Monday, October 02, 2006

Day Two

Why do kids love shock value? Phil calls on my cell phone today and says he wants to fill out one more college application. The Air Force Academy. UH NO!!!! His health would keep him from it. He has asthma, a heart condition, plus possible Chrons. Not to mention ADD, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia and Executive Function Disorder and panic attacks. I told him we would talk tonight. Called the college counselor - he agreed that it wasn't a good match for Phil and would talk to him. Sometimes he just doesn't get what is not possible. I always want to encourage my kids but I just don't think this is possible. He is so much like is biological dad it is scary. I look at him and see Mike sometimes. They rarely have contact but he sounds like him and says some of Mike's catch phrases. I have to stop and pause and really wonder about Nature vs. Nurture. I would love to talk to Mike about it sometime but he refuses to talk to me. Like it is my fault he gave up his rights to Phil. It was actually a blessing because Phil got a normal life without being shuttled back and forth. But I know deep down Phil was crushed when Mike agreed to it. I can be in the same room with Mike at a school function and he looks right thru me. HELLLOOOOO!!!! We shared something once - the least you can do is say HI. Phil wanted out of that house so much because of Mike's wife. She doesn't have a maternal bone in her body. Phil feels so helpless when it comes to H(his half brother) and how she treats him. He wants to protect him and let him know what unconditinoal love is. B (Mikes wife) was raised when she did something wrong her mom withheld hugs and refused to speak to her. Phil worries that is the way H is being raised. Phil is a rescuer. He is like his mom (me) he wants everyone to be OK. It can't always be that way. It took me a long time to learn that. Hopefully it won't take him as long.

No comments: