother had given me. I had forgotten about it. I opened it and inside were a locket with pics of my grandparents when they were young as well as a small picture of my dad when he was a baby. Made me nostalgic. I went to the gargae and rummaged thru some boxes and found a doll that my grandmother made. It was a replica of her when she was Worthy Matron of Eastern Star, as well as a plate she painted of two little girls walking togheter. Made me think about my sis.

In another box I found my high school memories. Poetry I had written, cards people had given me etc. Looked at the cards and wondered why I kept them. The people who gave them to me now mean nothing to me. Funny how our priorities change. I found the newspaper from my high school that celebrated out graduation. On the front page were pics of the "in" crowd. I talk to many of them on facebook. I keep wondering if they will be mad if I reveal what they looked like in their younger days.

I found my baby book, Phils baby book as well as pics of him as little guy. The memories were intense.

That is about it.

Drew logic

Last night I was working on the computer and Drew walks in.

He told me"Daddy is getting married"
I ask "To who"
Drew " His video game"
Me "Why"
Drew " Because he loves it"
Me "there may be a problem with that - He is already married to me"
Drew "prepared to be dumped."

Another Saturday

you have heard the song - Just Another Manic Monday. Today is Just Another Simple Saturday.

Drew was up at the crack of dawn. His new medicine is helping him sleep better. Since he is getting more rest while he sleeps he is getting up much earlier and in a better mood. Today it was 6:30. Of course he didn't bother Scott. He came to see me. I convinced him to climb up in my bed for a while. finally after an hour of him asking every 10 minutes if it was morning I gave in and got up. At that point it was a MUST HAVE COFFEE moment. Gotta love my Keurig. 45 seconds later a nice big cup of java. Not as good as J& S but the best I could do. (Sarah if you are ever giving away coffee let me know.) AT 830 Scott joined us and at 9 I started breakfast. It was nice to make a family breakfast. Eggs, turkey bacon, potatoes and toast. I miss times like that. All four of us around the table. They are certainly few and far between.

There has been some Saturday morning house cleaning. I have had a couple hours of work for the Yarn Shoppe, mainly computer stuff.

Now to enjoy the day with my family.

C

Fiber

With the fun I have been having at the yarn shop lately, I have become more and more interested in Hand dyed and spun fibers. I have told Scott I want to look into taking a spinning class.

I have found the most incredible site to get hand dyed fibers. Actually PhatFiber supports many artists who spin and dye wool. She has a monthly box that can be bought. I haven't been lucky enough to purchase one They sell out so fast. They are offered one day a a month and when the are gone they are gone.

This week she is having some awesome give aways. Check out Phatfiber.blogspot.com and enter some of her fantastic drawings. I have been able to find yarn at each giveaway site that I am simpling drooling over. Mabe if my ship comes in - or California gives me my tax refund I can grab some before it is gone.

Awesome stuff Phat Fiber.

feeling good

For the first time in a long time I feel good. Not just physically but mentally. It actually worries me because I don't remember feeling like this for a long long time. I am enjoying my work at the Yarn Shoppe. Frank is up and running. I am doing some teaching of classes.

Drew is on a medicine that is making the differnece between night and day. His teacher says the change is remarkable. He is able to do his work, the outside noise doesn't seem to bother him as much. He made it into BEAM Club - Be Excited About Math. He had a series of tasks he had to accomplish over the year - count orally to 75, write his numbers to 30 - with NO reversals, use flash cards to put the numbers 1-30 in order, identify all his coins, and know his shapes - including his 3D shapes - He got it done this week!!!! He gets a special T-shirt and recognition from the Principal. It is a big deal. Once he does his site words for his teacher he will also be in BEAR club - can you guess what it stands for?

Phil is still trying to figure out life. It is Ok at 20 who knew what they wanted to do. Heck I thought I had it figured otu at 25, then again at 34 and now at 41 I am reinventing myself once again. It is a growing process and no one expects him to figure it out all at once. I think what he doesn't realize is that many kids his age don't have it figured out but htey are not smart enough to admit it.

Scott is so ready for his surgery. I worry so much about him. He has good days and bad days. This can't get hear fast enough for all of us.

