I looked at Scott yesterday and said we need to escape. It has been a long few months. With my gall bladder surgery and then everything that happened with Scott. I need to re energize.
So off to the phone I go. I manage to get a room on points at the sheraton across from Disney. I got reservatins for valentine's night at Goofy's kitchen. All set to go.
WRONG!!!!
Freinds at the yarn shop told me that we were going President's weekend and that is the absolutely worst weekend to go. Every kid in SoCal will be there as well hs half the kids from NoCal. It is a 3 day weekend so lots of parents head there for the long weekend - rookie resident mistake.
Then
We look at the calendar and realize that Saturday Feb 14 is the start of the of the Tour of California. We have both been looking forward to it. Scott used to race against some of the competitors when he was a kid. Plus a chance to see Lance Armstrong race is a huge pull.
Since he agreed to go to Disney for a weekend the least I can do is move our weekend. So I have changed out dates we not go Feb 19-22. I have to make reservations for goofys kitchen again.
So the plan is that while Drew is at school I will pack overnight bags and leave them in the garage. Scott is leaving work early and when he gets home he will put the bags in the trunk. This way Drew won't know. Then we will load up and head out. I have had many people tell me times to get to anaheim range from 5 hours to 7 hours. Who knows.
I am really looking forward to getting away for a few days.
Here's to a magical weekend with a very generous helping of Pixie dust.
C
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Maybe Mom does know something.
I have mentioned is several posts about a girl Phil likes. He has wanted to date her but he was following the advice of the guys in the frat. Big mistake. DO you know what happens when 30+ 20 something guys live together. There is a fear of showing their caring side. Even to the opposite sex.
All Thru Christmas I kept hearing about this young lady. Phil had it bad. He would text her on a continual basis - thang goodness for unlimited texting plans. She would drive him crazy. Anyway, Phil had been following the advice of his frat brothers. They were telling him to be standoffish -and to "just make your move already" He was getting nowhere with her.
The other day he was in a really bad mood. He even took it out me which Scott agreed was unusual. I texted him and told him it was time for tough love. I asked why he was letting everyone else dictate how he persued this girl. Obviously what the guys in the house were telling him weren't getting him anywhere.
He called last night. I get "thanks mom" I am perplexed.
He said " I decided to be myself and do what I knew was right" I am more perplexed.
HE said "you raised me right" OK chalk one up for mom but what the heck are you talking about?
He said " I am not macho and uncaring." OK I agree
He said "I went to the florist and sent XXXX 2 yellow roses yesterday"
HE HAD BEEN LISTENING after all. Years of drilling into him how to treat a girl had paid off.
He is the talk of the young lady's sorority house.
Mom 1 frat brothers 0 (at least in how to treat a lady.)
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Christmas with Louise
Every year this goes around and it seemed appropriate to share~ I hope no one is offended, as it is meant only in fun. It was submitted to a 1999 Louisville Sentinel contest to find out who had the wildest Christmas dinner, and won first prize.
I spewed coffee everywhere when I read this. I hope you get a chuckle out of it .
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart.
I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the carpool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled on 'Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louis's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay, my brother said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny! Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later, I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home. The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my mother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louis's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.
Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
I spewed coffee everywhere when I read this. I hope you get a chuckle out of it .
As a joke, my brother used to hang a pair of panty hose over his fireplace before Christmas. He said all he wanted was for Santa to fill them. What they say about Santa checking the list twice must be true because every Christmas morning, although Jay's kids' stockings were overflowed, his poor pantyhose hung sadly empty.
One year I decided to make his dream come true. I put on sunglasses and went in search of an inflatable love doll. They don't sell those things at Wal-Mart.
I had to go to an adult bookstore downtown. If you've never been in an X-rated store, don't go. You'll only confuse yourself. I was there an hour saying things like, "What does this do?" "You're kidding me!" "Who would buy that?" Finally, I made it to the inflatable doll section. I wanted to buy a standard, uncomplicated doll that could also substitute as a passenger in my truck so I could use the carpool lane during rush hour.
Finding what I wanted was difficult. Love dolls come in many different models. The top of the line, according to the side of the box, could do things I'd only seen in a book on animal husbandry. I settled on 'Lovable Louise." She was at the bottom of the price scale. To call Louise a "doll" took a huge leap of imagination.
On Christmas Eve, with the help of an old bicycle pump, Louise came to life. My sister-in-law was in on the plan and let me in during the wee morning hours, long after Santa had come and gone, I filled the dangling pantyhose with Louis's pliant legs and bottom. I also ate some cookies and drank what remained of a glass of milk on a nearby tray. I went home, and giggled for a couple of hours. The next morning my brother called to say that Santa had been to his house and left a present that had made him VERY happy but had left the dog confused. She would bark, start to walk away, then come back and bark some more. We all agreed that Louise should remain in her panty hose so the rest of the family could admire her when they came over for the traditional Christmas dinner.
My grandmother noticed Louise the moment she walked in the door. "What the hell is that?" she asked. My brother quickly explained, "It's a doll." "Who would play with something like that?" Granny snapped. I had several candidates in mind, but kept my mouth shut. "Where are her clothes?" Granny continued.
"Boy, that turkey sure smells nice, Gran," Jay, my brother said, trying to steer her into the dining room. But Granny was relentless. "Why doesn't she have any teeth?" Again, I could have answered, but why would I? It was Christmas and no one wanted to ride in the back of the ambulance saying, "Hang on Granny! Hang on!"
My grandfather, a delightful old man with poor eyesight, sidled up to me and said, "Hey, who's the naked gal by the fireplace?" I told him she was Jay's friend. A few minutes later, I noticed Grandpa by the mantel, talking to Louise. Not just talking, but actually flirting. It was then that we realized this might be Grandpa's last Christmas at home. The dinner went well. We made the usual small talk about who had died, who was dying, and who should be killed, when suddenly Louise made a noise that sounded a lot like my father in the bathroom in the morning. Then she lurched from the panty hose, flew around the room twice, and fell in a heap in front of the sofa.
