We were driving to therapy the other day and he started asking about the difference between birth mom and mom. I explained that a birth mom is just that someone who gives birth to you BUT a mom is the one who takes care of you, stays up with you when you are sick, goes camping - even when camping is not her favorite thing, buys pet lizards and feeds them crickets even tho she hates both, cooks, cleans, reads, hugs, does homework, kisses scraped knees, puts up with Disney channel, and a million other things. He seemed to grasp that. we talked a little more about what I do as a mom. several times during the conversation I reiterated that his Birthmom did love him because she chose to give him to us because she knew she couldn't do all the things that we do. He said I know A***** loved me but it still hurts.....
WOW. I assured him that he is not alone in that. I told him it was OK to have those feelings. Many adopted people feel some hurt. It may not go away but how he chooses to deal with it is key. I can see how far his thought process on the adoption issue has come in a short time. All we can do is be as open and honest as we can be. That will get harder with time.
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