Gotcha day

In the adoption world there are celebration days that don't exists for other families. Families celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Easter etc. In adoption families we also tend to celebrate Gotcha day. This is the day when we got the call and our son or daughter is placed in our arms for the first time. Kind of like saying "everything will be Ok. I gotcha now" That was yesterday for us. We were fortunate that Drew came to us the day after he was born and so we celebrate these together.

For families who adopt thru the foster system or over seas Gotcha days are a separate day. The day is still very important to the family. I know one family who goes for Chinese on that day of the year only. It is marked by a family celebration. For us- this year we are headed to 6 Flags. The three of us. Wish phil was here to join us but he isn't.
This day means ususally means a lot to an adoptive family similar to Christmas, birthdays or Easter. We don't give presents but we celebrate being a family.

progress

We are making progress in the foods Drew eats. For the longest time it was only carbs. It got to be very challenging and VERY unhealthy. In working with his OT, she came up with a way for him to try new foods. He gets to be a scientist. When he is introduced to a new food he gets to examine it for color, textures, smells etc. Then he has to try it. In some cases the first try may only be a lick but he is not allowed to say he doesn't like something until he has journaled about a food 10 times. I am happy to report instead of just potatoes and corn on the cob he now eats dried bananas, snap pea crisps, sweet potatoes stawberries and blueberries. He has ruled out for the time being freeze dried mango, kiwi is iffy at best. He has licked broccoli and asparagus and the jury is still out on those but in our eyes that is MUCHO progress.

Another Tuesday

Drew is at school. Scott is at work. I am at home. I have been weighing my options as to what I could do today. I think some washing of sheets is in store for me. May be washing a couple dishes. Then I plan on knitting and maybe some online retail therapy.

Drew this morning was listening to a song and to give you an example of how his mind works - the lyrics were "she's a good bass fisher and an dynamite kisser...." Drew looked at me and asked "why would anyone want to kiss dynamite?"

I am taking a class right now on moral and social ethics. in his world everything is black and white. But when talking about morals there are many grey areas. I am still trying to help him understand Ethics on an 8 year old asperger level. All I can say is it is not easy.

MIA

WOW Have I been MIA for a while. Sorry all. Lots going on. Some good -Some great - Some not so great - some I am not ready to talk about.

When I think about it I would have to say it is all pretty great. I had a wonderful time in Topeka. I came back refreshed in many ways. Scott and Drew survived very well with out me. I came home to a clean house, laundry done, Scott even cleaned out my second pantry and it is very nicely organized. He found time to trim a big over grown tree in the back yard. Now I know what he CAN do. LOL

I spent time with many of my wonderful friends. Had a slumber party with one - but we are old we were in bed by 10:30.

I spent one evening with a dear friend Anna. She is an amazing fiber artist and I learned how to spin. Not very easy. I also got to play with her drum carder and learned how to make batts. I am getting a drum carder for a Mother's Day/Birthday present. I am so excited. Plus I will now be scouring the internet for some wonderful rovings and wool to begin to create. I have tons of ideas for my CHILL kids for the next two semesters as well.

Phil and I got to spend lots of time together. I managed to surprise him with a cake for his fraternity. I have made sure he has had a cake with his fraternity brothers every year of college and I managed to surprise him this year. He was also very surprised to find out he had a party at chuck e cheese on his birthday. THey even had someone get in the mascot suit and come out. I have to figure out how to get the pictures from my phone to my computer so I can get them up.

The biggest news I am allowed to reveal is that we had Drew's IEP meeting yesterday. Very positive outcomes. Lots we knew about Andrew - several concerns that we need to watch but I am happy to report that Drew will be in a brick and mortar school 4 days a week and will continue to do CHILL/Independent Study on Fridays!!! I can't believe the are making that consession. He will however no longer be getting speech and OT out of school but the have promised to try and make arrangements for his old OT who was at SLTA and went to work for the district to take on Drew because she knows him and vice versa so it will make the transition much easier.

I AM

I look around and feel off balance in my life. I look around at everything we HAVE and it doesn't feel right. Why do I need 2 boxes of yarn? Why do I need 4 TV's. There are only 3 of us. We have as many computers as people this house. I am feeling bogged down by all the STUFF that we feel we have to have. I look back at the small house we had in Kansas - it wasn't that small it was 2200 square feet. I wanted more. Now I want to get rid of so much of it. I am tired of stuff. I feel like there has to be more than stuff.

Why do humans always want more? I have jackets I haven't worn in years but I don't get rid of them because some day I MIGHT need one of them. I look at my youngest and I am realizing I am setting a bad example for him. I lost my cell phone and after not finding it in 4 days I had to go buy a new one. I didn't need it. Drew found my phone a couple days later. I am part of the NOW generation. I never WANT for anything. If I want something I go buy it. I am realizing that is not the way to live.

As I have lived in California for the past few years I have realized that so many people have a sense of entitlement. I am one of them. I want to be someone who sets a different example for the world. I don't know how I am going to do it but there is a path I feel I am being called to walk and changing my thinking my step is the first step. Wanna walk with me?

Go to the Oprah site and watch and read about Tom Shadyak and who he was and who he has become. Also learn about what 3 guys have done in Uguanda for the invisible children. After reflecting on how I want to live my life and know I am not fulfilled and it is time to make the changes and follow my hearts desire and give back to this glorious Earth.

65

Yesterday, my mom would have been 65 years old. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her at least briefly. I think anyone who has lost a parent does.

I wasn't sad yesterday, just kind of melancholy. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I would have marked her 65th birthday.

As Scott was leaving for Vestry last night I looked at him and said "She would have been 65 today" HE hugged me and said he saw my tweet and knew she had been on my mind.

Andrew was standing there and asked who was 65. I told him that his Grammy would have been 65 if she was still alive. He said "well she still is 65 today. Just because someone dies doesn't mean that people can't celebrate."

At that point he said " where is the cake and candles?" Scott went to Vestry and Drew and I had a cupcake to celebrate my mom.

Like my friend Elaine said "sometimes it just takes a kids perspective" I think Drew just started a new family tradition.

new obsession

Still waiting for some tests to come back. So far everything has come back negative EXCEPT I barely had Vitamin D in my system. I just wish the one test that was sent away would come back. That is the one everyone is hanging their hat on.

Since Drew is back in school I find I have more free time on my hands. I have been perusing the internet and have found some amazing sites. I thought over the next few days I would share some of my favorite ones.

My first site is jasmere . I have never found a more wonderful company. Their customer service in INCREDIBLE. It is similar to groupon but on a more broader scale. Jasmere seeks out less known specialty shops on the internet and then using their bargaining power negotiate great prices. The more people that buy the bigger the discount. You are then mailed a voucher # at the end of the 24 hour period to use on a specific website. You have 3 months to use the voucher.

I have made 4 or 5 purchases from Jasmere and have yet to be disappointed. Several of my friends have been giving me a hard time about Jasmere because I am already buying Christmas presents. Yes I know it is April and Yes I know I shouldn't mention the C-Word until at least July but with the things I have gotten I can't help it.

I have bought baked goods, purses, reusable shopping bags, 6 months of recipes (gluten Free) YEsterday I was the customer of the day and I won a gift card to a stationary store. I can't wait to use it.

If you are interested in Jasmere let me know. If I refer someone to the site and they purchase something I get a 10.00 referral fee to use on future purchases.

Next I will be talking about phatfiber and their wonderful fiber giveaways

Please note I do not recieve anthing from these companies. These are just my opinions on sites I enjoy and hope you do to.

poked prodded and drained

Saw the new neuro doc today. WOW. I have found the older Asian version of House. Found out this is the number one person in the area for neuro disorders. He reviewed old records, found things we didn't think we significant. Ordered another MRI - this time of the spine. I had so much blood drawn to day that I am feeling a little pasty. Trying to get authorization for another test.

I feel like this doctor is listening and trying to figure this out. That is such good news after all the road blocks. I go see him again in 6 weeks and hopefully we will have some answers.

So now we wait.

I don't remember much

I know many of you have seen posts on FB as well as here that my dad was here for a week babysitting me. Here is what happened

I went in for my lumbar puncture as planned - however the aftermath was totally unplanned. The lumbar puncture went fine but when I was in observation afterwards is very fuzzy. I remember them telling Scott that I had to wait 2 hours in observation because of being prone to migraines. I remember telling Scott I was getting the worst migraine ever. I remember someone loading me in to the car and being rushed 2 blocks to the hospital. I remember a really nice security guard staying with me while Scott parked the car. I remember after sitting in a wheelchair for a while Scott grabbing a nurse and telling him that I had had a lumbar puncture and I had to be laying down. Then I was on a gurney in a hallway.