The cat screamed. I passed cranberry sauce through my nose, and Grandpa ran across the room, fell to his knees, and began administering mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. My brother fell back over his chair and wet his pants and Granny threw down her napkin, stomped out of the room, and sat in the car.
It was indeed a Christmas to treasure and remember. Later in my mother's garage, we conducted a thorough examination to decide the cause of Louis's collapse. We discovered that Louise had suffered from a hot ember to the back of her right thigh. Fortunately, thanks to a wonder drug called duct tape, we restored her to perfect health.
Louise went on to star in several bachelor party movies. I think Grandpa still calls her whenever he can get out of the house.
Why there is no Fibromyalgia day
I promise this my last fibro post for a while.
Nobody could remember when it was.
Nobody could remember the color of the ribbons.
We couldn't find a color ribbon that wasn't used that coordinated with the colors of all the sweats.
The ribbon's pin pushed on a trigger point.
How could there be a day for something that doesn't exist?
Patients with fibromyalgia couldn't fold the ribbon into the proper shape.
Patients with fibromyalgia are too depressed to get out of bed to attend a rally.
Social Security would use our ability to rally as proof of our ability to work.
Everybody kept getting paper-cuts from trying to fold the flyers.
The bags carrying our medications were too heavy to carry.
No one wanted to leave home overnight because they couldn't pack their beds.
Somebody had to hold the planning meeting, and nobody's house was clean enough.
Someone set up a massage booth, and it got so crowded it collapsed. Since everyone was in the booth at the time, nobody was left to rally.
Everyone wanted the bumper sticker, "See, I told you I was sick," but the printer ran out.
There weren't enough Porta-Potties in the state for the folks with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
The politicians realized the size of the voting block, and the media trucks filled all the parking spots.
Some doctor said, "It's all in your head," but they never found the body.
The booth offering 'Chocolate Diet Pills' ran out in 10 minutes.
The people using TENS units shorted out the Pacific power grid.10 percent of the crowd went into a flare at the same time, and the resulting glow melted the ice caps at both poles.
author unknown
Nobody could remember when it was.
Nobody could remember the color of the ribbons.
We couldn't find a color ribbon that wasn't used that coordinated with the colors of all the sweats.
The ribbon's pin pushed on a trigger point.
How could there be a day for something that doesn't exist?
Patients with fibromyalgia couldn't fold the ribbon into the proper shape.
Patients with fibromyalgia are too depressed to get out of bed to attend a rally.
Social Security would use our ability to rally as proof of our ability to work.
Everybody kept getting paper-cuts from trying to fold the flyers.
The bags carrying our medications were too heavy to carry.
No one wanted to leave home overnight because they couldn't pack their beds.
Somebody had to hold the planning meeting, and nobody's house was clean enough.
Someone set up a massage booth, and it got so crowded it collapsed. Since everyone was in the booth at the time, nobody was left to rally.
Everyone wanted the bumper sticker, "See, I told you I was sick," but the printer ran out.
There weren't enough Porta-Potties in the state for the folks with Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
The politicians realized the size of the voting block, and the media trucks filled all the parking spots.
Some doctor said, "It's all in your head," but they never found the body.
The booth offering 'Chocolate Diet Pills' ran out in 10 minutes.
The people using TENS units shorted out the Pacific power grid.10 percent of the crowd went into a flare at the same time, and the resulting glow melted the ice caps at both poles.
author unknown
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
SPOONS
I have an invisible chronic syndrome. Most people don't realize I am sick because I don't look like it. A woman with Lupus, Christine Miserandino, came up with the Spoon Theory to explain to her friend what it was like to live with a chronic condition day in and day out. I had heard of the Spoon theory before but never really got it until I reread it a few weeks ago.I have been struggling with symptoms for several year but only got a REAL diagnosis a year ago. I am just beginning to accept my limitations. Some days I have lots of spoons when I get up. Others I only have 4 or five.
Christine explained that "the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted."
I am copying the spoon theory from the website butyoudon'tlooksick.com I know it is long but please read it.
Christine explained that "the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted."
I am copying the spoon theory from the website butyoudon'tlooksick.com I know it is long but please read it.
by Christine Miserandino www.butyoudontlooksick.com
My best friend and I were in the diner, talking. As usual, it was very late and we were eating French fries with gravy. Like normal girls our age, we spent a lot of time in the diner while in college, and most of the time we spent talking about boys, music or trivial things, that seemed very important at the time. We never got serious about anything in particular and spent most of our time laughing.
As I went to take some of my medicine with a snack as I usually did, she watched me with an awkward kind of stare, instead of continuing the conversation. She then asked me out of the blue what it felt like to have Lupus and be sick. I was shocked not only because she asked the random question, but also because I assumed she knew all there was to know about Lupus. She came to doctors with me, she saw me walk with a cane, and throw up in the bathroom. She had seen me cry in pain, what else was there to know?
I started to ramble on about pills, and aches and pains, but she kept pursuing, and didn't seem satisfied with my answers. I was a little surprised as being my roommate in college and friend for years; I thought she already knew the medical definition of Lupus. Then she looked at me with a face every sick person knows well, the face of pure curiosity about something no one healthy can truly understand. She asked what it felt like, not physically, but what it felt like to be me, to be sick.
As I tried to gain my composure, I glanced around the table for help or guidance, or at least stall for time to think. I was trying to find the right words. How do I answer a question I never was able to answer for myself? How do I explain every detail of every day being effected, and give the emotions a sick person goes through with clarity. I could have given up, cracked a joke like I usually do, and changed the subject, but I remember thinking if I don’t try to explain this, how could I ever expect her to understand. If I can’t explain this to my best friend, how could I explain my world to anyone else? I had to at least try.
