Secondly, I realized how hard the last 3 years have been on me. We moved to ABQ, Phil was in a horrific wreck and had to have surgery. Then Scott had a perforated colon and 2 pulmonary embolisms. He survived 2 surgeries and recovered. Then as he was getting ready for his first bike race after that event he was hit by a car and had a broken collar bone. That didn't heal right and requires surgery 6 months later.
For the last 3 years I have focused on everyone but me. That is the way I am but now I am tired, hollow, empty, lonely, and just plain exhausted. I broke last night. I cried for 3 hours. It all just came out. I cried for all that had changed - as far back as my mom being sick, losing her and my grandparents, the changes in my dad, the relationship with my sister the list goes on. It was a mouring of sorts.
I have spent today pretty much on my bed doing home work, sleeping, thinking and just being by myself.
I started looking at random blogs and saw that many people were taking the month of November to blog daily about what they are thankful for. It got me to change my way of thinking. I should not be having a pity party so I resolve for the next month I will do just that. Everyday talk about something I am thankful for. God has blessed our family in so many ways. My husband is still alive, my son is about to graduate from college, my younger son can be managed with medication and lots of teaching by those more qualified than me.
A friend whose blog I follow annonomously had this song on her blog today. And I think it is a good place for me to start.