What a day!!!!

boy am I tired. I was up at 5:30. No, not to help Santa unload presents. I couldn't sleep. I was excited. Excited to see the wonder and mystery in Drew's eyes when he came down the staircase to the land of conspicuous consumptation that awaited the family. I took the time before he woke up to light the tree, have several cups of coffee (the first alone - the rest with my mother in law).

With the first one I thought of Christmas past. I remembered the wonderment that Drew would feel when he came down stairs. I remembered the meals my mom fixed and my whole family came to join in. It is where I learned what being a "Wolff" was all about.

At this point my MIL joined me. She knew this Christmas was hard. I was away from my dad and sister and missing my mom something terriable. i just ached for her this year. ML started talking to me about what it was like growing up in my family. I told her about the big family get toghethers at the Cork Club with my parents, grand parents, Great Aunts, their husbands and families. I told her about the thanksgivings up at my cousin Kay's farm. It is at these events I think I really learned about family. There was a comraderie that I will never forget. It was the sharing of meals,(stealing sips of grandma's fruity alcholic drinks) listening to the older generations talk of people I never met but somehow they made me feel connected to had come before me.

ML and I then talked about Gib and my mom. Gib was ML's husband. He passed away before Scott and I were married. We talked about what role they would have had in Drew's life. We then started talking about Drew the hand God had in bringing him to us. Knowing that Drew was a special boy who would need lots of love, understanding, and patience that his birthmother would never be able to give him. I find it ironic that his given name was Gabriel and his birhtmother's name was Angel. We talked about how Drew's birth and what some would call coincidence (I call God) brought him to us.

We then talked about the day Phil would become a father and Scott and I grandparents. boy that was an interesting talk. We talked about what kind of a grandfather Scott would be. You can only imagine what we said. We talked about how Phil will be a great father raising his children with the love and understanding that we raised Phil with. I wondered out loud if I would be able to instill in them the sense of family that was passed on to me from future generations. I hope so. This part of the conversation reminded me of a toast my mom or dad used to say on Christmas Eve as we all raised our glass.

"To those who came before, those present today, and those yet to come.

I hope everyone had a magical and memorable holiday with the ones you love.

Here is wishing you faith, hope and pixie dust

Cathy

This is for the Birds

Husbands and kids have the holidays easy. We cook, clean, shop, wrap, in addition to our normal stuff. MY MIL and son are due in an hour from Kansas. So I am headed to pick them up at the train station. My washer broke last week and they were to be here at 1 today to fix it. Still not here. Scott had to come home to work from here to wait for the repair man so I can go get the relatives.

I love Christmas. My mom instilled in me a deep sense of family during the holidays. I have priced it and decided next year - we are going to Disney World and any of our family can join us. If they don't want to that is fine. But I will be sitting on Santa Mickey's lap this time next year.

update

I have been told it has been WAY to long since I updated. So here ya go

Phil was here for Thanksgiving. I was happy to have him here and happy to see h im go. WE had a great time just the 4 of us. It was nice to have some family time.

I am currently in Finals week. I should walk away with an A+ 2 B's and a C. Not bad for 40 years old. I am taking 18 hours next semester.

Drew is anxious for Christmas to get here.

Phil and Mary Lou get here Tuesday December 18. ML leaves December 26 and I don't know when Phil will be leaving. Sometime in January.

scott was accepted to UNM's PhD program. I will be married to a doctor in about 2 years.

Phil got his first speeding ticket a couple weeks ago in a school zone. the ironic part? It was a school zone my mom fought for when my sis was in school and had to cross Burlingame Road.

My Dad and Andrea are due in January for about 5 days. Carolyn is coming the end of Feburary. The Walkers are coming for Spring Break. The B&B is booking fast.

Oh yea and Drew and verbally spell his name.

Anderson Family Law part duex

I know I have been keeping everyone amused by the happenings at the old house in Kansas we are trying to sell. Are you ready for the latest?Let me back track a little. Drew's EEG last week was perfect. According to the doc we can't rule in or out seizure disorder. Just have to wait to see what happens.So thursday I was driving Drew to school and was in stop and go traffic. The cars in front of me started going I started going. the cars in front of me stopped - I kept going. I caused a 3 car pile up in rush hour traffic. One second I was going the next second - there was steam coming from the front of my car. There was an off duty cop who pulled up and took control. He kept asking if I needed Rescue because i was "emotional" - hysterical . ( my insurance agent calls it passionate) I couldnt get my brain to engage. I didn't seem to realize that everything on the seat had hit the floor. I finally pulled it together and called Scott. He got there in no time. He took Drew to school while I dealt with the police. I also called my friend Faith and she called a tow truck and told me where to have the car towed. Scott asked Drew if he was all right Drew said "yes I am fine, but I was scared". Scott asked what scared him His reply - "Mommy screaming". So that was thursday. I spent the day getting a rental and dealing with that. I only broke my pinky.

Fast forward to today. We gave some of the appliances from the old house to my dear friend Kim. Phil met Kim over there to help move them. Kim calls and says "we had to call the police" That freaked me out. Come to find out some vagrants had been sleeping in our backyard. They had been huffing spray paint. Kim and Phil found 20-30 zip loc bags full of dry gold and silver paint, blankets, pillows, underwear. Phil also discovered that someone had broken the lock on the storage shed and took some really odd things - a fish tank, some of drews old toys really bizarre stuff. They even took the trash can that had been in the side yard.The lawn mower and grill were still there. No one had been in the house. The police told Phil and Kim that they had broken up a homeless ring that was sleeping in the woods behind a nearby grocery store and it appeared they had moved to our house!!! The police are now patrolling and stopping twice a shift to check on things. Only one more chapter in how not to move across country and leave a house empty.

more balloons

shapes

this past week has been the 36th Annual Balloon Fiesta. It was amazing. the hardest part is choosing what pics to post. so for the next couple days I am just going to post pics.

balloon pics

Here are a few pictures from our balloon chase on Saturday. We are not scheduled to be back at Balloon Fiesta Park until either Wed night or Thursday AM. I will keep the pictures updated. Allan and Peg Hazlett are due tomorrow night or Wed AM. I am very excited to see them. They are Drew's Godparents and my second set of parents.

Fun Morning

We had a fun morning. We woke up and turned on the TV. The local media was carrying the opening day of the 36th annual Balloon fiesta. over 800 balloons from 22 countries are here. On the spur of the moment we jumped in the car and headed toward Rio Rancho. We did not go to the park but instead drove thru Corralles and up into Rio Rancho. I snapped pictures while scott drove. We saw a balloon land in the middle of the road (the wind blew it there when it tried to land in a field) We were on the search for the Darth Vader balloon - it was shown on TV as inflated and ready to go up. But we never saw it. I think that the winds picked up at the last second and they decided not to fly it. I will post pictures later this weekend.

On another note. Phil got 2 tickets to 2 seperate Garth Brooks Concerts. He is going to sell them. My sister actually got 4 tickets to one show and she is selling 2 to Phil at cost. He is a pretty popular guy around Washburn right now. Hope he doesn't fall asleep like the last time he saw Garth Brooks.

you have heard of Murphy's law?

Well we have decided to rename it Anderson's law. Our relator called today to tell us she had held an open house over the weekend. She said it was all right but there was no electricity!!!!!
I couldn't figure it out. I had been paying the bill. so I got online and looked at the electric company website. It showed our FINAL BILL. WHAT THE HECK!?!?!!? So I called the electric company. AFter being on hold for 30 minutes I got to a live person. the lady couldn't figure it out either. So she put me on hold to investigate. Are you ready for this?

SOME ONE STOLE OUR METER!!!!!!!

Yes you read that right - someone stole our electric meter. Not sure how or when but someone did. I was shocked. All I could do was call my friend Kim and laugh. What else could I do? It will take 3-5 days for a new meter to be installed.

Another First

Don't laugh.This is the first time in my life this has happened. I know it won't be the last. It is just the beginning.

I am feeling a momentary panic. I don't know where Phil is. This weekend is Brotherhood weekend for the Frat. I talked to him yesterday afternoon before the activities started. I knew I would not talk to him until at least tonight. Brotherhood weekend is for bonding and team building with in theFrat. The frat bans alcohol for the weekend for the older guys so I know he isn't drinking. But for the first time in my life I honestly have no clue what he is doing. It is the longest I have gone with out talking to him since we left Kansas.

he has gone on trips and I havne't know his exact location but I have known the general area and what he was doing.

I know he is fine. I checked his bank account and his CC was used at CiCi's pizza today. It is just a strange feeling letting go.

Hit home - my sister will never understand.

This came to me today and really struck a chord...This is what my sister will never understand.

.**************************************************Perspective: The Invisible WomanBy Nicole JohnsonIt started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, "Who is that with you, young fella?""Nobody," he shrugged."Nobody?" The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, "Oh my goodness, nobody?"

I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family - like "Turn the TV down, please" - and nothing would happen.Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, "Would someone turn the TV down?" Nothing.

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, "I'm ready to go when you are."He just kept right on talking.That's when I started to put all the pieces together.

I don't think he can see me. I don't think anyone can see me. I'm invisible.It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, "Can't you see I'm on the phone?"Obviously not! No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this? Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?" I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?" I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude -but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going she's going she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this."

It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: "To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:* No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.*

These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.* They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.* The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it." And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

college observations

I have been back in college for a week and a half. There have been many intersting observations. These are just the four that come to mind tonight.

1. If kids were allowed to take notes on their cell phone they would have better notes. That is all I see kids do. Text during class, between class. It is continual. I hope they are on unlimted text plans because otherwise it would be a horrid bill.

2. Kids do wear their pajamas to class. Today I saw a kid - at least 20 - wearing a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle shirt and matching pajama bottoms to class (at 2 in the afternoon) I guess I should be grateful that he didn't have on the Raphel Slippers.

3. Taking notes has changed. My teachers use power point in the classroom. So before everyclass I am required to go to VISTA (UNM version of Blackboard) and print off the presentation. The teachers leave blanks on my version. Then during class I just fill in the blanks. I am not sure if rention is better but boy it sure is easier. We will see how well this works after my first tests.

4. This goes to any mom who happens to be going back to school at Washburn this sememester. If you hear my son talk the way I hear the boys at UNM talk - you have my permission to smack him up side the head and tell him "Your mother could be listening" I am appalled at the language the kids (esp. boys use) I ahve heard every cuss word known to man since I have started back to school and kids don't seem to care who is listening to them. It is horrid. I know they are away from home but if their mom's could hear them they would get grounded or their mouth washed out with soap. Please kids - you never know who could be sitting near you listening to your conversation. The more you talk like that with your friends the more difficult it will be to break the habit when you are in the work place. And there is nothing appealing about how many cuss words you can say in a sentence. If you can't say it in front of your mother then there is no need to say it .