At that moment, the spoon theory was born. I quickly grabbed every spoon on the table; hell I grabbed spoons off of the other tables. I looked at her in the eyes and said “Here you go, you have Lupus”. She looked at me slightly confused, as anyone would when they are being handed a bouquet of spoons. The cold metal spoons clanked in my hands, as I grouped them together and shoved them into her hands.
I explained that the difference in being sick and being healthy is having to make choices or to consciously think about things when the rest of the world doesn’t have to. The healthy have the luxury of a life without choices, a gift most people take for granted.
Most people start the day with unlimited amount of possibilities, and energy to do whatever they desire, especially young people. For the most part, they do not need to worry about the effects of their actions. So for my explanation, I used spoons to convey this point. I wanted something for her to actually hold, for me to then take away, since most people who get sick feel a “loss” of a life they once knew. If I was in control of taking away the spoons, then she would know what it feels like to have someone or something else, in this case Lupus, being in control.
She grabbed the spoons with excitement. She didn’t understand what I was doing, but she is always up for a good time, so I guess she thought I was cracking a joke of some kind like I usually do when talking about touchy topics. Little did she know how serious I would become?
I asked her to count her spoons. She asked why, and I explained that when you are healthy you expect to have a never-ending supply of "spoons". But when you have to now plan your day, you need to know exactly how many “spoons” you are starting with. It doesn’t guarantee that you might not lose some along the way, but at least it helps to know where you are starting. She counted out 12 spoons. She laughed and said she wanted more. I said no, and I knew right away that this little game would work, when she looked disappointed, and we hadn't even started yet. I’ve wanted more "spoons" for years and haven’t found a way yet to get more, why should she? I also told her to always be conscious of how many she had, and not to drop them because she can never forget she has Lupus.
I asked her to list off the tasks of her day, including the most simple. As, she rattled off daily chores, or just fun things to do; I explained how each one would cost her a spoon. When she jumped right into getting ready for work as her first task of the morning, I cut her off and took away a spoon. I practically jumped down her throat. I said " No! You don’t just get up. You have to crack open your eyes, and then realize you are late. You didn’t sleep well the night before. You have to crawl out of bed, and then you have to make your self something to eat before you can do anything else, because if you don’t, you can't take your medicine, and if you don’t take your medicine you might as well give up all your spoons for today and tomorrow too." I quickly took away a spoon and she realized she hasn’t even gotten dressed yet. Showering cost her spoon, just for washing her hair and shaving her legs. Reaching high and low that early in the morning could actually cost more than one spoon, but I figured I would give her a break; I didn’t want to scare her right away. Getting dressed was worth another spoon. I stopped her and broke down every task to show her how every little detail needs to be thought about. You cannot simply just throw clothes on when you are sick. I explained that I have to see what clothes I can physically put on, if my hands hurt that day buttons are out of the question. If I have bruises that day, I need to wear long sleeves, and if I have a fever I need a sweater to stay warm and so on. If my hair is falling out I need to spend more time to look presentable, and then you need to factor in another 5 minutes for feeling badly that it took you 2 hours to do all this.
I think she was starting to understand when she theoretically didn’t even get to work, and she was left with 6 spoons. I then explained to her that she needed to choose the rest of her day wisely, since when your “spoons” are gone, they are gone. Sometimes you can borrow against tomorrow’s "spoons", but just think how hard tomorrow will be with less "spoons". I also needed to explain that a person who is sick always lives with the looming thought that tomorrow may be the day that a cold comes, or an infection, or any number of things that could be very dangerous. So you do not want to run low on "spoons", because you never know when you truly will need them. I didn’t want to depress her, but I needed to be realistic, and unfortunately being prepared for the worst is part of a real day for me.
We went through the rest of the day, and she slowly learned that skipping lunch would cost her a spoon, as well as standing on a train, or even typing at her computer too long. She was forced to make choices and think about things differently. Hypothetically, she had to choose not to run errands, so that she could eat dinner that night.
When we got to the end of her pretend day, she said she was hungry. I summarized that she had to eat dinner but she only had one spoon left. If she cooked, she wouldn’t have enough energy to clean the pots. If she went out for dinner, she might be too tired to drive home safely. Then I also explained, that I didn’t even bother to add into this game, that she was so nauseous, that cooking was probably out of the question anyway. So she decided to make soup, it was easy. I then said it is only 7pm, you have the rest of the night but maybe end up with one spoon, so you can do something fun, or clean your apartment, or do chores, but you can’t do it all.
I rarely see her emotional, so when I saw her upset I knew maybe I was getting through to her. I didn’t want my friend to be upset, but at the same time I was happy to think finally maybe someone understood me a little bit. She had tears in her eyes and asked quietly “Christine, How do you do it? Do you really do this everyday?” I explained that some days were worse then others; some days I have more spoons then most. But I can never make it go away and I can’t forget about it, I always have to think about it. I handed her a spoon I had been holding in reserve. I said simply, “I have learned to live life with an extra spoon in my pocket, in reserve. You need to always be prepared”
Its hard, the hardest thing I ever had to learn is to slow down, and not do everything. I fight this to this day. I hate feeling left out, having to choose to stay home, or to not get things done that I want to. I wanted her to feel that frustration. I wanted her to understand, that everything everyone else does comes so easy, but for me it is one hundred little jobs in one. I need to think about the weather, my temperature that day, and the whole day's plans before I can attack any one given thing. When other people can simply do things, I have to attack it and make a plan like I am strategizing a war. It is in that lifestyle, the difference between being sick and healthy. It is the beautiful ability to not think and just do. I miss that freedom. I miss never having to count "spoons".
After we were emotional and talked about this for a little while longer, I sensed she was sad. Maybe she finally understood. Maybe she realized that she never could truly and honestly say she understands. But at least now she might not complain so much when I can't go out for dinner some nights, or when I never seem to make it to her house and she always has to drive to mine. I gave her a hug when we walked out of the diner. I had the one spoon in my hand and I said “Don’t worry. I see this as a blessing. I have been forced to think about everything I do. Do you know how many spoons people waste everyday? I don’t have room for wasted time, or wasted “spoons” and I chose to spend this time with you.”
Ever since this night, I have used the spoon theory to explain my life to many people. In fact, my family and friends refer to spoons all the time. It has been a code word for what I can and cannot do. Once people understand the spoon theory they seem to understand me better, but I also think they live their life a little differently too. I think it isn’t just good for understanding Lupus, but anyone dealing with any disability or illness. Hopefully, they don’t take so much for granted or their life in general. I give a piece of myself, in every sense of the word when I do anything. It has become an inside joke. I have become famous for saying to people jokingly that they should feel special when I spend time with them, because they have one of my "spoons".
© 2003 by Christine Miserandino Butyoudontlooksick.com
When I first read this I thought only of my mom and what she went thru. I wish I had this story when she was sick. While I don't suffer from Lupus I still must make choices each day as to what I can/will/want to.
count your spoons before you go to bed and Thank God for each spoon you can use and always have one in reserve so you can spend that spoon on a friend.
A little cheese with my WHINE
I started this post as a whine about what is wrong with me but as I wrote it I realzied it was more of an information piece about Fibromyalgia Syndrome and me.
I have been diagnosed fibromyalgia This is not something made up that is just in my mind. This is an honest to god syndrome with real symptoms. I try hard not to complain because I know so many people have worse problems than I do. But it gets really frustrating when I try to vent and hear things like - your mom never complained about her illness, see a shrink it is just depression, the pain can't BE that BAD, lose weight that will solve ALL your problems, why are you always tired, why can't you remember anything, the list goes on.
Fibro is not a well understood problem. It is very difficult to diagnose as there are other diseases out there who mimic Fibro. I have recently had ruled out Chrons, Hep A-C, Celiac, thyroid, and ruematoid arthritis. The main diagnosis for Fibro is something called pain points. There are 18 points where pain typical is in a person with Fibro - if you have at least 11 and everything else has been ruled out then they will agree you have Fibro. Yea for a diagnosis but now how to treat it. It is not a well understood problem so it isn't easy to treat. (there isn't even a correct spelling for Fibro in spell check so how can it be treated if it can't even be spelled?)
I recently went on Lyrica - it works OK but I am on a low dose. Unfortunately I have gained 10 pounds on it. People on it tend to gain up to 10% of their current body weight. I am asking to go off of it Friday. I have learned from reading that pain management is one of the main components. Problem is most regular docs don't understand the amount of pain a Fibro patient suffers. On a good day my pain is a 4 out of 10. Those days I can function pretty well. I try to manage to be a normal housewife and mom on those days. But right now because my former doctor doesn't understand fibro or the management of it I am changing docs, I sit most days at least an 8 out of 10. Yes I know I have given birth and labor was painful. BUT this is different pain. It is hard to describe. Ever have the flu? Of course you have. you know that achy feeling you get when you are on day 2 or so? It is like that but only worse. Some days I feel like someone has poured cement in to my body and I have to stop and think about how to walk.
A second problem is fatigue and insomnia. I get very tired. Look for an artitcle tomorrow about the spoons. It explains the fatigue very well. I have taken to telling Scott I have about used all my spoons for the day. It is a signal to me that I am listening to my body and to Scott that I need some relief from mom/wife duties for the rest of the evening. Some days it happens at 2 or 3 and others it happens at 7. Even then, I try very hard not to miss my bedtime routine with Drew. It isn't is fault that I have this crap. Insomnia is a nightmare - no pun intended. I do try to be a regular mom and not have this impact him too much. I volunteer in his class for 3 hours one day a week. I use all my spoons by then. He has playdates etc. I just have to manage what I do on those days so I am able be alert and able to deal with things.
Another major problem I suffer from is memory loss - some call it Fibro Fog. It is not dementia. I know who people are and what my car keys are for. My problem is I can't remember names of people and things. I never know when it will strike. The other day I couldn't remember what a magnet was called. I knew exactly where it was on the fridge, I knew the color and what I needed off of magnet but DAMN if I could remember what to call it. A week ago I couldn't remember my phone #. I was talking to an insurance company and she rattled off a phone #. I had no clue if it was mine. I had to stop and look for my # to make sure it was correct. It can be embarassing and frustrating. Be patient with me. I don't like not remembering things. It has always been something I was very good at. Scott has taken to having me describe what I am trying to say then he fills in teh blank. I used to get mad when he would guess before i could describe. So we have found a way to communicate. Phil gets pretty frustrated with me but I think he is doing better.
I try to make a joke out of most of this - what else can I do? Wallow in self pity? Nah my mom wouldn't have done that. She was strong. And I try to be like my mom - to a point. She was dealt a very crappy hand. My hand is better but don't blow me off when I try to talk about it. I am not asking for sympathy I am asking for understanding. I don't need advice, I need a cyberhug - softly because hugs can hurt some days. Ask me how I am truly doing if you don't want to know. My typical answer is I am fine. don't press for more information just to be polite. IF you want to know I can answer your questions. I am reading lots on how to work with this.
soft hug to everyone. Look for spoons tomorrow.
FTPD
C
I have been diagnosed fibromyalgia This is not something made up that is just in my mind. This is an honest to god syndrome with real symptoms. I try hard not to complain because I know so many people have worse problems than I do. But it gets really frustrating when I try to vent and hear things like - your mom never complained about her illness, see a shrink it is just depression, the pain can't BE that BAD, lose weight that will solve ALL your problems, why are you always tired, why can't you remember anything, the list goes on.
Fibro is not a well understood problem. It is very difficult to diagnose as there are other diseases out there who mimic Fibro. I have recently had ruled out Chrons, Hep A-C, Celiac, thyroid, and ruematoid arthritis. The main diagnosis for Fibro is something called pain points. There are 18 points where pain typical is in a person with Fibro - if you have at least 11 and everything else has been ruled out then they will agree you have Fibro. Yea for a diagnosis but now how to treat it. It is not a well understood problem so it isn't easy to treat. (there isn't even a correct spelling for Fibro in spell check so how can it be treated if it can't even be spelled?)
I recently went on Lyrica - it works OK but I am on a low dose. Unfortunately I have gained 10 pounds on it. People on it tend to gain up to 10% of their current body weight. I am asking to go off of it Friday. I have learned from reading that pain management is one of the main components. Problem is most regular docs don't understand the amount of pain a Fibro patient suffers. On a good day my pain is a 4 out of 10. Those days I can function pretty well. I try to manage to be a normal housewife and mom on those days. But right now because my former doctor doesn't understand fibro or the management of it I am changing docs, I sit most days at least an 8 out of 10. Yes I know I have given birth and labor was painful. BUT this is different pain. It is hard to describe. Ever have the flu? Of course you have. you know that achy feeling you get when you are on day 2 or so? It is like that but only worse. Some days I feel like someone has poured cement in to my body and I have to stop and think about how to walk.
A second problem is fatigue and insomnia. I get very tired. Look for an artitcle tomorrow about the spoons. It explains the fatigue very well. I have taken to telling Scott I have about used all my spoons for the day. It is a signal to me that I am listening to my body and to Scott that I need some relief from mom/wife duties for the rest of the evening. Some days it happens at 2 or 3 and others it happens at 7. Even then, I try very hard not to miss my bedtime routine with Drew. It isn't is fault that I have this crap. Insomnia is a nightmare - no pun intended. I do try to be a regular mom and not have this impact him too much. I volunteer in his class for 3 hours one day a week. I use all my spoons by then. He has playdates etc. I just have to manage what I do on those days so I am able be alert and able to deal with things.
Another major problem I suffer from is memory loss - some call it Fibro Fog. It is not dementia. I know who people are and what my car keys are for. My problem is I can't remember names of people and things. I never know when it will strike. The other day I couldn't remember what a magnet was called. I knew exactly where it was on the fridge, I knew the color and what I needed off of magnet but DAMN if I could remember what to call it. A week ago I couldn't remember my phone #. I was talking to an insurance company and she rattled off a phone #. I had no clue if it was mine. I had to stop and look for my # to make sure it was correct. It can be embarassing and frustrating. Be patient with me. I don't like not remembering things. It has always been something I was very good at. Scott has taken to having me describe what I am trying to say then he fills in teh blank. I used to get mad when he would guess before i could describe. So we have found a way to communicate. Phil gets pretty frustrated with me but I think he is doing better.
I try to make a joke out of most of this - what else can I do? Wallow in self pity? Nah my mom wouldn't have done that. She was strong. And I try to be like my mom - to a point. She was dealt a very crappy hand. My hand is better but don't blow me off when I try to talk about it. I am not asking for sympathy I am asking for understanding. I don't need advice, I need a cyberhug - softly because hugs can hurt some days. Ask me how I am truly doing if you don't want to know. My typical answer is I am fine. don't press for more information just to be polite. IF you want to know I can answer your questions. I am reading lots on how to work with this.
soft hug to everyone. Look for spoons tomorrow.
FTPD
C
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Glorious day
What a day. I got to watch history in the making. Watching President Obama get sworn in was amazing. Even if the Chief Justice messed it up a little. I loved Mrs. Obama's dress for the swearing in. The color seemed to scream SPRING. And to me spring brings hope renewed. Ant that is where we are at today. Today we are at a wonderful cross road where hope is renewed and it springs eternal in the hearts of people everywhere. I loved watching one of the daughters with her camera taking pictures of the crowd. This had to be an amazing day for them to.
I did feel sorry for the dignitaries in the stands. When I saw Mohammad Ali come in almost 2 hours before the ceremony started my thought was - I hope someone put hand toasties in his pockets. It had to be uncomfortable sitting in those folding chairs for so long. Who's brilliant idea was it to have this thing in January? I vote we move it to April.
I was glad I was watching the ceremonies from the comfort of my warm house. I had a much better view than the million people freezing their tush off and not being able to see anything.
I missed Beyonce tonight singing "At Last" while the first couple danced. I am sure I will catch a repeat. I am no fashion guru but I thought white tie went only with tails. I was vey surprised to see the President in a white tie and short coat this evening. But what do I know?
I do know that I wish Mr. Obama 4 years of Faith Trust and lots of pixie dust to get us back on track and show the world what America is really all about.
Stay warm my Kansas Friends. And send an umbrella, I am going to need it this week.
Cathy
I did feel sorry for the dignitaries in the stands. When I saw Mohammad Ali come in almost 2 hours before the ceremony started my thought was - I hope someone put hand toasties in his pockets. It had to be uncomfortable sitting in those folding chairs for so long. Who's brilliant idea was it to have this thing in January? I vote we move it to April.
I was glad I was watching the ceremonies from the comfort of my warm house. I had a much better view than the million people freezing their tush off and not being able to see anything.
I missed Beyonce tonight singing "At Last" while the first couple danced. I am sure I will catch a repeat. I am no fashion guru but I thought white tie went only with tails. I was vey surprised to see the President in a white tie and short coat this evening. But what do I know?
I do know that I wish Mr. Obama 4 years of Faith Trust and lots of pixie dust to get us back on track and show the world what America is really all about.
Stay warm my Kansas Friends. And send an umbrella, I am going to need it this week.
Cathy
Sunday, January 18, 2009
He is back in Kansas Toto
Well, Phil left today. It is funny. When he is here it is like he was never gone. The family dynamic switches back to include him and make him part of the nuclear family. But as soon as he is gone, we go back almost instantly to a family of 3. While there is a hole that he always leaves when he is not with us, it isn't like we don't have our roles. Not sure if I am making myself clear.
