summer vacation

means mom is on the go. Drew and I have been having fun so far this summer. We are only 2 weeks in and have managed to keep busy and I have not heard the words all moms dread in the summer. You know the ones I am talking about so I won't jinx it by saying them here.

We painted pottery, went camping, and yesterday we saw CARS2. Today we are hitting my knitting group. He gets soup so he is happy. Starting tomorrow I will be working the church firework booth in the AM. I have to find time to hit the gym. I already miss not going. Drew loves going so that helps the motivation. We had a freak rain storm yesterday and it was cold. It should be warmer tomorrow so maybe after an appt in the afternoon we can go.

I have still been couponing. The one thing I have found is all the bloggers of couponing post the same things. Not that it is bad because sometimes I miss what one posts and pick it up somewhere else. I ordered a coupon binder/organizer yesterday. I am hopeful this gets this stack of paper off my desk and in some semblece of order.

OOOHHH I won another contest. Remember these? yes they are still around. It should make for a fun afternoon this summer with Drew - don't you think?

I am trying to find some half pint mason jars cheap. I found a way to send phil and betsy cupcakes. But I don't want to spend a fortune on getting the jars because shipping the goodies to phil and betsy will be bad enough. I found a recipe for oreo cookie cupcakes. I can't put my hands on the recipe right now but the looked so yummy. Wonder if this could be a business venture - shipping cupcakes??? Probably too expensive. Oh well,.

till next time - Faith Trust Pixie dust.

back in action

We are back from a wonderful weekend camping trip. It was a wonderful way to spend my birthday. It was relaxing. If you had told me years ago that I would be happy spending my birthday camping with a bunch of scouts and sharing an ice cream sundae with my husband I would have thought you were crazy and told you so. But you would have been right.

I am way behind on stuff now. I haven't even opened yesterday's paper for coupons. I have lots of scout stuff to get done this week. Did i ever mention I took on the daunting job of Advancement Chair for our Scout pack? Not a simple job. Can't believe all the paper work. I am sure in a month or two it will be easier.

Here are a couple deals for you. Living Social has a deal where you can buy a 10.00 voucher and recieve 20.00 of name brand cleaning products from Soap.com If you spend 25.00 you will get free shipping. I know I can always use another container of Tide. It is only a 24 hour deal so grab it now

Also, McDonalds has a great promotion right now. BOGO on their summer drinks., Frappes, frozen lemonades and smoothies.

That is my weekend in a nutshell.

Faith Trust and Pixie dust.

making a come back

When I lived in Kansas I had a little side business. Some may remember Cups of Chocolate. I really enjoyed it. It was lots of work but worth the effort. Scott and I have been talking and I am seriously thinking about bringing Cups back to life. Looking at what is on the internet I was a trail blazer all those years ago. Bite size treats are all the rage now. I can start locally. Already have a bit of interest from a friend.

I have also learned about the power of networking via internet and blogs. So I am working that aspect of it.

Just have to get supplies again and start mixing.

new family member

a few months ago we lost an important part of our nuclear family. Doris the hamster died. Proper burial ensued. Drew within 10 minutes wanted know when we would be getting a lizard. He had been asking for a while that if when Doris died if he could have a lizard. I am not sure where he picked up the name Doris but it bothered me that he named his hamster after my favorite great aunt. But I digress

Scott had an all day meeting today. And seeing as how last year when Scott was at this same meeting we became the proud owners of Skippy, it seemed fitting that the lizard joined us today.

The weather here has been horrible. It is usually in the upper 80's and we are all in shorts and t shirts. I still haven't put my sweaters away this year. We haven't even set up the pool yet and the season is starting to get short. Today it rained all day and maybe made it up to the mid 50's.

Tomorrow will be the same. Scott has to be in Davis to work a State Championship bike race. I went out today and bought him a golf umbrella to help keep him semi dry. I got the biggest hand held umbrella I could find. it is 68" across. Drew and I will be staying home and dry, cuddled in my bed wathcing movies and eating whatever junk food we may have in the house and that isn 't much. Scott will have the car so we can't even go get goodies.

Back to our new family member. So this morning drew and went on our search for a bearded dragon. Not my choice but in my research it would be a good first lizard. I got to talking to the nice young lady named Stephanie about what we were doing. She could see that I had reservations about the bearded dragon. She showed Andrew a leopard gecko and he loved it. We bought all the stuff and took it home and got the tank set up. We had to run a couple errands after that then back to the pet store to obtain our new friend, and crickets, and meal worms. I will be obtaining crickets every couple days for the next few years from what I now understand. The meal worms live in hibernation in the fridge - I only have to get hem once a week because they are sold in bulk of 50.

We are now the proud owners of CAMO the leopard gecko. Drew and Scott wanted to name it Phil but I nixed that one. Feeding it crickets isn't as bad as I expected. I just open the plastic bad and dump. I can do that.

On the way home from this adventure I told Drew I needed to rest because it had been sucha busy morning and I was getting tired. He told me "well I guess that can be your reward for being such a good little mommy today." GEE THANKS

65

Yesterday, my mom would have been 65 years old. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her at least briefly. I think anyone who has lost a parent does.

I wasn't sad yesterday, just kind of melancholy. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I would have marked her 65th birthday.

As Scott was leaving for Vestry last night I looked at him and said "She would have been 65 today" HE hugged me and said he saw my tweet and knew she had been on my mind.

Andrew was standing there and asked who was 65. I told him that his Grammy would have been 65 if she was still alive. He said "well she still is 65 today. Just because someone dies doesn't mean that people can't celebrate."

At that point he said " where is the cake and candles?" Scott went to Vestry and Drew and I had a cupcake to celebrate my mom.

Like my friend Elaine said "sometimes it just takes a kids perspective" I think Drew just started a new family tradition.

more tests

Well the tests aren't over. My GP ended up firing my neuro doc this week and is taking over my care on this issue until we can get into another neuro doc in a few weeks.

I had the nerve conduction test and according to the old neuro doc there are abnormalities but nothing he "can hang is hat on" Needless to say Scott and I were very frustrated.

My doc has ordered a lumbar puncture for next Thursday. Note the sarcasm when I say : I can hardly wait.

I see a new neuro doc the 23rd. I am hoping this one takes me seriously and listens to what is going on.

decent bedside manner would be a plus.

Health Update

Not sure how to take it. The MRI came back with no changes from the one is September. While I know this is a good thing(it showed no stroke or no growth in the 2 suspicious spots in my brain) it also showed normal blood flow etc. But since it showed nothing new, we need to figure out what the heck is going on. Over the past few weeks I have noticed more problems in my legs not my arms and hands. Yesterday at church I didn't have my cane and about toppled over - if it hadn't been for Scott and our friend Ben I would have been in a heap on the ground. I learned my cane needs to always be with me. Even if the day starts out with me feeling great - it can so south at any moment.

I emailed the neurologist to ask what the next step was. Not sure I want his answer. Part of me is worried that the is going to think I am nuts and say there is nothing wrong with be. I do have an appt with another neurologist in March and I am keeping that appt. HE is to be the best of the best.

I just want it figured out so I can go back to having some semblance of a life again. As Jay and Grant from the Ghost Hunters say - On to the next (in my case test.)

Canes

I wanted a cane that wasn't an old person cane. You know that aluminum/gray one that old women carry. I didn't want that. I am only 43 facing a real bum diagnosis. I can deal with it. From what I can tell it is not a death sentence it is just a life changer - God telling me "Hey time for you to realize you are not in control and you have got to trust and put your Faith in ME." HE will hold me in his hands through this and no matter the outcome He will have my back.

Back to my cane story. I decided that I wanted FUN canes. Canes with personality like me. Quirky, fun, mischievous, daring, happy.... I found a really cool website where I plan on ordering 3 canes from. One is black with flames - like House carries. One is a quad cane that is blue with the moon and stars painted on it. The third is pearlized purple with rhinestones. Due to a monetary slip up. I over paid a bill by 2000.00 and am currently waiting for the refund I can't order them yet.

But I went to CVS and got 2 canes. One is covered in pink roses and the other is brown and black checked. I may go back and see if they can order me one other one I liked but they were out of it at the time.

I have come to the conclusions canes are like purses - you can never have too many.

proud owner of....

My doctor today gave me 3 things. A script for a cane to help with balance, the signed forms for me to go stand in line at the DMV to get a handicap parking pass and an actual appointment time with a specialist to figure out what is wrong with me. It is the end of March but that is better than not having one at all. This specialist picks and chooses his patients based on case history. So him agreeing to take me is the first step.

I know I am facing a lumbar puncture, another MRI, nerve biopsies and who knows what else. My doc thinks he has an idea what this is. I am not a fan of what I have read of his possible diagnosis. Chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy. At this point it is just a guess.