New Mexico Birthday parties

Drew has been invited to 2 birhtday parties this weekend. One for a kid whose mom works with Scott. the other for a little boy who is in Drew's play group.

Today was the party for J - The one whose mom works with Scott. The little boy was turing 4. It was held at a local pizza place - similar to Chuck E Cheese. Scott had told me that parties for mexican families were much different than what I would be used to. He wasn't kidding!!!!
The table was set up for 15 kids plus 10 adults. Then the mom had gone to 4 booths and put reserved signs on them for adults. Familie and friends started to arrive. Oh my goodness. There were grand parents, aunt, uncles, cousins, neices, nephews, second cousins twice removed. You name it they were there. I think there were only 3 kids who were not related to J. Every person was carrying a gift bag for J. I have seen fewer presents at weddings. Paris hilton would be jealous. There were not enough chair/booths for all the people. The kids were given tokens and off they went. Then the pizza's started to arrive. I lost count at 8. But I know there were more. I at first thought it was only J's party that was like this then I looked around the restaurant. There 6-8 other parties going on and they are all the same. Moutains of pizza and cake and more gifts than any child could think of on Christmas morning let alone a birthday party.

scott said most birthday's for local families are like this. Holidays and Birthdays are big events. When a girl turns 15 there is a special party (like a Bat Mitzvah). Families plan for this party and it is carried out similar to a wedding.

Extended Family is big down here. almost like mini villiages raising children. It was interesting to watch. scott says this was small compared to some he has attended when he was here before. I can't imagine hosting a party like that - i finally have a house big enough for it but the expense and the mess just aren't worth it. While I won't be hosting a party for 40+ forDrew's 6th birthday he knows he is loved in New Mexico or Kansas or where ever his family may be.

I think it is happening

UHOH I think it is happening - against my best efforts. In the last week I have noticed when I drive I actually know where I am going. I don't have to get out my map. If someone gives me cross streets I am pretty confident I can get there.I just always remember the mountains are to the East. Iknow that the city was built on a grid and all major instersections are one mile apart. We are having dinner with Tom, Faith and Clara tonight and when Faith told me where the pizza place was I knew exactly where it was. (applause please)

Last night there was a grass fire behind the volcanos by where we live. I looked at Scott and said " that is the other side of the Mesa - so we are fine." He kind of smirked.

I have learned this is the land of manana(tomorrow) which for those who are transplants(most of the caucasian population) it is irritating. Expecting a repair man then maybeyou will see them between 8-4 next thursday but most definelty by the following friday unless it is deemed a fishing day then who knows when you will see them.

Want to see balloons in the AM? Must be under 70 degrees or it is too hot and they can't go up. Looking for a missing body - check the Rio Grande River. Want good Pizza - Dion's or Marios. good mexican? Hot Talmales in Rio Ranco. Chinese/Thai/vietnemse? Golden Banana has great Pad Thai. Best cinnamon rolls and home made tortillas? Definetly the Frontier on Route 66 across from the University. Have Blue Cross Insurance - then you can't use Presbiterian hospital. Couldn't come to a contract agreement. The just ousted the Mayor of Rio Rancho for misapporpriation of funds. The Governer has been gone 3 out of 4 days campaining for president.

Boy, you would think I was becoming at home in albuquerque. Who knew?
But I will always miss Kansas

Drew's thoughts on school

Drew has been in Pre K for a week now. He goes from 8:30-3:30 everyday. He has some very serious thoughts on going to school...

I picked him up from his first day and was chit chatting away as I was driving home. I was asking all the typical mommy questions. Finally he says "mommy will you please be quiet I need to rest. Going to school is hard work" He promptly fell asleep for the last 10 minutes of the ride home and slept for 45 minutes once we got to the house.

Last Friday was a rough day for him. he thought this school was going to be like the Art center and be more like Montesorri type class. It is far from that. He has lesson time, play time, nap time. It is very sturctured. He had a few melt down episodes during the day that caused him to lose his movie privledges for the evening when I heard about them. He also lost going to his fave pizza place to celebrate the first week of school.

Since then he has been fine - now that he understands what is expected of him.
So today I pick him up and we are driving home. He asks to go to McDonalds as a treat for being good at school today. I said no but if he was good tomorrow we would go to Dion's for pizza as a reward for a good week and no bad reports. He asked me if he had to go to school again tomorrow and I said "yes you do". He looked at me and in the most increduolus voice asked "when will this end?"

Not for a long time my little prince, not for a long long time.

Faith Trust and Pixie dust
C

New Era

Well Drew starts school today. Actually it is pre - k but it is all day. He should be in kindergarten but emotionally he is not ready. His teachers in Lawrence last year advised one more year of Preschool to get him ready.

We have a concern tho - not about the school. We like the school. But when we went for meet the teacher the other night Drew had a major allergic reaction to something in the room. We think it was the hay from the bunny cages. His eyes swelled and his nose started running something horrid. The only other time I saw him have an allergic reaction like this was when he was helping Carolyn feed the horses in the barn.

The doc added a second allergy medicine to see if that helped. I will be warning the teachers to call me if there is a problem.

Drew is so excited about school that I don't want there to be a problem for his sake. He packed his lunch lsat night but told me to hold off on the sandwich until this AM. Was worried it would be "icky" if I made it too soon.

This is an emotional day for Scott. I am a little sad but I am also ready to go back to school myself. As long as Drew doesn't have any major reactions to the bunny hay.

My sister

Right after Phil's wreck I was dealing with the insurance garbage that has to be dealt with. I made the mistake of commenting to my sister that the insurance people were driving me crazy. She asked me why I wasn't making Phil deal with it. I tried to explain that it was my car and that I was the only one who could take care of it. She then started accusing me of always stealing Phil's life lessons. She said he was 18 and needed to deal with things himself. I said yes he is 18 but like all of us he still needs mom and dad. She told me I had a mental problem because I would not let go of Phil. She started screeeching at me about how I sucked as a parent. She then said "no you just suck in general". I have not talked to her since.

She and her husband CHOSE not to have kids. I think that if you make that decision that is fine but that is also the day you CHOOSE to not give advice/critisim to those of us that do have kids. Until you walk a few thousand miles in the shoes of a parent you have nothing to say on that subject.

This is my SISTER who said these things to me. Would you say something like that to a stranger? Why in the world would you say something like that to a family member? While I know what she said is in no way true (I have raised one awesome son and have another in the wings) it totally pissed me off.

She has not apologized (she thinks she is right) so she won't. She has done things like this before and every time I forgive her. But this time it is different. She critizied something that I take very seriously - parenting. I decided that like a dog I can only be kicked so many times. And I am done. She did send me a message via Myspace last night (like there was nothing wrong and her in her mind I am sure there isn't) to update my page - but she needed my password. Somehow i don't think she has re-earned my trust to give this up to her. It will take a long time to earn my trust or my respect again.

Faith Trust Pixie dust
C

Political correctness

Political correctness is a doctrine fostered by a delusional, illogical minority, and rabidly promoted by an unscrupulous mainstream media, which holds forth the proposition that it is entirely possible to pick up a turd by the clean end."

another day.

Phil left today. Off to Kansas to go to school. He will do well. I hope. He left me a thank you note that I found when I was cleaning his room. It was nice. Made me cry. He is to come for Thanksgiving.

Now time to get Drew thru school. He starts PRE K in 2 weeks. I go back to school August 20. Drew is looking forward to school. He will be going all day. I am not sure what I am going to do with myself. STudy a lot. But I realized that for 2 days Drew will be inschool and I won't be. I have no idea what I will do. I have no friends so I will be alone for all day. The house is staying pretty clean and ML will have just left so it will be clean. I guess I will stay home, knit, watch TV and just be alone with me for a change. In Kansas I craved alone time but here it feels weird. I guess because in Kansas I always had something to do or soem place to be that alone time was scarse. Here I have so much alone time I get sick of it.

Off to order dinner for Scott and Drew. I don't feel well so I am gonig to bed when Scott gets home.

Faith trust pixie dust
C

Pictures of the car and other stuff.

Here are pics from the wreck. Phil is lucky to be walking. We called the doc back in Lawrence last night. Phil is developing some unusual indentations in his leg. She had us give him a massive dose of asprin last night and if it is not better we are to take him to the ER this AM. She is wondering if a blood clot is developing.

We went on one last back to school shopping trip yesterday before all this medical stuff happened. His suit got trashed in the wreck so he needed a new one for the fraternity. He also needed jeans, shirts and a new suitcase (thanks TSA). I told him this was the last mother/son shopping trip of his school career. It is time for the tradition to be passed on to Drew, who starts kindergarten next year.

I have gotten enrolled at UNM. I have opted to take the needed/dreaded math classes at the local community college right down the street. cheaper and should not be as intense. I am not a big fan of UNM campus but at least I will be able to complete my degree and get my Master's in the next 4 years.

I have finally found a way to get rid of GWB. My dad sent me this and maybe if we all do it our outlook will be better.

. Open a new folder on your computer.

2. Name it "George W Bush"

3. Send it to the trash.

4. Empty the trash.

5. Your PC will ask you, "Do you really want to get rid of"George W. Bush?"

6. Firmly Click "Yes."

7. Feel better!

PS: Tomorrow we'll do Dick Cheney...

Faith,trust Pixie dust

C

Lucky to be alive

Phil was in a massive car wreck last week. Someone broadsided him while Phil was going thru an intersection. I have never felt so helpless. I was in NM and he was hurt and scared in Topeka. Luckily plenty of friends and family came to his aide. The car is totalled and he has some really deep muscle damage to his calf. I need to get him back to a doc for a follow up but he being 18 knows best. He doesn't need a doc according to him. HUMPH. They allowed him to travel for his trip here the day after the accident. So at least I can see he is"OK". he is walking and talking but the accident really scared him (and me)

we are settling in. It is still really strange here. I have been accepted to UNM so I will still go back to college afterall this fall. I think I am going to do Audiology or speech pathology. UNM doesn't have social work and this really seems to be itneresting. I am going to UNM today to take some paperwork and try and meet with an advisor. Hopefully I cna get enrolled today so i can get my books ordered and get my financial aid straitened away. I have to see what classes I ahve credit for so I can figure out what I still need to take. hopefully phil wont' give me much trouble when I wake him up shortly. But that seems to be his mantra for this visit. If mom isn't doing for me it isn't worth my time and give her crap until she does.
Iwon't even go into the coffee and cupcake incident. I just hope he treats his girlfriends better than he does his mom.

Happy Independence Day

It is July 4th. Back home we would be spending the evening at Janines house with our friends. But this year it is just the 3 of us. Seems very strange not to have anyplans. I will probably go grab a couple steaks or something and throw them on the grill. We have a great view of the city so we will probably just sit outside and watch the show from the back yard. Tomorrow Drew will get to see his friend Clara and on Friday Phil comes. Phil has been experiencing his own independence. He is living with his aunt and her family. He says he is having a good time but Lisa says he is having adjustment problems. I think it will be better when he gets into his routine for school but now all he tells people is "this sucks"

He misses his friends in Lawrence but he kind of feels like they are treating him out of site out of mind. He has discovered he was usually the one who organized events and called everyone on the weekends and now that he is gone if somethign is organized he doesn't get called.

Phil and I are having the most adjustment problems. Scott seems to have found a rythmn at work and Drew is just going with the flow.

The other day after a particularly bad experience at the MVD(DMV to us normal people) I got lost and was crying on the phone to a friend that I wanted to go home (back to Lawrnece). from teh back seat I hear "we live in albuquerque now mom. Deal with it" Out of the mouth of babes? I am dealing with it. Ah to be five again and have everything right with the world as long as your parents and your monkey are around.

Faith Trust and Pixie Dust
C

Not in Kansas anymore

Well things got a little crazy. Phil graduated May 25. We got home from his party and were resting before the next party. Scott came out of his office and told me we had to be in Albuquerque by June 25. EXACTLY one month. I wanted to know who was smoking something. Well I did it. With help from friends on both ends we got here. Scott started at the new office a couple days ago. We are in the new house praying the old one sells FAST. It was hard to leave Phil behind. I don't think I have cried that hard in a long, long time. He is coming next week for a 3 week stay. I can't wait. He is having a hard time adjusting to us being gone as well. I think he will do better once school starts and he can get into a routine.

more later
Faith trust and pixie dust
C

RIP Steven

I was laying in bed a little while ago feeling sorry for my self. (See tomorrows post for the big news). Scott and I are under a ton of stress right now. I made sure his mom had a wonderful Mother's day. We took her to brunch. I bought her a rose bush and cards from all of us. The only one who did anything for mother's day for me was aaron. I don't feel sorry for my self any more.

At the beginning of the school year a good friends told us he had melenoma and was undergoing treatment. In October, he told us it had metasized to his spine and liver. He was undergoing aggressive treatment. He was hopeful. In December, he told us the treatment wasn't working so they were changing courses. In February, he told us it had spread to his brain and liver. I hadn't seen him since.

Carolyn never calls me on the weekends. When the phone rang tonight and I saw it was her I thought it strange. She told me Steven had died today. Suddenly my day didn't seem so horrible. I thought about AnneMarie, Shawn and Karel. I prayed for them. I cried for them.

Steven was one of the gentlest people I knew. He was always quick with a warm smile and a friendly hello. He could talk about the weather or space aeronautics. He never had a mean word to say about anyone or anything. Even when his diagnosis was getting worse he always remained positive. Never letting his friends know how bad it really was getting. Steven will be missed. His passing has left a HUGE hole in the universe.

Rest in Peace Steven. May you hurt no more. The world was a brighter place because you were in it.

craziness and WOWs

It has been insane this week. We found out Wed. that we are being transferred to Albuqurque NM. Scott got his undergrad there and we both love it there so that is a good thing. The bad thing? Leaving our freinds, family, church, EVERYTHING we have known for 10 years behind. I was explaining to Drew he would make new friends - and at 4 he knew it "wouldn't be the same" My head is spinning. A relator is coming today. We have movers coming monday to give an estimate. I think we are looking at a 3 month time frame. IF we sell the house sooner. If not Scott will go ahead and Drew and I will stay until the house sells. I have applied to UNM to continue school. I think I have found a school for Drew. We gave Phil the option of coming. WE told him we would figure out how to pay out of state tuition for a year if he wanted to come. He said no. He felt God had a plan for him here. He has his Frat house, school, friends etc. That is hardest part of this. He chose to stay close to home and now his family is moving. I think he has been too busy with the last weeks of school and the musical to relaize what is happening.

Yes, 2 weeks and Phil will graduate. This weekend is the school musical. Phil plays Horton the Elephant in Seussical. All I can say is WOWOWOWOWOW I am one proud mom. He was amazing last night. He brought the house down. I was "busting" my buttons. He had 3 solo songs and I always knew he could sing but this was amazing. Hard to believe this is my little guy.

Faith trust and pixie dust
C

Looks like we made it.....

Today is Phil's 18th birthday. What an amazing ride we have had. I never dreamed that we would be where we are.

Phil was born by c-section after way too many hours of hard labor. He was amazing - but what new baby isn't. I left his biological dad when Phil was not quite 2. We moved to florida where my parents were living. After several false starts I got my act together and went to school and got a degree as a respiratory therapist. Once we moved back to the midwest our lives had some very big highs and soem very low lows. Highlights that I feel are important and some I know he would feel are important.