I had a friend tell me that by going back to that nuclear family, I was not allowing him to grow and find his own way. I disagree. To me, even tho he is on his own he still needs some guidance. Heck there are times I need guidance from my dad. I don't think parenting ever stops. It just grows and changes as the child grows and changes. My role is no longer disciplinarian, keeper of the car keys, checking to make sure he washes and brushes his teeth. I am more of a guider as he gets older. I talk more and listen more. I try to respect his opinion and his choices. He is at the age that I have become very dumb. He knows it all. He has is world opinion - from his limited world view. It will change as he grows. I hope.
I know I did something right. We were at the mall and Drew handed me a bag to carry. I took it. Phil took it from me and explained to Drew that men should always carry bags for women because it is polite. Where did that come from?
He is back in Topeka. Mike and Brooke picked him up this evening. He wsa going directly to Lisa's to see Kennedy. That is Meghan's daughter. Meghan is Phil's cousin who is 4 months younger than him. Trent's sister. Someday I need to figure out how to put a family tree on here. LOL. Phil loves Kennedy - Kenny for short. she is almost 3. WOW that is hard to believe. She adores Phil. They have a very special relationship. Then he was headed to the fraternity. He had a meeting with a certain girl.
I am still knitting away. I have taken a break from the blue sweater. I don't understand the next section of instructions so I need to pop into the yarn shop this week for clarification. I have been working on the sleeve of the gray sweater. Today it looked more lavender. I really need something brainless tonight so i think I will work on my wrap for a while. It has been neglected lately. I am hoping that the pattern for the Bravo bag gets here this week. I am DYING to work on it.
Here is to massive Faith with the inaguration of a new President this week. May God protect him and provide him the wisdom to lead us to a better country and world.
C
I had a friend tell me that by going back to that nuclear family, I was not allowing him to grow and find his own way. I disagree. To me, even tho he is on his own he still needs some guidance. Heck there are times I need guidance from my dad. I don't think parenting ever stops. It just grows and changes as the child grows and changes. My role is no longer disciplinarian, keeper of the car keys, checking to make sure he washes and brushes his teeth. I am more of a guider as he gets older. I talk more and listen more. I try to respect his opinion and his choices. He is at the age that I have become very dumb. He knows it all. He has is world opinion - from his limited world view. It will change as he grows. I hope.
I know I did something right. We were at the mall and Drew handed me a bag to carry. I took it. Phil took it from me and explained to Drew that men should always carry bags for women because it is polite. Where did that come from?
He is back in Topeka. Mike and Brooke picked him up this evening. He wsa going directly to Lisa's to see Kennedy. That is Meghan's daughter. Meghan is Phil's cousin who is 4 months younger than him. Trent's sister. Someday I need to figure out how to put a family tree on here. LOL. Phil loves Kennedy - Kenny for short. she is almost 3. WOW that is hard to believe. She adores Phil. They have a very special relationship. Then he was headed to the fraternity. He had a meeting with a certain girl.
I am still knitting away. I have taken a break from the blue sweater. I don't understand the next section of instructions so I need to pop into the yarn shop this week for clarification. I have been working on the sleeve of the gray sweater. Today it looked more lavender. I really need something brainless tonight so i think I will work on my wrap for a while. It has been neglected lately. I am hoping that the pattern for the Bravo bag gets here this week. I am DYING to work on it.
Here is to massive Faith with the inaguration of a new President this week. May God protect him and provide him the wisdom to lead us to a better country and world.
C
Saturday, January 17, 2009
updates
First I know I am boring everyone with my knitting updates. But sorry. for any crafty people out there - esp knitters there is a new website to check out. If you WOOT , this is the knitters version. It is called Dizzy Sheep It is brand new, been around since Novemberish. I just ordered a couple "bags o knit" from there. I will let you know what is in it.
Phil leaves tomorrow. Mixed emotions on that. It has been a good visit but he is anxious to get back and that is adding a little tension. You see, there is this girl, and she is looking for her Superman, and Phil thinks he can be her Superman since she is counting down the days until he gets back. Enough said.
Drew had the last of this series of tests. He had an ambulatroy EEG for the past 24 hours. The tech who removed the wires this morning told me that Drew's neurologist was in teh hosptial waiting for it to be downloaded because he wanted to see it. WE don't have an appt until mid March for follow up. The tech did tell me he would relay that to Dr. Chez because that seemed like a long time to wait. I know the Fragile X came back normal. I don't know anything about the Chromosomal studies. The spine xray didn't show anything except a buldging disk. Nto sure what the Brain MRI showed. The thyroid, and celiac are normal. Hopefully we will here something soon. That way we can start something.
I am knitting like mad. My fibro is acting up. But what is new about that. I saw my GP last week and didn't like who the Rheumotologist sent me to so she has a new Rheumotologist to send me to. They will be upping my Lyrica again this week.
Scott is back at it. Even with all that time off for his illness he was in the top 10 billers for the year for the company. - before the surgery and recup he was in the top 3. I keep telling him he is a work a holic. There are some changes in the company coming down the pike. We are just waiting to see what it means for Scott. We don't anticipate another move. They would have to take me kicking and screaming. So we just sit and wait for the announcements right now...
That is about it
C
Phil leaves tomorrow. Mixed emotions on that. It has been a good visit but he is anxious to get back and that is adding a little tension. You see, there is this girl, and she is looking for her Superman, and Phil thinks he can be her Superman since she is counting down the days until he gets back. Enough said.
Drew had the last of this series of tests. He had an ambulatroy EEG for the past 24 hours. The tech who removed the wires this morning told me that Drew's neurologist was in teh hosptial waiting for it to be downloaded because he wanted to see it. WE don't have an appt until mid March for follow up. The tech did tell me he would relay that to Dr. Chez because that seemed like a long time to wait. I know the Fragile X came back normal. I don't know anything about the Chromosomal studies. The spine xray didn't show anything except a buldging disk. Nto sure what the Brain MRI showed. The thyroid, and celiac are normal. Hopefully we will here something soon. That way we can start something.