It is hard to describe the sensation I feel at times. My arms feel numb and my legs feel like they are being tazed. at times it is an all over feeling of tingling like right now. Like there is a low voltage current running through me. I won't lie I am scared. I know there are treatments to put this in remission.

Just like everything else, God knew me before I was born and picked the path I was to travel. I may not understand why it is but it just is.

haven't been around

Sorry I haven't been keeping up with my blogging duties. I have many things to talk about but I am finding out people are reading my blog and then using things I say against me within my family. So I have decided to focus on things that don't have to do with my personal life that people can mistrue and get defensive about. That makes me sad because I always felt like this was a safe place for me to talk and if family chose to read it they would realize this was my avenue to vent and talk and exercise my right of free speech, and be myself but I am quite tired of the toxicity within my family right now. Some times family can be as toxic as trying to be perfect. I am tired of people who claim to know me trying to change me. Telling me how to act, how to be what they want me to be, how I was a disappointment to them, that they know more than me on every subject whether they honestly do. But to try and advice them is like entering the center of a hurricane and I become the worst person on earth.

Therefor while I will continue to talk about my kids, becoming Gluten Free, vacations, etc. My private life info is going to be off limits because I have found that I am honestly not free to be me. Censorship is a bad thing It is sad that "family" tends to judge the harshest even when they have no clue what is actually going on in my life. Judgement is not love but then I really wonder what family love and support look like these days.

my motto for the year.

It's a toxic desire to try to be perfect," she says. "I realized later in life that the challenge is not to be perfect. It's to be whole."

Jane Fonda is not one of my favorite people. However, I watched Oprah a few weeks ago and heard Jane say this. It really struck me. As a girl growing up there were expectations on us. Not the same ones from our mother's generation. We were told we were to go to college and get a degree and have a career before family. I messed that one up. I had no real drive when I was in the years 18-23. I got married to escape what I thought at the time was a horrible home life - looking back it was much better than I gave it credit for. I didn't rebel in high school I rebelled later. I got married, had a baby, got divorced, moved in with my parents, got my act together, graduated from Jr. College. Got a job got remarried. Adopted a baby, moved twice because of my husbands job and am now settled in Sacramento California.

There has been lots of reflection on my life in the past few months. Facing MS (and it has not been ruled out), my son entering a new part of his life, giving up homeschooling for something that drew needs. My life has been in constant flux for years.

What Jane Fonda said resonated with me. My whole life I have been trying to be perfect, perfect daughter, perfect friend perfect mom, perfect wife,perfect housekeeper, being the perfect everything to everyone. God knows I was not perfect at any of them. Most I failed miserably at in my younger days.

I was/am so busy trying to be everything to so many people that I have forgotten about me. This year I am going to find out what makes me me and make myself whole. I don't know what that will involve but I know there will be more reflection on what I enjoy, what I am good at, my relationships and which I feel are worth my time and energy. Do I do things because I other people enjoy them and I want to make them happy or am I doing something that full fills me? Am I in school for me or to full full some sort of dream others have so I don't disappoint people any more. I am not sure what "complete" means. That is the question. Stay tuned to find out the answer.

mom

There are lots of days I miss my mom and grandparents, today is one of two that I miss my mom it hurts like it was yesterday that she passed away.

Christmas was my mom's holiday. To her it meant family, love, time together, to be thankful for all we had. It just doesn't feel like Christmas. Living in California is hard during the holidays. It is not cold, there is no snow, there is no family except the three of us. This year it is worse because Phil is not here.

When I was a kid, we would always spend Christmas Eve going out to dinner with our grandparents. Some times if the weather was bad we would order pizza. Several years mom would boil shrimp and we would have a feast. Then back to our house to open Christmas presents from each other. My dad always called it conspicuous consumption. It usually did look like a wrapping paper factory threw up when the chaos was over. After we went to bed, Santa would come. After waking mom and dad up at ugly early and checking out the loot, mom and dad would go back to bed. When they were finally up there was flurry of activity as mom started cooking Christmas dinner. My grandparents would come over and some years my dad's other relatives from Hiawatha would join us. My dad was a firm believer that kids needed to be in their own environment during Christmas because it was a such a confusing chaotic time for them and being in their own home allowed some sense of normal routine.

I have tried to recreate the Christmas of years past. I have realized that is not possible. I can never be my mom. All I can do is remind my children of the meaning of family and when all else fails all we have is each other.

As we got older my mom became more of a Christmas fanatic. It would take a weekend to put up and decorate the tree. My parents best friends the Hazlett's would trek to Kansas city the day ofter Thanksgiving and start the process. I know there was one year that dad and Allan held the tree up while mom and Peggy rushed out to get fishing wire to string up the top part of the tree. I always felt safe and warm during Christmas. While we didn't do lots of baking and such, it was still my family and my traditions. I miss my family in Kansas. I wish many things could be different. I wish the closeness of the holidays was still present in all of us. I cherish those memories of Christmas' past. Sometimes I feel like it is all I have left.

day off

I still have lots to be thankful for but right now I am trying to finish a paper for my psych class. I have a 96 in the class and would love to get an A.

Also gearing up for the meeting with the school district tomorrow.

WOW what an experience

We just spent the last 24 hours on the USS Hornet. It was an amazing experience. The history on that place. Scott is down loading pictures now. I will post them later. They had the dads and boys in one area and the moms in another. We ended us splitting the boys and moms due to boys being nervous. Scott stayed with Drew and about 75 of our group. I was with the mom's group and a few young kids.

We were up on the bridge, on the flight deck, in the boughs of the ship, ate in the mess area. We and about 400 other people had run of the ship for tours and lectures from5-11 and again this morning from 7 -930.

My friend Kristina did captures some orbs. If you look closely you can see what appears to be a face in one of them. I met a docent who told me of an incident that happened to him where he was coming out of a private room and had a glass thrown at him.

About 4 this morning our berthing area got very cold. One mom commented she felt a chill from the inside out like she had never felt before. about a half an hour later I felt someone push me from under neath my bunk. When I went to bed there was no one in the bunk under me. I looked over the side to see if one of the little kids and moved. There was no one there. Thought I was dreaming. Oh well back to sleep. It happened a second time. I woke up my friend in the bunk next to me and asked her who was under my bunk. She said no one. I didn't say anything at that point. Suddenly the kid on the bunk above my friend asked her to quit pushing his bunk.

I whispered to Kristina what was going on. We were both a little spooked. About 15 minutes later a cell phone alarm went off. This was the woman who complained about the cold. We had all turned off our phones because signal was so scarce we wanted to preserve batteries as well as not have them going off trying to get messages during the night. When we got up about an hour later 2 people on the other side of the room reported having the underside of their bunk pushed on as well - there was no one under them as well.

So I guess I did have my first encounter with a ghost. I wanted to see one - not be touched by one. Tomorrow I will talk about the history we saw. But I had to share my ghost experience.

Army of Women

My friend Elaine had a wonderful blog post and wanted to let everyone know about an amazing opportunity.

Have you been touched by breast cancer? In todays society it is hard not to find someone who does not have a story about being touched by breast cancer in someway shape or form. Whether is a mom, sister, aunt, friend, or themselves everyone is being touched by this disease in one way or another. My grandmother had breast cancer. My dear friend Mary recently beat the disease. Their courage and strengh were an inspiration to me.

My mom was sick for many years and she signed up for any study for her disease that came her way. She wanted others to benefit from what could be found through her and the disease she fought. It was also an inspiration to me as well.

For these reasons I am asking you, my readers, to give a little of your self to help fight breast cancer in a way you may not have thought about before.

Avon Army of Women is working with many medical studies to find a cure. Take 2 minutes and go to the website. It will give you a chance to sign up for studies you might qualify for. I currently do not qualify for any of the studies but as soon as one comes for that I meet the qualifications for I will sign on the dotted line.Occasionally you might get an email notifying you of new studies. If you qualify you can sign up a study that might just find the key that unlocks the door to curing a disease so that our future, daughters, sisters, aunts, friends won't have to fight and leave this world early.

Do this for those in your life touched by Breast Cancer, Do it for yourself.

Musicals

When I was a kid my parents made sure my sister and I were introduced to live theatre. We saw shows like ANNIE, La Cage Aux Folles (with Peter Marshall and Keane Curtis) They're Playing Our Song , Chorus Line, this list goes on and on. My sister LOVED Chorus Line so much that when it was bring your fave record to school that is what she brought. She tried to get the teacher to play Looks 10 Dance3 (better known as T&A).

My sister and I have carried this love of theater with us as we have grown in to women. I made sure that Phil saw live theater as a child. My sister once even gave us tickets to CATS so Phil could enjoy the experience. He actually named his cat MCCavity. Phil loved theater so much he took singing and acting lessons in high school and was in EVERY play Seabury did while he attended. As a Sr. he starred in Suessical as Horton. I am proud to say my son played a GREAT elephant. In some ways it doesn't seem like a stretch from his normal lumbering self.

I have put off taking Andrew to theater. I have been worried about his attention span. This fall I have us signed up to see 3 shows at the local children's theater. Scott is out of town, and I found this great TV channel I didn't know existed (guess that is what happens when you have 300 channels to choose from). So I declared it a junk food night and we are going to curl up in my bed and watch CATS on TV. I am hoping it keeps his attention. It is a start.

colds

Have you ever noticed that Colds come at the most inopportune time? Not like anyone wants to schedule when they have a cold but honestly they always seem to appear at the worst possible - most busy time for me.

Take the one I woke up with. Yesterday I felt out of sorts - kind of crabby and just not my self. I am usually such a ray of sunshine. If you believe that I have part of a bridge in Brooklyn to sell ya. Anyhow, in the middle of the night I woke up feeling achy and by morning I was sure my head was going to explode and Scott would be having to clean grey matter off the office walls.

My week? Tonight is the kickoff for the Scout Pack fundraiser. Who is to present it to the parents? ME! Tomorrow Drew has his tutor and his therapies and I have choir tomorrow night. We will see what happens. Friday is CHILL (our homeschool co - op.) I am supposed to teach. My co-teacher is away on a business trip. Then as soon as CHILL is over we are to head to Bodega Bay for a CHILL camping trip. IF we don't do that we are supposed to go to OctoberFest at church as well as the Bishop is coming for his visit on Sunday morning to church. Not to mention I have to teach Drew all week.

I checked the scheudle and I have tried to explain to this cold that 3 weeks from now would be better if it would like to rebook. I was met with a full on coughing attack. Guess this cold and I will not be seeing eye to eye and it is planning on sticking around a few days.

Saturday Morning

Well it is Saturday morning. Again. Scott and his friends are on a re-con ride getting ready for the GranFondo which is coming up in a few weeks. I am staring at a mound of laundry. But instead I think Drew and I will go get lunch and go to the library. And Skippy needs his nails cut, and the car needs washed, and I am sure I can find 10 other things to do besides the laundry. But it will be waiting for me no matter what. So I will get it started.

We are getting ready to start our next section of ancient history. We will be spending a month or so studying Ancient Egypt. I have some fun stuff planned. We are going to mummify a chicken. I will take pictures to help document this one.

CHILL has started up again. Yesterday was like the first day of school for our homeschoolers. There was such excitement in the air as everyone gathered. New students, old students, new and old moms - all with the mission of giving their kids one more outlet for learning. Drew is taking Spanish, Nutrition and Getting ready for Fort Ross. That is several posts in itself so stay tuned for our living/learning time at Ft. Ross. I am teaching ASL. I have a great group of kids. My co teacher is such a great funny lady she should be the head teacher because she can keep their attention better than me. But together we make a GREAT team. I swear if I could I would get her on Last Comic Standing. She would walk away with it all.

IF I had my way Drew and I would be spending the day at Disneyland. Too bad it is a 6 hour car trip. I wish it was closer. I would never get laundry done. I tried to convince Scott we needed to go again for Halloween but I was informed that Christmas in Florida was enough. HUMPH.

We are headed camping next weekend with our CHILL group. We are going to the sand dunes of Bodega Bay. The weather is supposed to be good. LASt camping trip of the year. We need to start thinking about where we want to go next summer so we can get it booked. People start booking campsites in February for the summer. So I need to pin Scott down on where we are going. WHAT AM I SAYING????? No one would believe I enjoy camping now. There is something totally different about camping in California.

well the laundry waits and drew is STARVING.

FTPD

C

Unit Studies

I think I may be getting the hang of this. This school year, so far is much better than the last. We are having fun. I am not nearly as uptight. I see lots of progress being made.