I am trying not to wait for the other shoe to drop but in the back of my mind I keep expecting it. Guess I just need more
Faith, trust and pixie dust
C

missing teeth

Yesterday was exciting. Drew has had 2 loose teeth. One of them had the other tooth almost all the way in but because of his sensory issues he would not wiggle the baby tooth to get it to fall out. He had an appt for this upcoming Thursday to have it pulled if it hadn't fallen out on its own.

Some how, Drew managed to get the most wiggly tooth lodged behind this other front bottom tooth. It couldn't be moved back. So I had to call the dentist. They managed to get him.

Now the dentist Drew goes to is for kids only. I have tried to talk them in to taking adults - or at least adults who have fears of the adult dentist. Talk about a racket. They have a waiting room filled with games, toys, movies and video games. They also have a patio with a rock climbing wall and bikes and trikes to ride while kids wait. I noticed they even have magazines such as AMerican Cheerleader. Above every station there is a TV secured in the ceiling for the kids to watch while they are getting their teeth cleaned or worked on. They give them headphones to listen to the movies thru. The kids even get sunglasses to wear because of how bright the dentist lights can be. It is quite a production. After the appt if they have no cavities they are issued a certificate of achievement for being in the no cavity club. They get a grab bag of toys, balloons, toothbrush, toothpaste, floss. Plus they get their picture taken and it is put on a magnetic card to take home for the fridge. All I got was a toothbrush and Colgate toothpaste.

So we had this emergency appt. They gave Drew nitrous oxcide before they administed the novicane. The nitrous was "flavored" with bubble gum. He was a riot. He kept saying 3, 2, 1, blastoff and would shove his legs up in teh air. The nurse and I couldn't stop laughing. He was a trooper. They had to pull the front 2 bottom teeth. He walked out of there with 2 balloons, a new airplane and 2 stickers.

It only looks like one tooth is missing because the adult toot on the right was so far in behind the baby tooth.

Then the toothfairy brought him 3 dollars. It cost me 94.00 in copay. Some how I think he got the better end of the deal.

OK I get it. I am not in control

I have always had control issues. I have to be in control. If I can't control it I feel helpless. So in the past week here is a short list of what is not in my control. Phil joining the Navy, Drew finally getting a DX of PDD-NOS and Fetal Alcohol Effect, and the news from Scott's upcoming surgery. They missed some diverticuli and have to remove 4-6 more inches of his colon. so they have to open him up from his sternum to his the bottom edge of his stomach. Recvoery - instead of being 2 weeks- will now be up to 6.

I know I am not in control. I get it God. Now help me get control of my issues of helplessness.

unexpected visit

Phil and one of his frat brothers decided to come out for spring break. I had forgotten about spring break. Drew's spring break isn't until the beginning of April. Funny how priorities change as kids grow. I was so focused on Drew and his spring break I forgot about phil having one.

Anyway the boys decided they needed to go somewhere so here they come. I think this house is just a repository for clothes and to sleep. I know they are headed to San Fran for a day. We are talking about a day at Six flags on Saturday. Phil wants to take Mccomas to In n out burger - west coast must do.

Other than that I am hoping for a quiet few days with phil and getting to know Mccomas.

Edited to add - Phil arrives March 12.

Pixie dust to all
C

Wish I had the guts

I have commented about Phil joining the Navy. The more I read the prouder I become. I tell him that everytime I talk to him.

I have found 2 wonderful support groups who have answered my questions, put me in touch with their sons to answer Phil's questions, give support when I feel overwhelmed. These groups are amazing. They never feel any question is to silly or emotion too ridiculous.

I had someone (non Navy)tell me not to cry in front of Phil. Navy mom's will tell you it is OK 1) because you are proud, scared, terrified, happy, sad. and 2) if you don't let them see the emotion they may feel you are hiding something and then they worry about you when they need to be concentrating on what is really important.

I wish I had the guts to tell all the well meaning people who say - it is just like going away to college, or they have no clue what he is in for or it will be good for him to be taken down a notch to just SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! We need your support right now. We need you to tell Phil you are proud of him and that no matter what happens you will be there. Don't tell him the horror stories of what someone may tell you. Don't tell me I have my head buried in the sand. I don't. This is my child we are talking about. My first born. I have spent hours on the internet researching, asking questions, taking notes, understanding this new way of life. I have much more to learn but I will learn it for Phil's sake and for my sake.

You may know some one in the army, marines or who was in the NAvy in the past but this is the Navy NOW!!!!! I am in daily contact with women who are living it, Who have kids doing what Phil wants to do, who have washed out of what Phil wants to do, who tell me what to expect every step of the way. these women have given me and my immediate family more support in the past week than you would believe. I have heard from Nuke School mom's, Mom's of DEP's, Mom's of BC, those who just got out of PIR and are headed for Class A, B, or C school. I know the difference between grad and go and a weekend of liberty when he goes thru PIR. I now know the difference between a frigget and an aircraft carrier. I know what to expect when the form letter comes from basic, and that "kid in a box" is not death but all of their belongings they reliquish at boot camp. My cell phone will be come my appendage and the postman will think I am a stalker. I have been told the STar Bangle Banner takes on new meaning. I know to have Phil get a package A for his photos, and that a good graduation gift is in addition to something nice several packages of Hanes extra soft undershirts. The Navy issue ones are very scratchy.

If you know what any of the things above mean then you are a NAvy mom and know how important it is to get and recieve support. If you don't then please don't give even well meaning advice, just tell Phil he can do anything he sets his mind to, that you are proud of him, and Thank You for what he is doing. And for me, just be there when I am missing my kid and need a friend to talk to.

Awesome new product

I have to tell you my friend - All Thumbs aka Lori has an awesome new product review on her website. You have to check it out. it is an earbud detangler.

You have got to check it out. http://allthumbsreviews.blogspot.com/2009/02/tangled-earphone-cords-product-review.html

I look at some of her reviews and think - why didn't I think of that? My earbud for my phone gets tangled as does my Ipod ear bud. These will make it super easy to keep them wound and easy to manage. Make sure you get there to check it out.

And make sure you tell her Cathy Sent ya.

Proud Mom

It has been a roller coaster week. But I have to say I am proud of Phil. My son will soon be a member of the US NAVY. It has taken some getting used to but once I got past the sinking feeling that my son was over his head and didn't know what he was thinking, I realized this was something he needed to do for whatever reason. He has told me for years he wanted to make a difference. I think he found a way to do it.

I have cried tears of fear, tears of joy, tears of being a proud mom.

Now I am sure there will be rants on here about missing him and wondering what he was thinking. I have been reading Navy Mom forums and blogs and have gotten a better idea of what to expect and that has helped so much. I think a lot of my apprehension was fear of the unknown.

Now I know when he goes to basic I will get 3 phone calls if I am lucky. He will only be able to write letters on Sundays. But he will live for mail from all of us. He goes to MEP next week - Military Enlisted Processing. He will take his placement test and that will determine when he will go to basic. Then if he gets his first choice after basic he will head to Goose Creek SC for 18 months of training. At that point he will be assigned a ship(not a boat as I have been corrected way to many times - if it floats it is a boat in my opnion.) He plans on requesting a Pacific home port. He will then spend 6 months at sea and 6 months in his home port for 4 years.

So that is the latest. I will post about our trip to reno tomorrow.

Frank

Let me introduce you to Frank. Frank is my friend. He is a sheep that lives at my favorite yarn shop in Elk Grove. Frank likes to travel. Frank has a big family. Frank will travel and blog about his trip. While he is gone on his excursions his family will fill in. His family is quite unique. There is Percy the Pink Llama, best friends Ebony and Ivory, Frankie the little sister, Teresa (Teri) and her son Rodney, Violet the baby of the family. There are others who will check in from time to time as well.

www.frankthemascot.blogspot.com

Frank already has plans to go to Reno next week, Disney in March, 2 cruises in April, Kansas - we hope in June.

Please follow Frank on his escapades and meet his family. If you ever find yourself in Elk Grove California - stop by the Yarn Shoppe, knit a spell, and meet Frank, his family and friends.

C

Hate being responsible

I HATE being a responsible adult. I hate doing the right thing. But being a responsible adult and trying to set a good example for my kids.

I just canceled both of our trips to Disney. It wasn't that we couldn't afford them I just didn't want to given the current state of the economy.

I found a wonderful deal in Reno for Feb 19-22. total room cost for 3 nights 130.00 Then for Drew to take a ski lesson or two will be about 100.00. The hotel is offering credits for the casino as well as the midway and dining credits. So we will do that and it will be cheaper. Disney for 3 days ticets alone were going to be 450.00. Drew had no idea so we don't have to worry about him being disappointed.