I am knitting like mad. My fibro is acting up. But what is new about that. I saw my GP last week and didn't like who the Rheumotologist sent me to so she has a new Rheumotologist to send me to. They will be upping my Lyrica again this week.
Scott is back at it. Even with all that time off for his illness he was in the top 10 billers for the year for the company. - before the surgery and recup he was in the top 3. I keep telling him he is a work a holic. There are some changes in the company coming down the pike. We are just waiting to see what it means for Scott. We don't anticipate another move. They would have to take me kicking and screaming. So we just sit and wait for the announcements right now...
That is about it
C
Friday, January 16, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
projects
So how many is too many knitting projects at a time. I have 4 going right now. I have 2 sweaters (pictures posted). I have a wrap/shawl. I have a labyrinth hexagon carpet bag. I need to get pictures of the others so you can see the progress.I really need to get the carpet bag done so that when my pattern for the bravo bag gets here I can get it started. I have many people (non knitters) say that 4 is too many. Personally I like having many projects in different stages. When I get bored or frustrated with one I can let it hibernate and work on another one. Makes perfect sense to me. Guess you have to be a knitter to understand. Maybe crafters understand.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
It is official
I am old. I got my eyes examined yesterday. I was put in bifocals. I went with progressive lenses. Same thing happened to Scott. Some how the poem 'Come grow old with me' comes to mind. It isn't a horrible superscription but still it is the idea of it. The doc said I could have gone with one pair for distance and for close work but felt that progressives would be the best bet.
So I went on my mission to find that purse pattern. I went to the 'other' knit shop in town. It was awful. The owner was rude there was no yarn selection, and she didn't have the pattern. I asked if she could order it and she said yes that she would be seeing the designer at a conference this coming weekend and would see about it. But she it wasn't her ordering time and I would have to wait until she ordered again to get it. So I went to 'my' yarn shop. I showed the pattern to the girls and everyone fell in love with it. We pulled up the website and Anna had me pick about 10 patterns to order for the shop. THEN she told me once I got the bag knitted up she would have me teach the class on it. SO cool. There are several of this designers patterns that I am going to make. She has one that is called 'Saturday Morning' I am in love with it. There are several others but those are the ones I am starting with.
I need to get pictures of my projects and get them posted on here so you can see the progress.
Phil leaves in a week. It has been a really good visit. I am going to miss him. He is interested in this girl. Enough said. For now.
Wishing you Faith Trust and Pixie dust
C
So I went on my mission to find that purse pattern. I went to the 'other' knit shop in town. It was awful. The owner was rude there was no yarn selection, and she didn't have the pattern. I asked if she could order it and she said yes that she would be seeing the designer at a conference this coming weekend and would see about it. But she it wasn't her ordering time and I would have to wait until she ordered again to get it. So I went to 'my' yarn shop. I showed the pattern to the girls and everyone fell in love with it. We pulled up the website and Anna had me pick about 10 patterns to order for the shop. THEN she told me once I got the bag knitted up she would have me teach the class on it. SO cool. There are several of this designers patterns that I am going to make. She has one that is called 'Saturday Morning' I am in love with it. There are several others but those are the ones I am starting with.
I need to get pictures of my projects and get them posted on here so you can see the progress.
Phil leaves in a week. It has been a really good visit. I am going to miss him. He is interested in this girl. Enough said. For now.
Wishing you Faith Trust and Pixie dust
C
Friday, January 09, 2009
date night
No not with my husband - although that would be nice. I have a date night with my fave 6 year old. Phil and Scott are headed to the Sacramento Kings vs Miami Heat game tonight. So it is just the munchkin and I. Haven't quite figured out what it will entail but I can pretty much guarantee it will include McDonalds.
I am going pattern searching today. I found the cutest bag ijn a knitting magazine last night. It isn't at my normal yarn store but it is to be at one in Elk Grove. So Phil and I are on a mission this afternoon. Here is the link It actually uses belts as the handles. I am really excited to do this one. I have 2 sweaters I am working on as well as a shawl. I am also working on another handbag but I am letting it hibernate for a while. It is driving me crazy so I am stepping a way from it for a while. My sis has this crazy idea that I should only do one project at a time. Silly silly girl. the more projects the better.
off to our mission
I am going pattern searching today. I found the cutest bag ijn a knitting magazine last night. It isn't at my normal yarn store but it is to be at one in Elk Grove. So Phil and I are on a mission this afternoon. Here is the link It actually uses belts as the handles. I am really excited to do this one. I have 2 sweaters I am working on as well as a shawl. I am also working on another handbag but I am letting it hibernate for a while. It is driving me crazy so I am stepping a way from it for a while. My sis has this crazy idea that I should only do one project at a time. Silly silly girl. the more projects the better.
off to our mission
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
First let me say DAMN COLD!!!!! It is just starting. I have started zycam but I can already feel this crap moving to my chest. It sucks to go to bed feeling good and wake up feeling like crap
OK Pixie dust alert. I have said that we are going to WDW next Christmas come Hell or high water. I called this morning and got a discount of 1500.00 on our stay. We are staying at the Wilderness Lodge on the Conceirge level going in December 21 and coming home December 30. 9 nights all passes and meals and snacks included....less than 7500.00 down from 9693.00. Yes I know it looks like more than 1500.00 but I also shaved 2 days off the trip. Orginally we were leaving on Dec 19.
For those that don't know. When you sign up on line at Disney.com they will send you offers via mail and email for deals to visit. Everything from Free Dining to % off. I missed a piece of mail that offered me a deal and when I called to book this trip I asked if there was a PIN/CODE next to my name. Some people right now are getting 40% off their room. and that included Holiday season next year. The lady who helped me book the trip told that any time I see mail from Disney to check every page of the flyer because they "hide" the codes. You can also get on the mailing list by ordering the Disney travel DVD. So now I have a reason to blog. I can bore you with details and dilemmas with planning my trip.