I was eventually put in a ER room. At some point some point I got an IV. No clue when. I got a CT scan to check for a stroke - no clue when. I lost the ability to swallow. Remember a nice nurse taking the water from me when I started choking. I was admitted to the hosptial. Scott knew I could not stay alone with Drew for a week - heck we didn't know when I was going to get out of the hosptial. SCott had to go to Dallas on business that could not be postponed in anyway. The government doesn't put off meetings.

He called his mom first but she couldn't get out here till Tuesday. So SCott called my dad. The next thing I remember being told that Dad was coming to stay and take care of me. Thanks to Andrea for arraging everything and sacrificing a week with out dad during the rainy season and the crack in the wall. Thanks to Mary Lou for not being able to come.

What I do remember is having the best week of my life with my dad. It was the most wonderful theraputic week. Lots of talking laughing crying loving healing. What we both needed.
Dad met my friends, went to Dr.appts, pack meeting, knitting group, DRew's OT and speech and so many other little things. IT meant the world to me.

We see a new neurologist on Wed. We now have more questions then answers. No one can explain what happened after my puncture. It was scary. I have so many holes in my memories but I think that is probably a good thing. But not as good as having my dad to myself for a week.

Raising a child with a disabilty

First let me say this week has been incredible. THe lumbar puncture not so much. I will explain what happened in the next few days. But until then let me say my dad saw Holland this week and has a new appreciation for it's wonders, beauties and difficulties. And I have a new appreciation of my dad as well

WELCOME TO HOLLAND

by
Emily Perl Kingsley.

c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.

The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.

But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

today is the day

I have so much to blog about about. the kid who hit drew but didn't get suspended. I am still fighting that battle. Teaching others about Tourettes. Teaching Drew about Tourettes. Deciding to take my life from what ever this damn thing that is making my life a living hell. Getting ready for my hubby to leave for a week in Dallas. My upcoming trip back to Kansas.

But today is my lumbar puncture. I will be strong because I have God on my side as well as wearing my 2008 Jayhawk National Championship Tshirt.

Back soon.

Aspergers

My husband wrote a very profound blog on what it is like to live with Andrew. It gave a day in the life instance that we have to deal with regularly. It is hard for people not living with a child like Drew to understand the day to day struggles we have. I hope you take a minute and read Scott's blog post

Aspergers

I wouldn't change anything but there are days the struggle seem so overwhelming but Drew is such a wonderful fun loving little guy I couldn't imagine doing life with out him.

Ramblings

You never tell a kid on the high autism spectrum to take his best shot when he is on a manic and threatening to hurt you. Drew took his teacher seriously and hauled off and slugged him the other day. one day suspension. Last night Drew and I were talking and he was tell him that the other kids in his class find him annoying because of his Tourettes. I am looking for a book that will help his class understand. He admitted he is having trouble making friends and wishes there was a way to homeschool but have a different teacher. Not sure how that one would work. But I plan on asking about it.

Scott has been out of town this weekend- annual conference in Denver. Drew spent one night with Amanda and Julie - What do I do get? a 102 degree fever. Slept a lot, drank lots of water. Woke up this morning with a barometric migraine to top it off. Today we pick up Scott at the airport, I want to run by Joanns for their coupon commotion. There are several large ticket items I want to get that I have coupons for making them 40-50% off. Scott is home this week, I have a spinal tap on Thursday and then Scott leaves Saturday for an entire week. Should prove to be interesting. My legs don't want to work and I find myself "tripping on them" more and more. The trouble swallowing is becoming more noticeable especially when I eat soft things, like bread. I can't wait to figure this out. Until then I go forward one day at a time and know that God is watching over me and will be with me no matter what He has planned.

more tests

Well the tests aren't over. My GP ended up firing my neuro doc this week and is taking over my care on this issue until we can get into another neuro doc in a few weeks.

I had the nerve conduction test and according to the old neuro doc there are abnormalities but nothing he "can hang is hat on" Needless to say Scott and I were very frustrated.

My doc has ordered a lumbar puncture for next Thursday. Note the sarcasm when I say : I can hardly wait.

I see a new neuro doc the 23rd. I am hoping this one takes me seriously and listens to what is going on.

decent bedside manner would be a plus.

thought for the day

The road of life has so many twists and turns and obstacles, it is good to have family and friends to help us navigate the difficult ones and celebrate the good ones.

Saturday AGAIN

It seems that Saturdays have gotten into a routine around here. Scott goes for an early ride in Folsom with friends, Drew and I hang out, me on the computer, and Drew watching TV and playing. Pretty content if you ask me.

I remember when I was a kid Saturday mornings were crazy. I had gymnastics, Amie had Basketball, mom had to go to the grocery store and get other errands done. We had to get the house picked up from a week of living. They were fun times looking back. Usually Amie and I had one parent to our selves for part of the day and I always enjoyed the conversation with which ever parent I was lucky enough to spend the time with. I am sure my sister felt the same way as well.

Monday is the BIG day for me. Scott is taking me to the DR. for the last of my tests (I hope) and then I will get some kind of Diagnosis (I hope) and a treatment plan. I am scared of what the doctor might say but at the same time it will be nice to know what in the HELL is going on with me.

When Phil was born I refused an epidural because I couldn't stand the thought of a needle in my back. So I opted for a C-section. Thursday I told Scott I would gladly let them give me an epidural if it would stop the pain in my legs.

Scott is sending me home for a week. I come in April 27 and spend 2 nights with my dad and Andrea. I am really looking forward to it. Dad and I get a day together and that will be fun. Then I head for Lawrence for a 3 hour coffee with Carolyn. that same day there is a mini reunion in Topeka at Huhot for anyone that wants to attend. If you want to come let me know and I will send you the info. I am spending time with Phil and Betsy as well. The main reason for this trip is May 3. That is Phil's 22 birthday. I haven't spent a birthday with him since he turned 18. We are spending the day in Lawrence. We have something very special planned and I am honored that he would want to include me. We plan to go to Seabury and see his old teachers and my old friends. We are going to stop by my old stitch group so I can see some of them and then our special adventure. My sister would be good on this mission. she has wonderful taste. Then lunch at Pachamama's if I have my way. I miss my kid. I want to spend this time with him the same way my dad wants to spend time with me. It took me a long time (I am a little thick headed sometimes) but I get it now and to spend time with two of my favorite men has me very excited to make memories with both of them.

Health Update

Not sure how to take it. The MRI came back with no changes from the one is September. While I know this is a good thing(it showed no stroke or no growth in the 2 suspicious spots in my brain) it also showed normal blood flow etc. But since it showed nothing new, we need to figure out what the heck is going on. Over the past few weeks I have noticed more problems in my legs not my arms and hands. Yesterday at church I didn't have my cane and about toppled over - if it hadn't been for Scott and our friend Ben I would have been in a heap on the ground. I learned my cane needs to always be with me. Even if the day starts out with me feeling great - it can so south at any moment.

I emailed the neurologist to ask what the next step was. Not sure I want his answer. Part of me is worried that the is going to think I am nuts and say there is nothing wrong with be. I do have an appt with another neurologist in March and I am keeping that appt. HE is to be the best of the best.

I just want it figured out so I can go back to having some semblance of a life again. As Jay and Grant from the Ghost Hunters say - On to the next (in my case test.)

Another Saturday

Saturday has rolled around again. I think it is gonna be a pretty quite weekend for us. Next weekend appears to be pretty busy so I will take the down time when I can.

It has become routine that Scott go to Folsom on Saturday mornings for long ride with a group of people. He gets up about 530 and does his thing. He putzes around the house and about 7 he leaves. I try to grab a little more sleep if Skippy allows it. Other wise I get up and take him out. Once I am up I am up and can't go back to sleep - at least for a few hours. I try to catch up on mail, bills, insurance crap, mundane life things. I never know day to day how I feel but my alone time on Saturday seems to be when my brain works and I can get stuff done.

Drew gets up and on goes a movie and cereal in front of the TV. I remember Saturdays like that when I was a kid.

Scott gets home usually between 1:00 and 2:00. Usually we try and go out for dinner. We find our selves eating more Asian and vegetarian food since I have been sick. I do love my favorite Korean BBQ place tho. I love bulgogi.

They have taken dairy away from me as well now - ever try to go to chipolte and get a burrito - cant have it. gluten. So go with a bowl right? No cheese or sour cream. It looses something when it is only rice, beans and chicken.

Next Sunday is going to be fun. We are hosting a Mystery Dinner for our CHILL parents. The mom in charge told me yesterday that there are 10 couples coming. We are doing potluck. We love these friends. The support, love and fellowship we provide each other is amazing. We go camping together, have a monthly mom's night out. The mom's have rented a cabin in Tahoe and we are all headed there the first weekend of March. Fellowship, eating, crafting and napping for an entire weekend.

time to get back to my Saturday.

FTPD

C

PWD 2011

Scott has the pictures so they are not available to post. That being said, it was another successful year for Andrew at the Pine Wood Derby.

He did hold track record briefly this year but was knocked off first by a Den mate and then by a BEar. His car was clocked at 238.9 mph. The fastest car of the day was 240.1 mph.

Drew did take home two trophies this year. He placed Second in the Wolf Division (back to Districts) and his car was voted Fastest looking car by all the attendees.

Scott helped this year. He put cars on the track and if you have a scout or have done scouting before you know that placing cars on the track is a job. All the cars for the heat MUST be lined up exactly, you can't touch the wheels, you may not place your child's car on the track. And those are just the race rules. Once again Drew's car is in the hands of the Cub Master because we may not make adjustments to the car before the District tourney.

For some diehards, they think nothing of spending 150.00 for their kids PWD car. There are laser cut cars, special wheels, paint, etc it is quite a racket.

I love seeing the effort and creatvity that the boys put in to their cars. Their imaginations get to run wild.

PS my mom's recipe for chili lost the Chili Cook off.

Canes

I wanted a cane that wasn't an old person cane. You know that aluminum/gray one that old women carry. I didn't want that. I am only 43 facing a real bum diagnosis. I can deal with it. From what I can tell it is not a death sentence it is just a life changer - God telling me "Hey time for you to realize you are not in control and you have got to trust and put your Faith in ME." HE will hold me in his hands through this and no matter the outcome He will have my back.

Back to my cane story. I decided that I wanted FUN canes. Canes with personality like me. Quirky, fun, mischievous, daring, happy.... I found a really cool website where I plan on ordering 3 canes from. One is black with flames - like House carries. One is a quad cane that is blue with the moon and stars painted on it. The third is pearlized purple with rhinestones. Due to a monetary slip up. I over paid a bill by 2000.00 and am currently waiting for the refund I can't order them yet.

But I went to CVS and got 2 canes. One is covered in pink roses and the other is brown and black checked. I may go back and see if they can order me one other one I liked but they were out of it at the time.

I have come to the conclusions canes are like purses - you can never have too many.

proud owner of....

My doctor today gave me 3 things. A script for a cane to help with balance, the signed forms for me to go stand in line at the DMV to get a handicap parking pass and an actual appointment time with a specialist to figure out what is wrong with me. It is the end of March but that is better than not having one at all. This specialist picks and chooses his patients based on case history. So him agreeing to take me is the first step.

I know I am facing a lumbar puncture, another MRI, nerve biopsies and who knows what else. My doc thinks he has an idea what this is. I am not a fan of what I have read of his possible diagnosis. Chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy. At this point it is just a guess.

It is hard to describe the sensation I feel at times. My arms feel numb and my legs feel like they are being tazed. at times it is an all over feeling of tingling like right now. Like there is a low voltage current running through me. I won't lie I am scared. I know there are treatments to put this in remission.

Just like everything else, God knew me before I was born and picked the path I was to travel. I may not understand why it is but it just is.

SKOOL

I am a homeschool mom. I say it loud and proud. The past 2 years being home and schooling Drew have been remarkable. I have learned a lot. I also learned a lot today.

When I picked up Andrew from school his teacher escorted him to the car. I am thinking "GREAT! is the real Drew finally coming through?" Having a teacher walk your kid to the car is not something you want.

Instead, Mr. Weidel walked to my side of the car and showed me a note that Andrew had slipped to him. All it said was " i licke skool" It spoke volumes.

I have defended home school for the past 2 years and I honestly feel it is the best education most kids can get. But there are exceptions. Drew being one of them. He loves the structure of school. He loves the socialization of school. I will continue to be a home school mom at heart but for now Drew is where he wants and needs to be. I want him to love learning and for him school is where it happens best.

haven't been around

Sorry I haven't been keeping up with my blogging duties. I have many things to talk about but I am finding out people are reading my blog and then using things I say against me within my family. So I have decided to focus on things that don't have to do with my personal life that people can mistrue and get defensive about. That makes me sad because I always felt like this was a safe place for me to talk and if family chose to read it they would realize this was my avenue to vent and talk and exercise my right of free speech, and be myself but I am quite tired of the toxicity within my family right now. Some times family can be as toxic as trying to be perfect. I am tired of people who claim to know me trying to change me. Telling me how to act, how to be what they want me to be, how I was a disappointment to them, that they know more than me on every subject whether they honestly do. But to try and advice them is like entering the center of a hurricane and I become the worst person on earth.

Therefor while I will continue to talk about my kids, becoming Gluten Free, vacations, etc. My private life info is going to be off limits because I have found that I am honestly not free to be me. Censorship is a bad thing It is sad that "family" tends to judge the harshest even when they have no clue what is actually going on in my life. Judgement is not love but then I really wonder what family love and support look like these days.

my motto for the year.

It's a toxic desire to try to be perfect," she says. "I realized later in life that the challenge is not to be perfect. It's to be whole."

Jane Fonda is not one of my favorite people. However, I watched Oprah a few weeks ago and heard Jane say this. It really struck me. As a girl growing up there were expectations on us. Not the same ones from our mother's generation. We were told we were to go to college and get a degree and have a career before family. I messed that one up. I had no real drive when I was in the years 18-23. I got married to escape what I thought at the time was a horrible home life - looking back it was much better than I gave it credit for. I didn't rebel in high school I rebelled later. I got married, had a baby, got divorced, moved in with my parents, got my act together, graduated from Jr. College. Got a job got remarried. Adopted a baby, moved twice because of my husbands job and am now settled in Sacramento California.

There has been lots of reflection on my life in the past few months. Facing MS (and it has not been ruled out), my son entering a new part of his life, giving up homeschooling for something that drew needs. My life has been in constant flux for years.

What Jane Fonda said resonated with me. My whole life I have been trying to be perfect, perfect daughter, perfect friend perfect mom, perfect wife,perfect housekeeper, being the perfect everything to everyone. God knows I was not perfect at any of them. Most I failed miserably at in my younger days.

I was/am so busy trying to be everything to so many people that I have forgotten about me. This year I am going to find out what makes me me and make myself whole. I don't know what that will involve but I know there will be more reflection on what I enjoy, what I am good at, my relationships and which I feel are worth my time and energy. Do I do things because I other people enjoy them and I want to make them happy or am I doing something that full fills me? Am I in school for me or to full full some sort of dream others have so I don't disappoint people any more. I am not sure what "complete" means. That is the question. Stay tuned to find out the answer.

not yet

Yes I know you are all dying for the Disney stuff but you have to wait a few more days. I need a couple days to reflect on other things.

Today Drew went back to brick and mortar school. He loved it. I think he liked the social aspect quite a bit. That was the BIGGEST concern I had about home schooling in the first place. We joined several HS groups but he needed more socialization opportunities.

With his learning issues and anxiety issues he is in a self contained classroom with 8 other kids, a teacher and 3 aides. The plan is to begin to main stream him next year.

It was strange not having Drew around today. I did get lots accomplished. All the Christmas stuff is packed away, Scott and I moved offices, and I got a power nap. It was also very quiet with out him around. I never realized what a large presence he was. Scott and I have decided that Drew will still participate in some HS activities such as International Day, Gold Rush Days, weekend HS trips and our camping trips. That way he can have the best of both worlds.

I still hope to find a way to do Story of the World with him. It is an awesome history series that we both enjoy. I also want to set up a website and have us track Flat Stanley/Stella around the world.

This was one of the most difficult decisions I have made in parenting. I know for now it is where Drew needs to be. I loved our HS time and can't wait for the day we can resume it.

we made it.

we are home. I have tons of pictures to post and stories to tell. We were selected Wilderness Lodge Family of the day and got to raise the flags on the lodge on our last full day. It was amazing. We had a private photog as we did it. The views were amazing. Drew got a blue Mohawk. (pixie dust got to me.) His head is now shaved. We ate too much, spent too much, had more fun that you can imagine. Drew was named artist of the day at the Magic Kingdom and his artwork was displayed at the Disney Art Gallery. I however am paying the price and am having a full blown Fibro flare. I have been flat on my back for 2 days. This is the first day I have been even remotely upright for more than 20 minutes. the pictures will be up in the next few days. And there are stories behind many of them.

Be patient with me. Drew was to start school tomorrow but it has been put off till Thursday due to an emergency with his Program Specialist. Lots of issues that have to be dealt with concerning that as well. I am here and have much to tell and reflect on.

To Excited To Sleep

This is me for the next couple nights. 2 and a wake up!!!!

Mom part 2

So after I made that last post I was sitting here in a funk. All of a sudden, outside I hear lots of laughter and then singing. There was a group of kids going down the middle of the street and stopping from time to time all the while singing Christmas Carols. The stopped in front our house and Drew and I watched out the upstairs window. All of a sudden, they started singing my mom's favorite Christmas song. The Christmas Song Never in the three years have we been here has this happened. Never in the three years that we have been here have I been in such a funk.

I know many people don't believe in such but I took it as a sign that my mom was here and that it was all going to be ok. For a minute I felt her next to Drew and I, holding my hand, singing along.

I miss you Mommy. Merry Christmas

mom

There are lots of days I miss my mom and grandparents, today is one of two that I miss my mom it hurts like it was yesterday that she passed away.

Christmas was my mom's holiday. To her it meant family, love, time together, to be thankful for all we had. It just doesn't feel like Christmas. Living in California is hard during the holidays. It is not cold, there is no snow, there is no family except the three of us. This year it is worse because Phil is not here.

When I was a kid, we would always spend Christmas Eve going out to dinner with our grandparents. Some times if the weather was bad we would order pizza. Several years mom would boil shrimp and we would have a feast. Then back to our house to open Christmas presents from each other. My dad always called it conspicuous consumption. It usually did look like a wrapping paper factory threw up when the chaos was over. After we went to bed, Santa would come. After waking mom and dad up at ugly early and checking out the loot, mom and dad would go back to bed. When they were finally up there was flurry of activity as mom started cooking Christmas dinner. My grandparents would come over and some years my dad's other relatives from Hiawatha would join us. My dad was a firm believer that kids needed to be in their own environment during Christmas because it was a such a confusing chaotic time for them and being in their own home allowed some sense of normal routine.

I have tried to recreate the Christmas of years past. I have realized that is not possible. I can never be my mom. All I can do is remind my children of the meaning of family and when all else fails all we have is each other.

As we got older my mom became more of a Christmas fanatic. It would take a weekend to put up and decorate the tree. My parents best friends the Hazlett's would trek to Kansas city the day ofter Thanksgiving and start the process. I know there was one year that dad and Allan held the tree up while mom and Peggy rushed out to get fishing wire to string up the top part of the tree. I always felt safe and warm during Christmas. While we didn't do lots of baking and such, it was still my family and my traditions. I miss my family in Kansas. I wish many things could be different. I wish the closeness of the holidays was still present in all of us. I cherish those memories of Christmas' past. Sometimes I feel like it is all I have left.

Hard decision

Scott and I have to make a rough decision tonight. To some this might not sound hard but to us it was trying to hold on to our youngest sons childhood just a bit longer.

My dad does a wonderful service every year. He calls kids all over the country to help Santa check in on kids. I think last year he said he had 30 kids on his list. He has wonderful sleigh bells. He loves doing it and kids all over the country have a bit of magic during their holiday.

Dad offered to put Drew on his list this year. After much discussion Scott and I decided to decline. Drew is getting very good at discerning voices. He can tell when the same person plays different characters in movies. He knows who Steve Carrel is and knows what movies he has animated for example. Drew talks to my dad on a regular basis and we were worried that he might recognize the voice.

Drew has been questioning the reality of Santa vs the meaning of Santa lately. We have a Shelf Elf and the other Drew asked me if I would ever lie to him. I said not intentionally. He asked if I realized that Shelf Elf was plastic and why didn't he ever blink. HMMMMM.

We want this last year of belief for our own selfish reasons. We aren't sure if he as grasp what Santa is all about so we are holding our breath. I think the belief has lasted this long because he has been homeschooled. After this year I am sure we will be having discussions about Yes Virgina and what Santa is all about.

My youngest is growing up. I am glad we have had this long.

If you have seen one.....

Last was was a rare celestial event. It was a lunar eclipse that happened on winter solstice. This event has not happened in over 300 years. Pretty spectacular if you ask me. Drew on the other hand....

Scott came to bed about 1130. I woke up and decided we all needed to trek into the backyard and witness this event of historical proportion. So Scott woke up Drew and asked if he wanted to see it. Drew was up in an instant. He was so excited. We all went the the back yard - there was a break in the rain so we could actually see the moon. It was at about half covered. I explained to drew the significance of this event. He seemed duly impressed. After watching for a few minutes we all went back in.

I asked Andrew if he wanted me to wake him up in a couple hours so he could see the full lunar eclipse. "No thanks mom, once you have seen one lunar eclipse you have seen them all. I would prefer to sleep."

So much for being impressed.

Karma

Today Drew and I were at Henry's Farmer's Market. I had to pick up a few things. We were waiting at the meat counter and Drew was begging to stand on the cart. Being 70 pounds that is not a good idea so I told him no because it would tip the cart. After several attempt to change my mind he asked why not when other kids were allowed to do it. I replied that "I guess I am a mean mom" At that point I dropped my phone. Drew looked at me, shook his head and said "karma" and walked over to pick up bananas.

shopping

Well I finished my Christma shopping today. My friend Lori and I have begun a tradition (we are in our second year) of taking a day going out for Chinese lunch and then finishing up our shopping. More than anything it is a day just to hang out and talk. We wander thru the stores and finish stocking stuffers and a few impulse buys for the kids. What is Christmas with out impulse buys?

On the Disney front: today 2 of our packages of luggage tags showed up today. Waiting on 2 more. I will say Disney is great about allergies. I sent an email about Drew's peanut allergy. I was mainly concerned about our Pirate and Pal Cruise the first night - lots of peanut type snacks cracker jacks, peanut butter cookies etc. within 3 hours I had an email back from the coordinator of the Cruise. He wanted out our confirmation number and what night we were attending. I was assured that they would make sure there were snacks that Drew could eat - even if they have to bring in special food for him. That is amazing.

Remember something good is going to happen to you today - you jut have to find it.

Cathy

Busy busy

Well the district finally got a home teacher here. tonight she was late. So Drew only had 45 minutes of class time.

I heard back from the State Dept of Education. They are launching an immediate investigation against the district on 6 violations.

Our trip is rapidly approaching. 21 days from right now we should have landed in Orlando and waiting for Phil and Betsy to get there. 22 days from now we should be watching the fireworks from the lagoon on the Pirate and Pals cruise. 23 days from now we will be walking through the Osborne lights at DHS and waiting for New Years. 24 days from now we will have finished the Animal Kingdom park and we will be having dinner at Hoop De Doo Review. Not that I am counting or anything.

Phil and Betsy keep telling me they will be excited after next week. Finals will be over and they will have a life again. If they only knew what not having a life was....

There are so many little things in life that are good. A few not so good but when I look around at everything that others deal with I realize my life ain't so bad. I remind my self every day of the good things in my life -

Remember something good is going to happen to you today - you just have to go find it - what happened to you today?

Is it rude

Tell me if this scenario is rude.

30 minutes before you are to be at your monthly Bunco game your dog gets skunked. You call hte hostess and tell her that your hubby refuses to clean up the dog and you now have skunk on you so you are going to jump in the shower and pick up another member and you will be right over.

When you show up commenting that you can't get the smell out any better but oh well we are all friends and sit down in a cloth chair and proceed to play Bunco. As the evening wears on several people start to get headaches, one gets sick, several go outside to get fresh air,the hostess dining chairs as well as couch now are "Ode DeSkunk". You then can't understand why you were asked to leave because you did shower (not wash your hair)and changed clothes and everyone else is getting sick.

In your opinion was the hostess in the wrong? Or the skunked Bunco Member? I am not the one who was skunked nor was I the hostess this month.

I hate

I hate being seen as a witch (with a b). But sometimes it seems to get peoples attention, after being nice for a month, you have to pull out the big guns to get some ones attention.

I had to do that yesterday. I filed another complaint against the school district. Drew has been enrolled since November 8 in his old school district but has not attended class. Yes you read that right he has not set foot in a class room in a month. While it has been a very peaceful month it has not been too productive. I have called, written letters etc only to get lip service. Yesterday, I had had it. I woke up with a MAD on like my grandma used to say. Once again my letters and calls pleading to get his home/hosptial tutoring going nothing was happening. We were losing anohter week. So I filed the complaint. Served a copy to the district and 2 hours later I got a call. The program specialist told me she was surprised I had filed the complaint since we had been working together. UMMMM.....My son's education under their watch was watching movies and cartoons all day.... that is NOT working together. That is them not doing their job. I hit the roof. I think I have a bit of my sister in me (hi sis) that every once in a while comes to the serface. While I was not proud of my behavior it got the job done.

I charged they had been denying drew his right to a free public education, not following the IEP they wrote, discriminating against him because of his disability. Scott had a very long conference call this afternoon - he did tell the PS it was a good thing I hung up on her because I might have been arrested if I continued on my verbal tirade. We now know where Drew will be attending when we get back from vacation, and why they made the decisions they did. I am currently waiting (still) for a call concerning who will be doing his home tutoring.

That is all I wanted. Was a few explanations on what was happening and why. Not too much to ask. I am just sorry I was forced to take such drastic action to get what could have been very easy to do.

I have 2 different thoughts

I have 2 very different thoughts tonight

1. Never mess with a mama bear when it comes to their cubs and their well being. Elk Grove you really messed up this time.

2.Look at all the stars. You look up and you think, "God made all this and He remembered to make a little speck like me." It's kind of flattering, really. - Tombstone - Morgan Earp.

Can you tell the kind of day I have had?

Pixie Dust Abounds!!!!!!!

I am on Disney Happy Dance today. I hang out on the Disboards quite a bit. It is where I have learned all the ins and outs of planning an awesome Disney Vacation. I know some people like to just wing it but unfortunately at Disney that can't be done. I made our meal reservations back in July (you have to make the 180 days out) A few I have changed over time and fine tuned them. I have planned several character meals for us. I got a coveted Breakfast reservation at Cinderella's castle for breakfast.

I have several surprises planned for the family that I can't reveal here because you never know who reads this (Hi Betsy)

Tonight I got one of the most coveted surprises at Magic Kingdom. It is for an event that only a 100 people or so get to do a night when it is held. It is not offered all the time. I had heard the last night it was going to be offered was December 30 - our first night there but I already had a surprise for that night. I crossed this off my list.

Today I commented to Phil I didn't know why I was stalking the boards so much today because we are 30 days away and things are pretty well done. Then I found it. There was a thread about this event and that it was being extended. I jumped on the phone. I was up against a time crunch because they were doing an system up grade in 20 minutes and no reservations could be made for 24 hours at that point. I told the Cast Member what I wanted and what day. At first she said there as no availability that night. PANIC mode. I started looking at all my carefully planned reservations wondering what I could move to make this possible. All my work 6 months ago was about to go out the window. All of a sudden I hear..."wait there is pixie dust in the air" She had managed to get me a reservation on the night I wanted. I will have to change - probably cancel one dinner that we wanted to do but I think everyone will be happy with this one. I will post plenty of pictures of this in just over a month.

I have been bouncing off the walls since I booked this. I can't believe we get to do this. Bet my family doesn't make fun of my haunting the Disboards anymore.

Putting thankfulness into action

It hit me this morning during church that for the past month everyone has been blogging about what they are thankful for OR putting it on facebook. I decided I wanted to start a December movement.

It is time to put our thankfulness into action. I challenge everyone who reads my blog to do the following, challenge your readers. Post what you do here and have your readers do the same on your page.

Do something for a stranger everyday in December. It doesn't have to cost money. Let someone with fewer items go ahead of you in the grocery store or post office, help an elderly person get a cart at the store, put a quarter in a meter that you notice is about to expire, let a car into traffic ahead of you. The list is endless. The power of blogging and Facebook is amazing imagine what a wonderful holiday season it would be if we each took 3 minutes each day and made a stranger smile.

Reality check

I know my son has grown up. I have been aware of that for a long long time. I knew it the day we left him in Kansas and moved to ABQ. I knew it the day he started talking about joining the military and there was nothing I could do. He didn't enlist for medical reasons. I knew it the day he told me he thought he had met THE ONE.

This weekend I had the biggest reality check yet. This is the first holiday in a long time that Phil has not been with us. If for some reason he was not with us he was with Mike's family.

This year was different. He was with THE ONE's family. He went in on Thanksgiving morning, spent the night. Yesterday, the helped Betsy's brother move then he and Betsy spent the afternoon on the plaza, ice skating and watched the Crown Center tree lighting. They woke up this morning and went to Topeka to spend the day with Mike's family. Then back to KC to spend the night. Tomorrow, they get up early and go get a tree and he will for the first time help another family kick off the holiday season.

It hit me while we will always be family I have to share him now. There are 2 families in his life now. I don't mean it in a bad way, it just hit me that once again he is entering a new period of his life. Change is the only constant in this world and with kids that change seems to happen more and more as they grow up.

The trip is coming up

Ok so we have 33 days and 11 hours until we actually hit Wilderness Lodge for 11 days it is beginning to seem real.

I have had our dining reservations made since July. A must if you are going to the world, using the dining plan and want to get the better, fun restaurants.

Plane tickets have been bought. Thank goodness for Southwest and allowing the change of flights without a penalty.

Today I ordered trading pins from EBAY. Need to find everyone's lanyard.

I have started putting together my first aid kit. Everyone made fun of me last time but the moleskin and body glide were life savers for all involved.

I have bought all the T-shirts and the transfers. Lori and Lois have offered to take care of getting them done for me. (somewhere in the next month we are moving and I don't have time to get it all done with out help from them). Lori is also designing special autograph books for Betsy and Drew. She made one for Lexi and their trip to DL this past week. It was beautiful.

need to make our hotel reservation for the 29th at the airport Hyatt. and get gift cards for everyone. Lots of little details to deal with but those will get done.

WDW I can't wait!!!!Open your magic gate You make no stranger wait......

some of my thankfuls

I am truly blessed. I am thankful for my life with my wonderful husband, 2 wonderful boys who are both entering new chapters in their lives. I am thankful for a wonderful dad and stepmom who truly care about Drew and his issues. I am thankful for a MIL who puts Drew first and when she is here my life becomes so much easier.

I am thankful for friends who have my back when things get rough or there is reason to celebrate.

I am thankful for technology that allows me to keep in touch with friends and family around the world.

I am thankful for having enough food, good medical care, a roof over my head, and an overabundance of everything good.

I am thankful that I have accepted Jesus as my Savior and that I let him into my heart and home.

my fave turke quote

AS GOD IS MY WITNESS, I THOUGHT TURKEYS COULD FLY - Gordon Jump AKA Mr. Carlson, WKRP

First sign of Vacation arrived

Last night when Scott brought in the mail he didn't know he was carryI ng what I considered one of two important peices of mail that is due before Christmas. Disney gave me an early Christmas present. Our tickets for the Disney Magical Express arrived!!!!!! For those who are not as Dis-nutty as I am - those are our tickets for the Disney bus to our hotel. The trip is finally seeming real.

We are now waiting for our BIG package with the luggage tags, vouchers, and all the fun stuff. That should be here by next Friday. I know it was printed on November 18. I promise not to stalk the mail lady. I immediately texted phil and Betsy to share my excitement. Scott is just along for the ride. HE says he will be excited when we get there until then "MEH"

Oh Well I am excited enough for all of us.

Airport

Do you know what I like about airports. Watching people reunite. We picked up my mother in law this afternoon at the Sacramento Airport. We were early because we had to stop and rent a car for the week. It is too difficult for her to get in and out of the back seat of our 2 door Ford Focus.

While we were at the airport it was so wonderful to see kids coming home from college rushing to hug their mom. We saw several soldiers come home. Grandma's and grandpas waiting not so patiently for their grandbabies to come down the escalator with the kids parents. It was funny to watch grandparents ignore their kids to give the grand kids hugs, kisses and presents. I even heard one grandma tell her son in law "sorry I forgot to hug you too." It made me smile.

I am thankful today to have seen the love of so many families today. I am also very thankful that I get the next week with Mary Lou.