I met Scott (phil was 7), my mom got sick, my ex got remarried to a woman who hated Phil, I married Scott, Scott adopted Phil(Phil was 10), my grandfather died (Phil's best friend Phil was 12)) Phil started Seabury, we adopted Drew (Phil was 13),Phil is diagnosed with a heart condition, my mom got a lung transplant(Phil was 14), my mom died(Phil was 15), Phil got a car, Phil went to South Korea, Phil had his first serious girlfriend (Phil was 16) my dad got remarried(Phil was 17), Phil got a tattoo, First girlfriend broke up with Phil, Phil decides to go to Washburn, Phil joins a Frat, Phil turns 18. That brings us to today.

thru it all I have watched my little boy grow in to an amazing young man. He is very concious of others and is wise beyond his years. He can fight to save a homeless shelter one minute and then be ready to play football. he can build a tent and watch Bambi with him and then organize a group activity for 10 of his friends on a moments notice. He has a deep faith and belief in God that seems rare in a person his age. He has gotten me thru some very low moments because of his un wavering faith.

there was a song Shania Twain sang - "You're still the one." Phil was about 9 when it came out. We were going thru a rough time wiht my ex and his wife who was threatening to take Phil from us. When it would come on the radio Phil would sing this to me but he changed the words

Looks like we made it Look how far we've come my mommy We mighta took the long way We know we'll get there someday. Witch said, "I bet they'll never make it" But just look at us holding on, We're still together, still going strong. We'll beat the odds together I'm glad we didn't listen Look at what we would be missin' .

I wouldn't have missed a minute of this ride with my son. It has beeen amazing. I can't wait to see what Phil does in the next stage of his life. I will be watching with great amazement at what he accomplishes.

Yes Phil it does look like we made it but always remember
I'll love you forever
I'll Like you for always
As long as I am living
(No matter how fuzzy your face)
My baby you'll be.

May you Always have
Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust
Love
Mom

Dont' know how...

I don't know how not to give. It is my greatest character flaw. I don't know how to say no. It is a problem. I love to make others happy. It makes me happy - or does it?

Nothing

I know some people try to post and make some sort of profound statement. Not me. I prefer to post about nothing. Just daily life. Kind of like Seinfeld. His was a show about nothing. Mine is a blog about nothing. Actually when I blog I find myself greatful for all of God's gifts. I realize how fragile life is when I sit and type. I know I will never solve the world's problems while I blog. But I don't want to. I want to tell stories about my life as a wife, mother, student, Christian, and friend. I know only of one person who reads my blog. That is OK (hi Anna) I know of people who write blogs who have many followers. They are the ones who seem to think they can solve the worlds problems. The only problem I want solved right now is why my cable on demand channels don't work.

Phil has been gone all weekend. He has been on his Sr. Trip to Orlando. I have heard from him several times and he seems to be having a great time. He is due home this afternoon.

Saturday we went to KC to do some shopping. I got 2 outfits for graduation, Scott got some new shirts. Drew was introduced to the world of Polo and thinks all his shirts need horses on them now. (drat that sale) He also got new shoes.

There is something amazing about my youngest son. At almost 5 he can remember details about past events that no one would think he would remember. Like when we were at Oak Park Mall. He had not been there since he was abou 2 1/2 or so. He looked at Scott and told him that they needed to find the store when he could make a bear. He was referring to Build a Bear. He had built a bear there when he was younger and we had not been back to the store since. He was even able to lead us to the store. This is not an isolated occurnace. It happens on a regular basis. He can also see things that a normal person can't see. We have learned that if he says he sees a bus, even if we can't see it, it is there and will come into view shortly. At times I wonder if he as ESP or some sort of psyhic gift. I know kids are more intune with those things than adults. Example. 2 years ago he walked into my bedroom and told me that PAPA (my dad) was going to do something that day. Actually what he said was "papa is going to be happy today" Strange comment - little did I know he was proposing to his girlfriend that morning. All of these things makes me wonder what goes on in his wonderful imaginative head.

faith, trust and pixie dust
C

I was afraid this would happen

I have 3 boys I don't talk about often. We have been parents to Korean Exchnage Students for the past 4 years. Yoo SUng is now a sophomore at Penn State, Sung is a Freshman at Indiana. Currently we have Aaron(Hae) with us. He will graduate this spring from Seabury with Phil and plans on going to Creighton next fall. This has been the most wonderful expreience for us. We have a plan in the year 2027 that no matter where everyone is in their lives they will all come to my house for that Christmas. They will bring their wives and children and we will have a huge Christmas Celebration.

The Koreans in general are a very proud and gentle population. Many have taken the attack as a personal afront to Korea and its citizens. They are in shock that one of their own could do something like this. They are greiving just as we as Americans are grieving.

Aaron came home yesterday worried that I would be mad at him because it was a Korean who did this. I assured him that I would never hold him responsible for the actions of others. He is also scared he will not be able to get his Visa renewed to come back and study next year.

Unfortunately I am hearing reports from my "sons" of anti Korean feelings towards them. Yoo Sung has said that his American friends have stopped talking to him and those who do not know him or the other Koreans at Penn State are getting many stares. It reminds me of the days immediately following September 11. What happened on that day was not the fault of the Musulim population in this country yet they were blamed for it. The same thing is happening again. Yoo Sung told me he just wants to go home so people will stop staring at him.

When will we learn that we shouldn't hold a population responsible for the acts of one?

I am about to send my almost 18 year old out into the "big bad world" in a few months. I finally start getting used to the idea of not knowing where he is 24/7, that he won't be calling everyday, that he will be doing is own thing, on his own and then.....yesterday happens. I was never scared to go to school. My parents were never afraid to send me to school. They never had to wonder if some one was going to snap and cause a massacre like the one at Virginia Tech. I never had to fear walking across campus or worrying if someone was going to come into my french class and try to blow us all away. That is what I wanted for my son.