Phil has not commited to going so at this point is is just the 3 of us.
I guess the most appropriate sign off....
When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, anything your heart desires will come to you.....
Faith trust and pixie dust.
C
OK Pixie dust alert. I have said that we are going to WDW next Christmas come Hell or high water. I called this morning and got a discount of 1500.00 on our stay. We are staying at the Wilderness Lodge on the Conceirge level going in December 21 and coming home December 30. 9 nights all passes and meals and snacks included....less than 7500.00 down from 9693.00. Yes I know it looks like more than 1500.00 but I also shaved 2 days off the trip. Orginally we were leaving on Dec 19.
For those that don't know. When you sign up on line at Disney.com they will send you offers via mail and email for deals to visit. Everything from Free Dining to % off. I missed a piece of mail that offered me a deal and when I called to book this trip I asked if there was a PIN/CODE next to my name. Some people right now are getting 40% off their room. and that included Holiday season next year. The lady who helped me book the trip told that any time I see mail from Disney to check every page of the flyer because they "hide" the codes. You can also get on the mailing list by ordering the Disney travel DVD. So now I have a reason to blog. I can bore you with details and dilemmas with planning my trip.
Phil has not commited to going so at this point is is just the 3 of us.
I guess the most appropriate sign off....
When you wish upon a star, makes no difference who you are, anything your heart desires will come to you.....
Faith trust and pixie dust.
C
Sunday, January 04, 2009
knitting
It isn't our mothers hobby any more. I remember when I was a child and my mom was knitting. you basically had only acrylic yarn or wool. There was no such thing as alpaca, cashmere, silk, bamboo, ribbon yarns. I doubt there were many stores solely devoted to yarn.
I found a shawl made by here many moons ago. I remember her knitting it when I was about 7 or 8.
today the knitter has so many choices in yarn, needles, patterns, it is an endless world of color and texture. There is something theraputeic about sitting down with a pair of needles and getting into this rhythm. It is almost hypnotizing at times.
the internet has added an even bigger dimension to knitting. There are doors open to more yarns that our mom's never imagined. Everyone shares patterns there are sites for free patterns for any level of knitter. There are conventions to learn new techniques and to get the newest yarn. I am currently trying to decide if I want to take a train 3 hours to Santa Clara for one of the biggest yarn conventions. If I don't go this year I am going next year.
I am currently waiting for my invitation to join 'Raverly" it is an online site for knitters. It is like all other boards - only huge over 250,000 members. I don't know much abuot it but once I get in there i will let you know what I think.
My first sweater is coming along well. I have started working on teh body. Only 20 some more inches to go. I think to day tho I am going to work on my carpet bag. it needs some devotion plus i need a day of working with larger needles. my hands don't always lke those little needles. give me size 10 and up and I am a happy camper.
I have let many hobbies go by the way side but knitting seems different.
so I am off to knit one purl one for the afternoon.
I found a shawl made by here many moons ago. I remember her knitting it when I was about 7 or 8.
today the knitter has so many choices in yarn, needles, patterns, it is an endless world of color and texture. There is something theraputeic about sitting down with a pair of needles and getting into this rhythm. It is almost hypnotizing at times.
the internet has added an even bigger dimension to knitting. There are doors open to more yarns that our mom's never imagined. Everyone shares patterns there are sites for free patterns for any level of knitter. There are conventions to learn new techniques and to get the newest yarn. I am currently trying to decide if I want to take a train 3 hours to Santa Clara for one of the biggest yarn conventions. If I don't go this year I am going next year.
I am currently waiting for my invitation to join 'Raverly" it is an online site for knitters. It is like all other boards - only huge over 250,000 members. I don't know much abuot it but once I get in there i will let you know what I think.
My first sweater is coming along well. I have started working on teh body. Only 20 some more inches to go. I think to day tho I am going to work on my carpet bag. it needs some devotion plus i need a day of working with larger needles. my hands don't always lke those little needles. give me size 10 and up and I am a happy camper.
I have let many hobbies go by the way side but knitting seems different.
so I am off to knit one purl one for the afternoon.
Thursday, January 01, 2009
I am hopeful
HAPPY 2009. Wonder what it will bring? I started a Lyrica today for my Fibro. I have great hope. It hasn't given me stomach problems like Neurotin did. Thank goodness. I don't think I could do that again. I did have a gallon of milk and a loaf of bread on stand by if needed.
I am hopeful this year we figure out how to treat Drew's develpmental delays. They aren't serious but unless we figure out what is going on it could be detrimetnal as he goes farther in school.
I am hopeful that Scott's next surgery is successful and it takes care of the bulk of the diverticulitis issues and we get rid of the ostomy.
I am hopeful that I can continue to improve my knitting skills and continue to step out side my comfort zone and knit some different items. I am working on my first sweater right now.
I am hopeful that Phil finds what he is looking for. It is hard to 19.
I am hopeful the economy improves and this country learns to live inside its means.
I am hopeful that the new president brings change and promise to this country that lacks direction.
I am hopeful that I continue to grow my Faith and trust in what I believe and have the conviction to stand up for those who say I am wrong.
I am hopeful.......
I am hopeful this year we figure out how to treat Drew's develpmental delays. They aren't serious but unless we figure out what is going on it could be detrimetnal as he goes farther in school.
I am hopeful that Scott's next surgery is successful and it takes care of the bulk of the diverticulitis issues and we get rid of the ostomy.
I am hopeful that I can continue to improve my knitting skills and continue to step out side my comfort zone and knit some different items. I am working on my first sweater right now.
I am hopeful that Phil finds what he is looking for. It is hard to 19.
I am hopeful the economy improves and this country learns to live inside its means.
I am hopeful that the new president brings change and promise to this country that lacks direction.
I am hopeful that I continue to grow my Faith and trust in what I believe and have the conviction to stand up for those who say I am wrong.
I am hopeful.......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)