We also decided that instead of flying to Florida for Christmas it would be fiscally more responsible to go to Anaheim. We can do LegoLand, Universal, etc and it will still be cheaper that Disney. And we don't have to pay airfare.

I just have to take my pixie dust in different ways given the economic climate.

Always remember there is pixie dust you just may have to look a little harder sometimes for it.

Cathy

update on the teenager

Well, he made it thru surgery just fine. His jaw is wired shut for the next 4 weeks or so. May be up to 6. Just depends on how well it heals.

The problem is - as with all teenagers - he thinks he knows that is best. The doc said he must be under ADULT supervision until Sunday. So he is at his grandparents house. He is not to go to school until Monday so I emailed his teachers telling them what was going on. He is bound and determined to try and go to school tomorrow afternoon. His bio teacher agrees he has no business at school. I am waiting to hear from the rest. I told him he was at his grandparents house with out wheels for a reason. He tried to tell me he would have one of the guys at the frat come get him. Mike was not impressed with that news and finally set Phil strait as to how it was going to be. Period.

He is lucky so many people care about him and are willing to drop everything to help him and take care of him. When I talked to Peg she said he was sleeping and seem resigned to his fate - at least for now. She figures if he starts to feel better he may try to negotiate a few hours of parole.

I guess that will depend on the warden on call.

Thanks for the prayers and emails.

C

Update

I am exhausted so this will be short. I am going to bed. We are looking at worse case here. He will have surgery tomorrow morning. they will realign his jaw and then wire it shut for 2-4 weeks. He may have to go back in braces to finish correcting the cross bite that has occurred.

I thank my lucky stars for the people in Topeka. From Dr. Kevin Cassidy, my old friend, who got the ball rolling on getting him to the correct doctors to Dr. Baker who will performing the surgery tomorrow to Mike, Brooke, Peg, and Carol who have all stepped up to take care of him since I can't. Phil wont' fuss with Brooke and so I know I will have my way and that she will look out for him.

Right now I am hitting a brick wall and am totally exhausted. So I will update tomorrow after surgery.

damaged jaws and good friends

I am sitting here waiting to hear from Phil. It the fraternity annual "funk bowl" a fraternity brother took Phil out.

Now the funk bowl is a all out contact tackle football game that is held every year on Superbowl Sunday. There are no helmets or pads for this game. Just "brotherly love" fight to the death leave 'em bleeding football.

Phil called and said Mike was taking him to the minor med because he might have a broken jaw. The docs at minor med did an xray but couldn't see anything. Sent him home with pain pills and orders to call in the morning if not better. Said htey would get him into an ENT?!?!?!

Fast forward to this morning...

He calls and says that he is going for a panoramic xray. They still see nothing but Phil tells me that his bite is off by about 1/4".

I do the only thing I can think of. I call my old friend and Phil's orthodontist from many moons ago. I tell the receptionist my problem. They get Phil in within the hour.

From what I was able to tell from Phil's gritted teeth talk, Kevin took one look, had Phil attempt to bite down and said you need an oral surgeon.

He tried to call the ones where Phil was seen yesterday, but they were all at lunch. So KEvin sent Phil to a new guy in town. HE took one look at phil and got on the phone with Tallgrass and started yelling about how poor their treatment was and why the HE@@ were they trying to get him to an ENT when his nose wasn't broken and his throat wasn't collapsed. This doc tells Tall Grass that they need to have their oral surgeon look at him PDQ. He sends phil to the fraternaity to wait for a call. The oral surgeon from Tall Grass then passes him off to a Dr. Zeller who Phil is currently waiting to see.

Best possible scenario - reset jaw and wire shut for a few days
Worst case scenario - surgery and wire shut for a few weeks????
Either way he is going to drop the weight he wants.

I will update as situation warrents.

Pixie dust comes alive

I looked at Scott yesterday and said we need to escape. It has been a long few months. With my gall bladder surgery and then everything that happened with Scott. I need to re energize.

So off to the phone I go. I manage to get a room on points at the sheraton across from Disney. I got reservatins for valentine's night at Goofy's kitchen. All set to go.

WRONG!!!!

Freinds at the yarn shop told me that we were going President's weekend and that is the absolutely worst weekend to go. Every kid in SoCal will be there as well hs half the kids from NoCal. It is a 3 day weekend so lots of parents head there for the long weekend - rookie resident mistake.