IEP results

the IEP was today. the advocate ensured that Drew got some extra services that he needed. We get to go back to our old speech and OT people for a month until he starts back to school in January. They had assigned a home teacher but I refused him this afternoon. So they have to find another one. They were going to send a high school teacher who I am sure would have done well with Drew but he couldn't come until late afternoon - 5 or 6 PM. Not going to work since Drew's bedtime is 8. Not only that by that time of day Drew is not exactly in a cooperative mood. So after the holiday they will have to find another one.

We went and saw Harry Potter this evening. We had a good time. There were a few parts that I felt were a little unnecessary. The Harry and Hermione kiss didn't need to be nude. I am not a prude by any stretch but with all the kids in the audience I was a little uncomfortable. Drew felt ripped off because this was the first HP that did not have a happy ending. It was a good stopping point however.

We are all looking forward to Mary Lou's visit tomorrow. Drew is so excited to see his MEEMA. We are all grateful that she extended her visit. Thinking about going to Apple Hill on Tuesday - just have to see how things play out. Not wanting to plan a whole lot. Just spending time with ML is wonderful.

Next week will be time to start talking about our upcoming vacation. I have some great surprises for everyone. I can't wait to spend time with Betsy and Phil and enjoy our family. My friend Lori designed some great T Shirts for us. After the holiday I have got to get them made.

So much to do. So little time. But it will all get done - somehow.

day off

I still have lots to be thankful for but right now I am trying to finish a paper for my psych class. I have a 96 in the class and would love to get an A.

Also gearing up for the meeting with the school district tomorrow.

Rooster day

For as long as I can remember Drew has referred to Thanksgiving as Rooster Day. Not sure why but he has. Yesterday I told him that MEEMA (Scott's mom) would be here on Saturday. He was so excited that she would be here for Rooster Day. I explained to him that she was leaving on Rooster Day before lunch. He was very upset. I told him we would to a Thanksgiving dinner on Wed. I mentioned to ML Drew was disappointed she would not be here to celebrate Thanksgiving. She went online and changed her reservation to say an extra 3 days!!!!! We only get to see here twice a year so we are all thankful for the extra time.

I am so excited she is coming. Sunday we are going to brave the rain and cold to watch Scott race. At least it is at a winery who will be having a wine tasting and pizza to get us through. Not sure what else we are doing. She has offered to help pack but I would rather just spend time with her.

may be getting somewhere with school

Today I am thankful for the new program specialist that will be working with us to place Drew in the proper place in the public school system. She took the time yesterday to meet Drew and I at his favorite park. She wanted to observe him. She did get to witness a melt down which was nice. She has some good ideas on what is best for him and I agree with her on just about everything. We have the official IEP on Friday morning where everything will be decided.

They are offering at home tutoring until after the first of the year. Then he will be starting in an ED class with increasing time over several weeks so he can adjust. I think he will be placed in the 3rd/4th ED class since he is 8 but only in second grade. that way he can be there for several years and know the routine instead of going to one school for 5 months then changing next year.

After fighting the school district for 2 years it was refreshing to meet someone who appeared to have Drew's interest at heart.

What do I want for Christmas?

I want to come back from vacation and have everything in our current house moved to the new house. Otherwise we come back and immediately move to the new house and have to be out of here by Jan 15

WOW what an experience

We just spent the last 24 hours on the USS Hornet. It was an amazing experience. The history on that place. Scott is down loading pictures now. I will post them later. They had the dads and boys in one area and the moms in another. We ended us splitting the boys and moms due to boys being nervous. Scott stayed with Drew and about 75 of our group. I was with the mom's group and a few young kids.

We were up on the bridge, on the flight deck, in the boughs of the ship, ate in the mess area. We and about 400 other people had run of the ship for tours and lectures from5-11 and again this morning from 7 -930.

My friend Kristina did captures some orbs. If you look closely you can see what appears to be a face in one of them. I met a docent who told me of an incident that happened to him where he was coming out of a private room and had a glass thrown at him.

About 4 this morning our berthing area got very cold. One mom commented she felt a chill from the inside out like she had never felt before. about a half an hour later I felt someone push me from under neath my bunk. When I went to bed there was no one in the bunk under me. I looked over the side to see if one of the little kids and moved. There was no one there. Thought I was dreaming. Oh well back to sleep. It happened a second time. I woke up my friend in the bunk next to me and asked her who was under my bunk. She said no one. I didn't say anything at that point. Suddenly the kid on the bunk above my friend asked her to quit pushing his bunk.

I whispered to Kristina what was going on. We were both a little spooked. About 15 minutes later a cell phone alarm went off. This was the woman who complained about the cold. We had all turned off our phones because signal was so scarce we wanted to preserve batteries as well as not have them going off trying to get messages during the night. When we got up about an hour later 2 people on the other side of the room reported having the underside of their bunk pushed on as well - there was no one under them as well.

So I guess I did have my first encounter with a ghost. I wanted to see one - not be touched by one. Tomorrow I will talk about the history we saw. But I had to share my ghost experience.

I ain't afraid of no ghost!!!

I have always had an infatuation with the paranormal. I firmly believe there are trapped souls on earth for some reason. I am not sure of the reason why however. I was talking to Grandma Peggy yesterday telling her about our upcoming adventure and she commented how lucky we are to live in a area that has so much history and the ability to enjoy lots of weekend trips to enjoy the things this part of the country has to offer. We are 90 miles from mountains and 90 miles from the ocean. If we go 5-7 hours south we are in LA and I never thought I would have gone to Beverly Hills and Rodeo Drive but i have. Drew has asked to go to Lego Land for his birthday this year. I guess I better get on that.

We drop the dog off at 1 with our friend Julie and SKippy and her dog 'Nilla are having a sleep over. We are then headed to Alameda in the Bay area to spend the night on the USS Hornet. It is proclaimed to be one of the most haunted locations in the entire country. We are going with Drew's Scout pack. We are not telling the boys about the history but the several adults are very anxious for lights out at 11 so that we can have some fun. The adults have to take shifts keeping watch. I have been debating taking all night and sleeping tomorrow because I don't want to waste one minute on this experience. I have promised my friend Brooke that I will say a prayer of protection before we all board the ship. She hasn't like my last to attempts. But I promise that I will ask for protection for the boys and adults as I would in any event I would be chaperoning. I want us to all have a safe fun trip.

It is only 46 days until we hit the gates of magic kingdom for our 12 day family adventure. We let Betsy pick the first ride. she chose Dumbo. This is one ride that I have never experienced.

On another note I have finally gotten somewhere with the school district. It is amazing what a well worded letter using words like denying my son free and public education and sending them the bill for the private school of my choice becausey the were out of compliance, can do. I dropped that letter off at the district office at 1. At 2:15 I had a call from the head of the special ed department. by 323 it had been decided Monday afternoon Drew and I would meet with the program specialist at a park so we could talk and she could observe drew. IT was also decided that until all of the details of his placement could be worked out the district would provide a teacher coming the home to school work. They will see the real issues at that point. We see the specialist on Monday AM to start getting some answers.

Well off to buy a digital recorder for tonight. See everyone tomorrow.

November 12

Thankful for a husband who brings me coffee with just the right amount of creamer

thoughts for today

There are times in your life when you realize you are tired of the shit. You are tried of trying. You are tired of reaching out only to become a scapegoat for other peoples frustration. I have people in my life that I love, I have people that I like, I have people that are related by blood, I have people who are related by a bond stronger than blood.

There comes a time in everyone's life when they have evaluate what is truly important and who you are and what you are willing to put up. Life it too short for other people to bring un needed drama to your life.

I have a full life. A husband who loves me, an older son who is loving and caring, a future daughter in law that I can laugh with, and a young son who despite of ( or because of) his struggles is funny and loving and a bright spot in every day of my life. I am truly blessed.

I have a church family who is only a phone call away, who has helped me through many emergencies when no one else was around. I have a home school family who has held me while I cried dealing with the issues with Drew I have a special friend, who despite her disabilities, is always willing to listen and loves Drew unconditionally. She seems to understand him when no one else does. In Kansas I know of many friends that I could call on a moments notice that would drop everything and coming running to my aid - and I to theirs.

For a long time I avoided conflict with people because i didn't want to deal with the fall out that I knew was inevitable. Now I am not willing to deal with them because life is to short and God doesn't expect me to turn the other cheek forever. I have tried, I am tired and I am done.

And no this blog doesn't come down either.