I wanted a college career for him of friends, girlfriends, breakups, classes he liked, teachers he didn't, discovery of who he really is, what he really wants to do, late night pizza runs, the occasional underage beer (we all know it happens). College is to be the beginning of the loss of the age of innocence to 18 year olds. But unfortunately yesterday showed that their innocence is lost way too soon. I know he will exprience those things but in a different way.

I don't want to let him go in to that big bad world. I want to lock him in a room and teach him how to be a doctor from the safety of that room. But I know he has to expreience a college career of friends, girlfriends, breakups, classes he likes, teachers he doesn't, discovering who he really is, what he really wants to do, late night pizza runs, the occasional underage beer. I want to hold on a little longer, keep him safe for a split second more. But I know this is not to be. It makes me sad that I can't keep him safe anymore and that he will not know a college career like we did.

My heart goes out to all at Virginia Tech. May God comfort you and shine his Grace upon you in your time of need.

Have Faith, Trust and a Big dose of Pixie dust as we all hold our kids closer today.
C

Disney Again

Yes we are going again. This time it will be Scott, me, Drew, and Scott's mom ML. We are going October 21-28. I have spent a lot of time planning our ADR's (Advanced Dining Reservations) and our days in the park. I have many friends and family who ca't quite understand why I plan so much before we go. They think it is vacation and I should go with the flow. Going with the flow at Disney can be a bad thing. When you are dealing with that many people in a relatively small space it is best to plan. And plan well.

I follow one of the touring plans online. Last year when we went Scott was amazed that in less than 90 minutes we had done 8 rides at MK and had fast passes for 2 others where the stand by wait was 2 hours. We had done the Tea Cups, Small World, Dumbo, Philharmonic, Snow White, Winnie the Pooh, and Peter pan. Those are all in Fantasy Land and fill up fast with little kids. By the time we got off of Peter Pan the standby line was 45 minutes. No Thanks. We then headed to Splash Mountain but first grabbed FP's for ThunderMountain. Scott was SHocked that we were able to ride both in 30 mintues.

As for meals since the Dining Plan it is a must to get ADR's for the places you definelty want to eat. Most are booked 180 days in advance. I can't even book my reservations until April 24th but I have my grid with parks/parades/ and where we want to eat cetain meals. Sit down meals I never leave to chance but I don't worry to much about counter service meals. So see I can be spontaneous. But I do research which ones are better than others.

As for those who comment "you are going to Disney AGAIN?" "Yes we are going again - don't you go to the beach/mountains every summer/winter?" Same difference. It is our vacation and we choose to go visit a Mouse/Duck/Dog/power angers/Beast/Princess/Monsters/THe Incredibles f(the list goes on)or 7 days as opposed to watching the same waves or skiing the same mountain. We do take other vacations - last year we went to Colorado and this year we are headed to NM and also Chicago.

My MIL has never been to WDW and I hope to show her a magical vacation. She has decided going on vacation with me is better than hiriing a tour guide. She is just sitting back and letting me go. 190 days and counting.

Trust and Pixie Dust
Cathy

Sister

I left my ex husband many many years ago. For a long time things were good between us and we were friends. At one point we talked about getting back together. In fact we were such good friends when Phil was 5 we went on vacation - the 3 of us for a week. Then out of the blue he remarried. His new wife wanted no reminders of his past - Phil. She made his life a living hell. After a while of this torment Phil asked Scott to adopt him. Surprisingly Mike agreed. Found out years later it was because he was wanting to buy a new business and his DTI was off due to the child support he was paying. That is another thread.

Mike has a sister who was closer to me than my own sister. We could get into trouble so fast and have so much fun. I always laughed when I was around Lisa. We were inseperable before and after my divorce. Then when Mike remarried Lisa felt that she had to go with family loyalty and we quit speaking. I understood but boy did I miss her. Things were also difficult between my former in laws and me.

Last year Lisa's youngest child was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. Last month they were told he had Type 1 and Type 2. That is very rare. Less than one half of one percent of adults with diabetes have both and that number is even smaller in children. It has been a long year for them. T has been in the hospital 11 times in the past year, the longest stay was over 2 weeks. We almost lost him twice. I have reached out to Peg (former MIL) She and I have become friends again. T went back in the hosptial a couple days ago. I took Phil over yesterday. Before we left for the hosptial I made copies of all the DVD's of Phils performances that I had. I gave them to Peg and she cried. And I cried and Lisa cried. It was like a flood gate of emotion. A bridge had been built. I have been calling Lisa and Peg for the last few months. I just wanted to reach out to them. I know how difficult times like this can be. It is scary and I have been there with my son and my mom.

Yesterday while we were standing around T's hospital bed we started reminicening about my years in the family. I had forgotten so much. Peg, Lisa and I laughed so hard. I was cryingfrom laughter about some of the stories from my past. It felt good. Peg knows about the troubles with my dad and she has listened to me. When my mom died she was at the funeral and held me while I cried. The walls are coming down and we are friends again. Lisa and I want to go to lunch like we used to. I am hoping soon that can happen. We just have to wait till summer someone can stay with T.

My ex still does not speak to me and don't expect that to change. For that I am regretful. But at least I have my sister back.