Then

We look at the calendar and realize that Saturday Feb 14 is the start of the of the Tour of California. We have both been looking forward to it. Scott used to race against some of the competitors when he was a kid. Plus a chance to see Lance Armstrong race is a huge pull.

Since he agreed to go to Disney for a weekend the least I can do is move our weekend. So I have changed out dates we not go Feb 19-22. I have to make reservations for goofys kitchen again.

So the plan is that while Drew is at school I will pack overnight bags and leave them in the garage. Scott is leaving work early and when he gets home he will put the bags in the trunk. This way Drew won't know. Then we will load up and head out. I have had many people tell me times to get to anaheim range from 5 hours to 7 hours. Who knows.

I am really looking forward to getting away for a few days.

Here's to a magical weekend with a very generous helping of Pixie dust.

C

Maybe Mom does know something.

I have mentioned is several posts about a girl Phil likes. He has wanted to date her but he was following the advice of the guys in the frat. Big mistake. DO you know what happens when 30+ 20 something guys live together. There is a fear of showing their caring side. Even to the opposite sex.

All Thru Christmas I kept hearing about this young lady. Phil had it bad. He would text her on a continual basis - thang goodness for unlimited texting plans. She would drive him crazy. Anyway, Phil had been following the advice of his frat brothers. They were telling him to be standoffish -and to "just make your move already" He was getting nowhere with her.

The other day he was in a really bad mood. He even took it out me which Scott agreed was unusual. I texted him and told him it was time for tough love. I asked why he was letting everyone else dictate how he persued this girl. Obviously what the guys in the house were telling him weren't getting him anywhere.

He called last night. I get "thanks mom" I am perplexed.

He said " I decided to be myself and do what I knew was right" I am more perplexed.

HE said "you raised me right" OK chalk one up for mom but what the heck are you talking about?

He said " I am not macho and uncaring." OK I agree

He said "I went to the florist and sent XXXX 2 yellow roses yesterday"

HE HAD BEEN LISTENING after all. Years of drilling into him how to treat a girl had paid off.

He is the talk of the young lady's sorority house.

Mom 1 frat brothers 0 (at least in how to treat a lady.)

Christmas with Louise

Every year this goes around and it seemed appropriate to share~ I hope no one is offended, as it is meant only in fun. It was submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinner, and won first prize.

I spewed coffee everywhere when I read this. I hope you get a chuckle out of it .


As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.

One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart.

I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the carpool lane during rush hour.

Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled on 'Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.

On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louis's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.

My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.

"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay, my brother said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny! Hang on!"

My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later, I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home. The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.

The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.

It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my mother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louis's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.

Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.

Why there is no Fibromyalgia day

I promise this my last fibro post for a while.

Nobody could remember when it was.

Nobody could remember the color of the ribbons.

We couldn't find a color ribbon that wasn't used that coordinated with the colors of all the sweats.

The ribbon's pin pushed on a trigger point.

How could there be a day for something that doesn't exist?

Patients with fibromyalgia couldn't fold the ribbon into the proper shape.

Patients with fibromyalgia are too depressed to get out of bed to attend a rally.

Social Security would use our ability to rally as proof of our ability to work.

Everybody kept getting paper-cuts from trying to fold the flyers.

The bags carrying our medications were too heavy to carry.

No one wanted to leave home overnight because they couldn't pack their beds.

Somebody had to hold the planning meeting, and nobody's house was clean enough.

Someone set up a massage booth, and it got so crowded it collapsed. Since everyone was in the booth at the time, nobody was left to rally.

Everyone wanted the bumper sticker, "See, I told you I was sick," but the printer ran out.

There weren't enough Porta-Potties in the state for the folks with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

The politicians realized the size of the voting block, and the media trucks filled all the parking spots.

Some doctor said, "It's all in your head," but they never found the body.

The booth offering 'Chocolate Diet Pills' ran out in 10 minutes.

The people using TENS units shorted out the Pacific power grid.10 percent of the crowd went into a flare at the same time, and the resulting glow melted the ice caps at both poles.


author unknown

SPOONS

I have an invisible chronic syndrome. Most people don't realize I am sick because I don't look like it. A woman with Lupus, Christine Miserandino, came up with the Spoon Theory to explain to her friend what it was like to live with a chronic condition day in and day out. I had heard of the Spoon theory before but never really got it until I reread it a few weeks ago.I have been struggling with symptoms for several year but only got a REAL diagnosis a year ago. I am just beginning to accept my limitations. Some days I have lots of spoons when I get up. Others I only have 4 or five.

Christine explained that "the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted."

I am copying the spoon theory from the website butyoudon'tlooksick.com I know it is long but please read it.

by Christine Miserandino www.butyoudontlooksick.com

My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.

As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?

I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn't seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.

As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.

At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.

I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.

Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.

She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?

I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of "spoons". But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn't even started yet. I’ve wanted more "spoons" for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.

I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said " No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can't take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too." I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.

I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s "spoons", but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less "spoons". I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on "spoons", because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.

We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.

When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.

I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared”

Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day's plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count "spoons".

After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can't go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”

Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my "spoons".

© 2003 by Christine Miserandino Butyoudontlooksick.com

When I first read this I thought only of my mom and what she went thru. I wish I had this story when she was sick. While I don't suffer from Lupus I still must make choices each day as to what I can/will/want to.

count your spoons before you go to bed and Thank God for each spoon you can use and always have one in reserve so you can spend that spoon on a friend.

A little cheese with my WHINE

I started this post as a whine about what is wrong with me but as I wrote it I realzied it was more of an information piece about Fibromyalgia Syndrome and me.

I have been diagnosed fibromyalgia This is not something made up that is just in my mind. This is an honest to god syndrome with real symptoms. I try hard not to complain because I know so many people have worse problems than I do. But it gets really frustrating when I try to vent and hear things like - your mom never complained about her illness, see a shrink it is just depression, the pain can't BE that BAD, lose weight that will solve ALL your problems, why are you always tired, why can't you remember anything, the list goes on.

Fibro is not a well understood problem. It is very difficult to diagnose as there are other diseases out there who mimic Fibro. I have recently had ruled out Chrons, Hep A-C, Celiac, thyroid, and ruematoid arthritis. The main diagnosis for Fibro is something called pain points. There are 18 points where pain typical is in a person with Fibro - if you have at least 11 and everything else has been ruled out then they will agree you have Fibro. Yea for a diagnosis but now how to treat it. It is not a well understood problem so it isn't easy to treat. (there isn't even a correct spelling for Fibro in spell check so how can it be treated if it can't even be spelled?)

I recently went on Lyrica - it works OK but I am on a low dose. Unfortunately I have gained 10 pounds on it. People on it tend to gain up to 10% of their current body weight. I am asking to go off of it Friday. I have learned from reading that pain management is one of the main components. Problem is most regular docs don't understand the amount of pain a Fibro patient suffers. On a good day my pain is a 4 out of 10. Those days I can function pretty well. I try to manage to be a normal housewife and mom on those days. But right now because my former doctor doesn't understand fibro or the management of it I am changing docs, I sit most days at least an 8 out of 10. Yes I know I have given birth and labor was painful. BUT this is different pain. It is hard to describe. Ever have the flu? Of course you have. you know that achy feeling you get when you are on day 2 or so? It is like that but only worse. Some days I feel like someone has poured cement in to my body and I have to stop and think about how to walk.

A second problem is fatigue and insomnia. I get very tired. Look for an artitcle tomorrow about the spoons. It explains the fatigue very well. I have taken to telling Scott I have about used all my spoons for the day. It is a signal to me that I am listening to my body and to Scott that I need some relief from mom/wife duties for the rest of the evening. Some days it happens at 2 or 3 and others it happens at 7. Even then, I try very hard not to miss my bedtime routine with Drew. It isn't is fault that I have this crap. Insomnia is a nightmare - no pun intended. I do try to be a regular mom and not have this impact him too much. I volunteer in his class for 3 hours one day a week. I use all my spoons by then. He has playdates etc. I just have to manage what I do on those days so I am able be alert and able to deal with things.

Another major problem I suffer from is memory loss - some call it Fibro Fog. It is not dementia. I know who people are and what my car keys are for. My problem is I can't remember names of people and things. I never know when it will strike. The other day I couldn't remember what a magnet was called. I knew exactly where it was on the fridge, I knew the color and what I needed off of magnet but DAMN if I could remember what to call it. A week ago I couldn't remember my phone #. I was talking to an insurance company and she rattled off a phone #. I had no clue if it was mine. I had to stop and look for my # to make sure it was correct. It can be embarassing and frustrating. Be patient with me. I don't like not remembering things. It has always been something I was very good at. Scott has taken to having me describe what I am trying to say then he fills in teh blank. I used to get mad when he would guess before i could describe. So we have found a way to communicate. Phil gets pretty frustrated with me but I think he is doing better.

I try to make a joke out of most of this - what else can I do? Wallow in self pity? Nah my mom wouldn't have done that. She was strong. And I try to be like my mom - to a point. She was dealt a very crappy hand. My hand is better but don't blow me off when I try to talk about it. I am not asking for sympathy I am asking for understanding. I don't need advice, I need a cyberhug - softly because hugs can hurt some days. Ask me how I am truly doing if you don't want to know. My typical answer is I am fine. don't press for more information just to be polite. IF you want to know I can answer your questions. I am reading lots on how to work with this.

soft hug to everyone. Look for spoons tomorrow.

FTPD
C

Glorious day

What a day. I got to watch history in the making. Watching President Obama get sworn in was amazing. Even if the Chief Justice messed it up a little. I loved Mrs. Obama's dress for the swearing in. The color seemed to scream SPRING. And to me spring brings hope renewed. Ant that is where we are at today. Today we are at a wonderful cross road where hope is renewed and it springs eternal in the hearts of people everywhere. I loved watching one of the daughters with her camera taking pictures of the crowd. This had to be an amazing day for them to.

I did feel sorry for the dignitaries in the stands. When I saw Mohammad Ali come in almost 2 hours before the ceremony started my thought was - I hope someone put hand toasties in his pockets. It had to be uncomfortable sitting in those folding chairs for so long. Who's brilliant idea was it to have this thing in January? I vote we move it to April.

I was glad I was watching the ceremonies from the comfort of my warm house. I had a much better view than the million people freezing their tush off and not being able to see anything.

I missed Beyonce tonight singing "At Last" while the first couple danced. I am sure I will catch a repeat. I am no fashion guru but I thought white tie went only with tails. I was vey surprised to see the President in a white tie and short coat this evening. But what do I know?

I do know that I wish Mr. Obama 4 years of Faith Trust and lots of pixie dust to get us back on track and show the world what America is really all about.

Stay warm my Kansas Friends. And send an umbrella, I am going to need it this week.

Cathy

He is back in Kansas Toto

Well, Phil left today. It is funny. When he is here it is like he was never gone. The family dynamic switches back to include him and make him part of the nuclear family. But as soon as he is gone, we go back almost instantly to a family of 3. While there is a hole that he always leaves when he is not with us, it isn't like we don't have our roles. Not sure if I am making myself clear.

I had a friend tell me that by going back to that nuclear family, I was not allowing him to grow and find his own way. I disagree. To me, even tho he is on his own he still needs some guidance. Heck there are times I need guidance from my dad. I don't think parenting ever stops. It just grows and changes as the child grows and changes. My role is no longer disciplinarian, keeper of the car keys, checking to make sure he washes and brushes his teeth. I am more of a guider as he gets older. I talk more and listen more. I try to respect his opinion and his choices. He is at the age that I have become very dumb. He knows it all. He has is world opinion - from his limited world view. It will change as he grows. I hope.

I know I did something right. We were at the mall and Drew handed me a bag to carry. I took it. Phil took it from me and explained to Drew that men should always carry bags for women because it is polite. Where did that come from?

He is back in Topeka. Mike and Brooke picked him up this evening. He wsa going directly to Lisa's to see Kennedy. That is Meghan's daughter. Meghan is Phil's cousin who is 4 months younger than him. Trent's sister. Someday I need to figure out how to put a family tree on here. LOL. Phil loves Kennedy - Kenny for short. she is almost 3. WOW that is hard to believe. She adores Phil. They have a very special relationship. Then he was headed to the fraternity. He had a meeting with a certain girl.

I am still knitting away. I have taken a break from the blue sweater. I don't understand the next section of instructions so I need to pop into the yarn shop this week for clarification. I have been working on the sleeve of the gray sweater. Today it looked more lavender. I really need something brainless tonight so i think I will work on my wrap for a while. It has been neglected lately. I am hoping that the pattern for the Bravo bag gets here this week. I am DYING to work on it.

Here is to massive Faith with the inaguration of a new President this week. May God protect him and provide him the wisdom to lead us to a better country and world.

