I have to have some place to let it go and this is the only place I have so...
The past 2 years have sucked. Plain and simple. We have been moved twice, left everyone and everything we had known for the "good" of Scott's career and the company. Lost our house, our good credit, every thing we had worked for over the past 10 years. We had a good strong marriage but the past 2 years have taken a toll. His health problems over the past 7 months have been rough. He has hurt so much I can't imagine the pain he has been in. In some ways this surgery has been worse than the first in terms of recovery. I have asked more of him than i should. But sometimes I get tired of being the strong one.
for some reason my sister isn't speaking to me. I miss her. Heck I tried to talk to her one night because I was called to the hosptial and needed to talk to someone. she couldn't even pause a TV show to help me. My dad's wife hates me. My own father won't come see me. He talks about how my mom used to be hurt because her parents wouldn't come see them. Says it is too hard and they are too old. I know so many other people who have parents older than him who travel all the time to maintain a relationship with their kids and grandkids.
am I that bad of a person, am I that unloveable? What is wrong with me? I feel like such an outcast. I feel like nothing I do is right for anyone. Why do I try? Even a dog who gets kicked eventually stops going back but I still do. This is my family but I sure don't fee like I am a part of it anymore. I am hurting is so many ways. But no one cares.