I attended a class a few weeks ago on unit studies. This used to be how school was taught. Most of the subjects were incorporated around a topic (writing, history, science, art, English). So I decided this year I would try my hand at using unit studies to teach Drew about the ancient civilizations. We just finished Mesopotamia and will start Ancient Egypt next week. When I was 8 I had no clue what the Fertile Crescent was let alone it was bordered by the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, Drew does and he can explain what a shaduf is and how it works. We learned that the Mesopotamians invented the wheel as well as the flush toilet (I thank them for both). We have learned about Cuniform and ziggurats. We have drawn pictures, colored maps, made puppets, discussed agriculture, roles of men and women. The list goes on. It has been LOADS of fun for both of us.

Today he started asking about where Dracula came from as well as Frankenstein, werewolves, why mummies were supposed to be scary. He already has Halloween on his mind. So it hit me. I home school! I can teach what I want! If it excites Drew then let's learn about it. We are going to take about 2 weeks close to Halloween and do a unit study on the myths and legends of Halloween.

We have the big trip in December that he doesn't know about. So, why not do a unit study on the life of Walt Disney and his vision? I actually have unit studies planned for the next 5 months. Maybe this will be one way to keep school going year round. In the summer we just do a couple unit studies.

We still do math and spelling most days but we have so much fun with these studies it is hard to get the other stuff in like we need to.

I found this video the other day and it sums up homeschooling so well. I was terrified at the beginning but my home school friends have helped so much. I have learned that every day there are opportunities to learn that don't involve a classroom. We embrace learning in a totally different hands on way. We now go camping, play dates, park days, museums, field trips to all sorts of places. We are going to Monterey Aquarium in November, Fort Ross in April. Drew will be taking Spanish, nutrition this semester with our local co-op. He is also taking a year long class to get us ready for Fort Ross and when we get back he will have to make a presentation board about what he learned. He has already picked his country for our International day.

I get really irritated at our pastors wife. She is a teacher and every time she sees Drew she asks him math questions, spelling questions, English (noun verb) questions. She is continually tell me that he is behind. UMM...NO he is not behind, he is where he needs to be for him. How may second graders do you know who can point to the Tigris River on a map and explain that is now an area in conflict? The math and spelling will come - heck Phil can't spell and he is about to graduate from college.

I guess what I am trying to say (getting off my soap box) is that while home school is not for everyone. For us it has been the best thing we CHOSE to do.

THAT day

9 years ago I was driving my son to school after a dentist appointment. We were listening to the radio when the announcer announced someone with really bad direction had flown a small aircraft into the World Trade Center. WOW that is crazy I thought. We kept driving. A few minutes later the announcer came back on and said - it happened again - another plane had hit the other tower and it was a commerical aircraft carrier. WOW that is even crazier. Phil asked me what it meant. I had no idea but I assured him (with the confidence that every mother has in moments like this) that everything would be all right and he was safe.

I got him to school and walked in and told the secretary something crazy was going on and she needed to find a radio. I explained what we had heard on the radio. At that moment all of her phone lines started ringing with concerned parents. I hugged Phil good bye and said I would see him after school. I remember calling Scott on my way home and telling him he needed to find a way to get some news. This was 9 years ago before constant, instantious internet news coverage.

I went home and turned on the TV. My sister called (or maybe I called her) we sat watching the TV trying to figure out what was going on. We were 60 miles away from each other and it was one time in our life that I truly felt close to her. Our parents were on the way to DC on vacation. They were driving. My cell rang and it was mom. Amie called Dad on her cell. One most of my vivid memories is my sister yelling "OH MY GOD it is going down" as the first building fell. We watched in horror connected by that phone at what was happening before eyes. We begged them to come home. Finally they realized this was major. They were driving and only had our accounts and the radio to go by. They did turn around and head for KC.

The other day I was talking to Phil about what he remembered. He recounted what happened as the school day continued. I remember fighting the urge to go get him and bring him home (that safe haven every parent feels about their house for their child). As Phil and I talked the other day it hit me. For his generation, this is the first "I remember where I was when...." they will have. He was the about the same age I was when I had my first one of those moments,John Lennon being shot. Somehow, now that memory doesn't compare to his first of those memories.

I remember that day, 9 years ago wondering about the world my child was growing up in. 9 months later we adopted Andrew. He doesn't remember a world where you don't have to take your shoes off at the airport, or packing all your liquids in your checked bags. This is the first year I have exposed him to what happened that day. I wanted him to maintain his belief that the world is inherently good as long as possible.

I pray for Phil, his generation has VERY few of the "I remember where I was..." moments. I hope for all of us there is never another day that causes such fear. But like my friend Allan said... If you give into the fear, you let them win.