C

updates

First I know I am boring everyone with my knitting updates. But sorry. for any crafty people out there - esp knitters there is a new website to check out. If you WOOT , this is the knitters version. It is called Dizzy Sheep It is brand new, been around since Novemberish. I just ordered a couple "bags o knit" from there. I will let you know what is in it.

Phil leaves tomorrow. Mixed emotions on that. It has been a good visit but he is anxious to get back and that is adding a little tension. You see, there is this girl, and she is looking for her Superman, and Phil thinks he can be her Superman since she is counting down the days until he gets back. Enough said.

Drew had the last of this series of tests. He had an ambulatroy EEG for the past 24 hours. The tech who removed the wires this morning told me that Drew's neurologist was in teh hosptial waiting for it to be downloaded because he wanted to see it. WE don't have an appt until mid March for follow up. The tech did tell me he would relay that to Dr. Chez because that seemed like a long time to wait. I know the Fragile X came back normal. I don't know anything about the Chromosomal studies. The spine xray didn't show anything except a buldging disk. Nto sure what the Brain MRI showed. The thyroid, and celiac are normal. Hopefully we will here something soon. That way we can start something.

I am knitting like mad. My fibro is acting up. But what is new about that. I saw my GP last week and didn't like who the Rheumotologist sent me to so she has a new Rheumotologist to send me to. They will be upping my Lyrica again this week.

Scott is back at it. Even with all that time off for his illness he was in the top 10 billers for the year for the company. - before the surgery and recup he was in the top 3. I keep telling him he is a work a holic. There are some changes in the company coming down the pike. We are just waiting to see what it means for Scott. We don't anticipate another move. They would have to take me kicking and screaming. So we just sit and wait for the announcements right now...

That is about it

C

other projects

The top one is my shawl. The bottom is the side of my purse.

projects

So how many is too many knitting projects at a time. I have 4 going right now. I have 2 sweaters (pictures posted). I have a wrap/shawl. I have a labyrinth hexagon carpet bag. I need to get pictures of the others so you can see the progress.I really need to get the carpet bag done so that when my pattern for the bravo bag gets here I can get it started. I have many people (non knitters) say that 4 is too many. Personally I like having many projects in different stages. When I get bored or frustrated with one I can let it hibernate and work on another one. Makes perfect sense to me. Guess you have to be a knitter to understand. Maybe crafters understand.

It is official

I am old. I got my eyes examined yesterday. I was put in bifocals. I went with progressive lenses. Same thing happened to Scott. Some how the poem 'Come grow old with me' comes to mind. It isn't a horrible superscription but still it is the idea of it. The doc said I could have gone with one pair for distance and for close work but felt that progressives would be the best bet.

So I went on my mission to find that purse pattern. I went to the 'other' knit shop in town. It was awful. The owner was rude there was no yarn selection, and she didn't have the pattern. I asked if she could order it and she said yes that she would be seeing the designer at a conference this coming weekend and would see about it. But she it wasn't her ordering time and I would have to wait until she ordered again to get it. So I went to 'my' yarn shop. I showed the pattern to the girls and everyone fell in love with it. We pulled up the website and Anna had me pick about 10 patterns to order for the shop. THEN she told me once I got the bag knitted up she would have me teach the class on it. SO cool. There are several of this designers patterns that I am going to make. She has one that is called 'Saturday Morning' I am in love with it. There are several others but those are the ones I am starting with.

I need to get pictures of my projects and get them posted on here so you can see the progress.

Phil leaves in a week. It has been a really good visit. I am going to miss him. He is interested in this girl. Enough said. For now.

Wishing you Faith Trust and Pixie dust
C

date night

No not with my husband - although that would be nice. I have a date night with my fave 6 year old. Phil and Scott are headed to the Sacramento Kings vs Miami Heat game tonight. So it is just the munchkin and I. Haven't quite figured out what it will entail but I can pretty much guarantee it will include McDonalds.

I am going pattern searching today. I found the cutest bag ijn a knitting magazine last night. It isn't at my normal yarn store but it is to be at one in Elk Grove. So Phil and I are on a mission this afternoon. Here is the link It actually uses belts as the handles. I am really excited to do this one. I have 2 sweaters I am working on as well as a shawl. I am also working on another handbag but I am letting it hibernate for a while. It is driving me crazy so I am stepping a way from it for a while. My sis has this crazy idea that I should only do one project at a time. Silly silly girl. the more projects the better.

off to our mission