November 10

My dad used to be my oldest son's best friend. When my mom was ill they were inseparable. They would fly Phil to St. Louis for weekends so he could maintain their wonderful relationship. One time my mom and dad took Phil shopping and bought him a very expensive sweater. I hit the roof. I didn't think a 13 year old needed a 300.00 sweater. I pitched such a fit they almost bought a second one just to prove something to me.

After mom died things changed. Dad moved on with his life and so did Phil. They went in different directions. Phil grew up into a man my father would be proud of. Phil misses his grandfather. My dad always says "if the phone isn't ringing it you know it isn't me" That is something else he taught Phil. My dad and Phil are very much like my paternal grandmother. They can both hold a grudge and never forgive. THey may even for get what the grudge is about but they if they are certain a person wronged them then Katie bar the door.

It has been very difficult on many of us that what was such a beautiful relationship has gone so sour. their relationship used to be like my grandmother's and mine. I knew no matter what she was there and would share all my special secrets. Phil and my dad haven't spoken in over a year - well except for a shouting match Father's day. Dad has never met Betsy. That makes me sad.

Today I am thankful for my wise son who realizes that my father is older and read me an email he is going to send to his grandfather. Like Phil says "babysteps are better than NO steps"

********To those that demand I take this down. NO this my blog and there is free speech. Nothing was meant to be inflammatory All I was saying was that I was thankful my son had reached an age where he realized his grandfather was getting older and wanted to right the wrongs between them before it was too late.

Hopefully they ( as well as others of us) will be able to repair relationships and move forward.

November 9

I look at the issues we are having with Drew and I get so frustrated. Then I watch the news and realize how blessed I truly am.

Enough said.

Something good

When I was growing up my dad used to wake up my sister and I by coming into our room and loudly proclaiming "SOMETHING GOOD IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY - YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND IT" It was always a positive way to start the day. It might be something small like some cute guy smiling at me or something important like an A on a paper. It was my dad's way of always making us learn that even in the chaos of the storm there was always something that could make a day special.

With all the chaos in my life right now - the waves are all around and I am sitting in the boat being still - remembering He is God. At the same time I am cognizant of the small things that make every day special.

today

today's thankfulness? This afternoon Scott took Drew to the train museum with Scouts and I got 3 hours to myself. It was so nice? What did I do? Well it was a raining all day so I had put a roast in the crock pot before church. I fell asleep to the smell of a roast cooking, fresh rain scent and the methodical raindrops falling on the slate roof. It felt so good. Skippy curled up next to me and the cat at the foot at the bed.

I was thankful when my boys arrived home safe and sound and we enjoyed a great dinner together.

back

The past few weeks have been very emotional in our house. We got a new diagnosis for Drew. They think we are looking at childhood onset bipolar. It does explain a lot of things. But to hear them actually say it was devastating. I cried for 2 days. But I realized it could be a lot worse and moved forward. However after 2 melt downs one that almost caused us to call 911 to have him admitted to the hospital several things became apparent. One I can no longer home school Andrew. That breaks my heart. Maybe in a couple years we will try again but now he needs the structure of a special class room. I just am unable at this time to give Drew what he needs to be successful.

Secondly, I realized how hard the last 3 years have been on me. We moved to ABQ, Phil was in a horrific wreck and had to have surgery. Then Scott had a perforated colon and 2 pulmonary embolisms. He survived 2 surgeries and recovered. Then as he was getting ready for his first bike race after that event he was hit by a car and had a broken collar bone. That didn't heal right and requires surgery 6 months later.

For the last 3 years I have focused on everyone but me. That is the way I am but now I am tired, hollow, empty, lonely, and just plain exhausted. I broke last night. I cried for 3 hours. It all just came out. I cried for all that had changed - as far back as my mom being sick, losing her and my grandparents, the changes in my dad, the relationship with my sister the list goes on. It was a mouring of sorts.

I have spent today pretty much on my bed doing home work, sleeping, thinking and just being by myself.

I started looking at random blogs and saw that many people were taking the month of November to blog daily about what they are thankful for. It got me to change my way of thinking. I should not be having a pity party so I resolve for the next month I will do just that. Everyday talk about something I am thankful for. God has blessed our family in so many ways. My husband is still alive, my son is about to graduate from college, my younger son can be managed with medication and lots of teaching by those more qualified than me.

A friend whose blog I follow annonomously had this song on her blog today. And I think it is a good place for me to start.

Cathy

Army of Women

My friend Elaine had a wonderful blog post and wanted to let everyone know about an amazing opportunity.

Have you been touched by breast cancer? In todays society it is hard not to find someone who does not have a story about being touched by breast cancer in someway shape or form. Whether is a mom, sister, aunt, friend, or themselves everyone is being touched by this disease in one way or another. My grandmother had breast cancer. My dear friend Mary recently beat the disease. Their courage and strengh were an inspiration to me.

My mom was sick for many years and she signed up for any study for her disease that came her way. She wanted others to benefit from what could be found through her and the disease she fought. It was also an inspiration to me as well.

For these reasons I am asking you, my readers, to give a little of your self to help fight breast cancer in a way you may not have thought about before.

Avon Army of Women is working with many medical studies to find a cure. Take 2 minutes and go to the website. It will give you a chance to sign up for studies you might qualify for. I currently do not qualify for any of the studies but as soon as one comes for that I meet the qualifications for I will sign on the dotted line.Occasionally you might get an email notifying you of new studies. If you qualify you can sign up a study that might just find the key that unlocks the door to curing a disease so that our future, daughters, sisters, aunts, friends won't have to fight and leave this world early.

Do this for those in your life touched by Breast Cancer, Do it for yourself.

Musicals

When I was a kid my parents made sure my sister and I were introduced to live theatre. We saw shows like ANNIE, La Cage Aux Folles (with Peter Marshall and Keane Curtis) They're Playing Our Song , Chorus Line, this list goes on and on. My sister LOVED Chorus Line so much that when it was bring your fave record to school that is what she brought. She tried to get the teacher to play Looks 10 Dance3 (better known as T&A).

My sister and I have carried this love of theater with us as we have grown in to women. I made sure that Phil saw live theater as a child. My sister once even gave us tickets to CATS so Phil could enjoy the experience. He actually named his cat MCCavity. Phil loved theater so much he took singing and acting lessons in high school and was in EVERY play Seabury did while he attended. As a Sr. he starred in Suessical as Horton. I am proud to say my son played a GREAT elephant. In some ways it doesn't seem like a stretch from his normal lumbering self.

I have put off taking Andrew to theater. I have been worried about his attention span. This fall I have us signed up to see 3 shows at the local children's theater. Scott is out of town, and I found this great TV channel I didn't know existed (guess that is what happens when you have 300 channels to choose from). So I declared it a junk food night and we are going to curl up in my bed and watch CATS on TV. I am hoping it keeps his attention. It is a start.

colds

Have you ever noticed that Colds come at the most inopportune time? Not like anyone wants to schedule when they have a cold but honestly they always seem to appear at the worst possible - most busy time for me.

Take the one I woke up with. Yesterday I felt out of sorts - kind of crabby and just not my self. I am usually such a ray of sunshine. If you believe that I have part of a bridge in Brooklyn to sell ya. Anyhow, in the middle of the night I woke up feeling achy and by morning I was sure my head was going to explode and Scott would be having to clean grey matter off the office walls.

My week? Tonight is the kickoff for the Scout Pack fundraiser. Who is to present it to the parents? ME! Tomorrow Drew has his tutor and his therapies and I have choir tomorrow night. We will see what happens. Friday is CHILL (our homeschool co - op.) I am supposed to teach. My co-teacher is away on a business trip. Then as soon as CHILL is over we are to head to Bodega Bay for a CHILL camping trip. IF we don't do that we are supposed to go to OctoberFest at church as well as the Bishop is coming for his visit on Sunday morning to church. Not to mention I have to teach Drew all week.

I checked the scheudle and I have tried to explain to this cold that 3 weeks from now would be better if it would like to rebook. I was met with a full on coughing attack. Guess this cold and I will not be seeing eye to eye and it is planning on sticking around a few days.

Saturday Morning

Well it is Saturday morning. Again. Scott and his friends are on a re-con ride getting ready for the GranFondo which is coming up in a few weeks. I am staring at a mound of laundry. But instead I think Drew and I will go get lunch and go to the library. And Skippy needs his nails cut, and the car needs washed, and I am sure I can find 10 other things to do besides the laundry. But it will be waiting for me no matter what. So I will get it started.

We are getting ready to start our next section of ancient history. We will be spending a month or so studying Ancient Egypt. I have some fun stuff planned. We are going to mummify a chicken. I will take pictures to help document this one.

CHILL has started up again. Yesterday was like the first day of school for our homeschoolers. There was such excitement in the air as everyone gathered. New students, old students, new and old moms - all with the mission of giving their kids one more outlet for learning. Drew is taking Spanish, Nutrition and Getting ready for Fort Ross. That is several posts in itself so stay tuned for our living/learning time at Ft. Ross. I am teaching ASL. I have a great group of kids. My co teacher is such a great funny lady she should be the head teacher because she can keep their attention better than me. But together we make a GREAT team. I swear if I could I would get her on Last Comic Standing. She would walk away with it all.

IF I had my way Drew and I would be spending the day at Disneyland. Too bad it is a 6 hour car trip. I wish it was closer. I would never get laundry done. I tried to convince Scott we needed to go again for Halloween but I was informed that Christmas in Florida was enough. HUMPH.

We are headed camping next weekend with our CHILL group. We are going to the sand dunes of Bodega Bay. The weather is supposed to be good. LASt camping trip of the year. We need to start thinking about where we want to go next summer so we can get it booked. People start booking campsites in February for the summer. So I need to pin Scott down on where we are going. WHAT AM I SAYING????? No one would believe I enjoy camping now. There is something totally different about camping in California.

well the laundry waits and drew is STARVING.

FTPD

C

Unit Studies

I think I may be getting the hang of this. This school year, so far is much better than the last. We are having fun. I am not nearly as uptight. I see lots of progress being made.

I attended a class a few weeks ago on unit studies. This used to be how school was taught. Most of the subjects were incorporated around a topic (writing, history, science, art, English). So I decided this year I would try my hand at using unit studies to teach Drew about the ancient civilizations. We just finished Mesopotamia and will start Ancient Egypt next week. When I was 8 I had no clue what the Fertile Crescent was let alone it was bordered by the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, Drew does and he can explain what a shaduf is and how it works. We learned that the Mesopotamians invented the wheel as well as the flush toilet (I thank them for both). We have learned about Cuniform and ziggurats. We have drawn pictures, colored maps, made puppets, discussed agriculture, roles of men and women. The list goes on. It has been LOADS of fun for both of us.

Today he started asking about where Dracula came from as well as Frankenstein, werewolves, why mummies were supposed to be scary. He already has Halloween on his mind. So it hit me. I home school! I can teach what I want! If it excites Drew then let's learn about it. We are going to take about 2 weeks close to Halloween and do a unit study on the myths and legends of Halloween.

We have the big trip in December that he doesn't know about. So, why not do a unit study on the life of Walt Disney and his vision? I actually have unit studies planned for the next 5 months. Maybe this will be one way to keep school going year round. In the summer we just do a couple unit studies.

We still do math and spelling most days but we have so much fun with these studies it is hard to get the other stuff in like we need to.

I found this video the other day and it sums up homeschooling so well. I was terrified at the beginning but my home school friends have helped so much. I have learned that every day there are opportunities to learn that don't involve a classroom. We embrace learning in a totally different hands on way. We now go camping, play dates, park days, museums, field trips to all sorts of places. We are going to Monterey Aquarium in November, Fort Ross in April. Drew will be taking Spanish, nutrition this semester with our local co-op. He is also taking a year long class to get us ready for Fort Ross and when we get back he will have to make a presentation board about what he learned. He has already picked his country for our International day.

I get really irritated at our pastors wife. She is a teacher and every time she sees Drew she asks him math questions, spelling questions, English (noun verb) questions. She is continually tell me that he is behind. UMM...NO he is not behind, he is where he needs to be for him. How may second graders do you know who can point to the Tigris River on a map and explain that is now an area in conflict? The math and spelling will come - heck Phil can't spell and he is about to graduate from college.

I guess what I am trying to say (getting off my soap box) is that while home school is not for everyone. For us it has been the best thing we CHOSE to do.

THAT day

9 years ago I was driving my son to school after a dentist appointment. We were listening to the radio when the announcer announced someone with really bad direction had flown a small aircraft into the World Trade Center. WOW that is crazy I thought. We kept driving. A few minutes later the announcer came back on and said - it happened again - another plane had hit the other tower and it was a commerical aircraft carrier. WOW that is even crazier. Phil asked me what it meant. I had no idea but I assured him (with the confidence that every mother has in moments like this) that everything would be all right and he was safe.

I got him to school and walked in and told the secretary something crazy was going on and she needed to find a radio. I explained what we had heard on the radio. At that moment all of her phone lines started ringing with concerned parents. I hugged Phil good bye and said I would see him after school. I remember calling Scott on my way home and telling him he needed to find a way to get some news. This was 9 years ago before constant, instantious internet news coverage.

I went home and turned on the TV. My sister called (or maybe I called her) we sat watching the TV trying to figure out what was going on. We were 60 miles away from each other and it was one time in our life that I truly felt close to her. Our parents were on the way to DC on vacation. They were driving. My cell rang and it was mom. Amie called Dad on her cell. One most of my vivid memories is my sister yelling "OH MY GOD it is going down" as the first building fell. We watched in horror connected by that phone at what was happening before eyes. We begged them to come home. Finally they realized this was major. They were driving and only had our accounts and the radio to go by. They did turn around and head for KC.

The other day I was talking to Phil about what he remembered. He recounted what happened as the school day continued. I remember fighting the urge to go get him and bring him home (that safe haven every parent feels about their house for their child). As Phil and I talked the other day it hit me. For his generation, this is the first "I remember where I was when...." they will have. He was the about the same age I was when I had my first one of those moments,John Lennon being shot. Somehow, now that memory doesn't compare to his first of those memories.

I remember that day, 9 years ago wondering about the world my child was growing up in. 9 months later we adopted Andrew. He doesn't remember a world where you don't have to take your shoes off at the airport, or packing all your liquids in your checked bags. This is the first year I have exposed him to what happened that day. I wanted him to maintain his belief that the world is inherently good as long as possible.

I pray for Phil, his generation has VERY few of the "I remember where I was..." moments. I hope for all of us there is never another day that causes such fear. But like my friend Allan said... If you give into the fear, you let them win.

On the move

Well it appears we are moving. No, not back to Kansas. (sad) Not back to Albuquerque either. We are moving about 6 miles from here. We will be downsizing BIG time. Fine by me. When we rented this house we anticipated that Phil would be moving to California at some point and we wanted him to have his own space. Well, obviously that is not happening.

So it is time to move. Our new house will be about the size of our house in Lawrence. Smaller backyard. Not sure what we will do with the pool or the trampoline. (getting rid of the trampoline will be hard. It was one of the last things my mom gave Drew - sentimental)

But the people who own it planted about 100 rose bushes. The owner hopes they are still surviving. He is concerned the current tenants have not taken care of things like they should have. That is why he likes us. We have taken care of our current house like it was ours. The owner has agreed to the dog and the cat. Not sure how Cavity will like the move. He is a pretty stubborn cat.

Not sure if the official move date is November 1 or December 1. I am hopeful it is November. Scott's mom is to come out for Thanksgiving and I would prefer to be in the new house so she doesn't have to navigate stairs or deal with everything being in boxes and my stress level during a move. Just have to see what happens.

bicyclists have families too

Scott has been gone for a couple weeks working in Albuquerque. He got home late last Thursday night and couldn't wait to get on his bike Friday morning and go for a long ride.

He came home pretty shaken up. While riding a white dully pulling a trailer actually slowed down and hit him in the back of the head with the side mirror. Then the truck kept trying to hit Scott with the side of the truck. Scott was finally forced into a ditch to get away from the 5 people in the truck. This is not the first time Scott has had a run in with a car. Not quite a year ago many will remember he was hit by a car and broke his collar bone. He is still recovering from that and the subsequent surgery.

Don't people realize that cyclists have families.People who love them - wives, kids, moms, dads, sisters, brothers. The roads are not owned by the cars. There are bike lanes for a reason. Sure there are some cyclists who do not obey the rules of the road but most cyclists are curtious, obey the rules. they bike for a variety of reasons, better for their health and enviroment, one car family. It this economy many cyclists can't afford gas for cars and choose to ride a bike as away to save money.

I cringe every time Scott goes out to ride. I always pause for a second and wonder if he will come back in once piece. Please remember that cyclists are motorists too but they don't have the 3000 pounds of metal surrounding them - the cars do.