Life

It amazes me how time gets away from me. I would have sworn that I had updated in the last few weeks but SURPRISE! it has been almost a month.

Seniors at Phil's school are trying to convince parents to excuse them on Friday for a skip day. Forget the fact that they just had a 2 week spring break, Good Friday off, and next Friday they leave for 4 days in Orlando. Plus there is an offical Sr. Skip day in May when the Seniors get to go camping with no chaperones. Plus they don't have a full week of school until graudation because of events. AND they get the last 2 weeks of school off. While the underclassmen are still in school and taking finals the Seniors don't have class.

Trying to explain this to a know it all Senior is very difficult. I told Scott I was waiting till he got home tonight to give him the news that we will not excuse him. I don't want to listent to him whine about it without reinforcements.

On other Phil notes. He has decided to go to Washburn. The Sig Ep house is coming to take him out to dinner next week. They have invited him to spend the night before orientation later this month. I thought for sure he would stay in the dorm but it looks like he may surprise us and go Greek. But that is for him to decide.

Family Test Drive

Phil is skiing in Aspen this week with friends so it is just Scott Drew and I. It is really strange with out Phil around. I keep telling my self this is a test drive for what it will be next year when he goes to college. Phil left this morning so we are in the very early stages of this test drive. It should be an interesting week. I am not sure how I am going to handle this. But in just 5 short months Phil will be headed to Drake and it will be the 3 of us most all the time. So I guess this is the first of many firsts for me.

On another note. I was readmitted to KU this week. I am in Pre Social Welfare. I have gotten my initial advising done and look pretty well set to have my BSW in the Spring of 2010. I plan to go into my MSW right after I finish my BSW. Looks like there lots of changes in this house in the next year and a new normal is almost upon us. I know I am apprehensive about going back. I can only imagine how my 18 year old feels about going out in the world. But that is a post for another time.

Trust and Pixie Dust
C

Prisoner in my own home

Well today is a lost day and I am a prisoner in my own home. I am waiting for the dryer repair man. some companies give you a 2-3 hour window for the repair man to show up. NOT SEARS!!! I was told sometime between 8-5. I am scared to even go take a shower for fear I miss the call saying he is on the way. Because if I miss the call I am sentenced to another day here. I do hopefully get a 15 minute repreive when I race downtown to take Drew to school. They do have my cell so hopefully the repair man will use it. So here I sit with 5 days worth of laundry waiting for the repair man. Guess it could be worse....it could be 7 days worth of laundry.

Get em while they are young

We took Drew to see the Doodlebops this weekend. For those who don't know who the Doodlebops are - they are the Rock group for the very hip PreK age. What an expensive afternoon. First tickets for 3 were 120.00 (not including Ticketmasters usual and customary handling fees.)

Drew was so excited. We got to our seats and I go to peruse the merchandise and food. I got off lucky (cheap). I bought one shirt 25.00 (even Talbots is cheaper) one light up toy (that all other the kids had) 20.00 and one program 12.00 (but it came with a free Kazoo!!!)

I skipped the food and went back to our seats. The show started and Drew had a great time dancing in the aisle. No mini mosh pit like at a Mr. StinkyFeet concert. But dancing works up a hunger so off Scott went in search of noursishment. He comes back with some cotton candy 10.00 (it did have a felt hat to hold the plastic bag in) and a non Doodlebop soda 3.50. Lemonade ina Doodlebop cup was 8.00. Drew did not get lemonade.

The concert started at 1 with 30 minute intermission and ened at about 2:45. I haven't done the math but it was over a 1.00 per minute for the concert. If this were a Mastercard commercial I would say priceless but since it is not i can say OVERPRICED.

It is going to be cheaper for Scott and I to go to the Blue Man Group the end of the month. I learned my lesson. While this was fun - Drew would have had just as much fun going to grandma's house, eating Tortilla Jacks and watching the KU game. AND it would have been much cheaper.

Trust and Pixie Dust

C

life gets in the way

Does this happen to you? You have every intention of doing something regularly - exercising, blogging, paying bills, cleaning house and life gets in the way. You know the kids need your attention - or money, spouse needs your attention or your attention if you know what I mean. Your friends need your support, your kids school needs your time.Well now you know why it has been so long since I have been here. But due to some good friends I am making a resolve to get back here at least twice a week. I am not as ambitious as some I know (hi Randy) and say 3 times a week twice is all I can commit to.

HMMM updates since last time. Phil has the lead in the school play. He is Horton the Elephant in Suessical the Musical. One of his first shows as a 7th grader he played the cow in a "A clown's Play - Jack and the Beanstalk" He couldn't talk but had to get his point across to Jack thru mooing. so now he is an elephant. I wonder if there is a hidden meaning in this. But he does have several solos using real words this time. He graduates in about 2 months and mom is not ready for the world to have him quite yet.

Scott has been busy with work. I suckered him to remodeling the bathroom so he isn't too happy with me right now. but it has to be done. the bathroom has god awful yellow tiles on the walls from the mid seventies. it is hideous. Next month the "big wigs" will be in the office to present him with his 10 year anniversay gift - a watch. I'd rather have the cash. We have been together 10 years (dating) and married 8 years this April.

Drew is the sunshine and roses of everyones life. I taught him to sing "Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head" He sings it with such 4 year old feeling it is wonderful. He helps me to remember that there is more to life than stress.

Pixie Dust and Trust.