Thursday, March 19, 2009

I screwed up.

I blew it as a mom today. I spoke my mind and wasn't supportive. Phil had been a holding pattern about the Navy. He was waiting for waivers for medical exemptions. I never dreamed he would get them. Today as we were getting ready for the day. He came down plopped in a chair and said "I got the waivers" I don't know if it was how he said it, the timing (the day before he leaves) or what but I said all the wrong things.

Now he thinks I don't support him. He is now trying to figure how to make me happy. As a mom I have so many mixed emotions. I want him happy. I truly do. BUt as a mom I don't want him in harms way. AS a mom all I want to do is keep him in a coccoon for ever. I know that is not possible.

He has shown me that he wants this more than anything. I am proud of his decision. But it hit me that tonight might be my last night with him for a long long time. Inside I am screaming I am proud of you but I am also crying.

A friend whose son is in the NAvy said it was Ok to cry. Good. I seem to be good at that. Not good at saying the right thing, however. My only wish is that he would wait until he got out of college to go in. It is so much better to go in as an Officer. But this is the path he chooses and as such I go as cheerleader, friend, devil's advocate but most importantly mom.

GO FOR IT PHIL. I will always have your back.


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