RIP Steven

I was laying in bed a little while ago feeling sorry for my self. (See tomorrows post for the big news). Scott and I are under a ton of stress right now. I made sure his mom had a wonderful Mother's day. We took her to brunch. I bought her a rose bush and cards from all of us. The only one who did anything for mother's day for me was aaron. I don't feel sorry for my self any more.

At the beginning of the school year a good friends told us he had melenoma and was undergoing treatment. In October, he told us it had metasized to his spine and liver. He was undergoing aggressive treatment. He was hopeful. In December, he told us the treatment wasn't working so they were changing courses. In February, he told us it had spread to his brain and liver. I hadn't seen him since.

Carolyn never calls me on the weekends. When the phone rang tonight and I saw it was her I thought it strange. She told me Steven had died today. Suddenly my day didn't seem so horrible. I thought about AnneMarie, Shawn and Karel. I prayed for them. I cried for them.

Steven was one of the gentlest people I knew. He was always quick with a warm smile and a friendly hello. He could talk about the weather or space aeronautics. He never had a mean word to say about anyone or anything. Even when his diagnosis was getting worse he always remained positive. Never letting his friends know how bad it really was getting. Steven will be missed. His passing has left a HUGE hole in the universe.

Rest in Peace Steven. May you hurt no more. The world was a brighter place because you were in it.

craziness and WOWs

It has been insane this week. We found out Wed. that we are being transferred to Albuqurque NM. Scott got his undergrad there and we both love it there so that is a good thing. The bad thing? Leaving our freinds, family, church, EVERYTHING we have known for 10 years behind. I was explaining to Drew he would make new friends - and at 4 he knew it "wouldn't be the same" My head is spinning. A relator is coming today. We have movers coming monday to give an estimate. I think we are looking at a 3 month time frame. IF we sell the house sooner. If not Scott will go ahead and Drew and I will stay until the house sells. I have applied to UNM to continue school. I think I have found a school for Drew. We gave Phil the option of coming. WE told him we would figure out how to pay out of state tuition for a year if he wanted to come. He said no. He felt God had a plan for him here. He has his Frat house, school, friends etc. That is hardest part of this. He chose to stay close to home and now his family is moving. I think he has been too busy with the last weeks of school and the musical to relaize what is happening.

Yes, 2 weeks and Phil will graduate. This weekend is the school musical. Phil plays Horton the Elephant in Seussical. All I can say is WOWOWOWOWOW I am one proud mom. He was amazing last night. He brought the house down. I was "busting" my buttons. He had 3 solo songs and I always knew he could sing but this was amazing. Hard to believe this is my little guy.

Faith trust and pixie dust
C

Looks like we made it.....

Today is Phil's 18th birthday. What an amazing ride we have had. I never dreamed that we would be where we are.

Phil was born by c-section after way too many hours of hard labor. He was amazing - but what new baby isn't. I left his biological dad when Phil was not quite 2. We moved to florida where my parents were living. After several false starts I got my act together and went to school and got a degree as a respiratory therapist. Once we moved back to the midwest our lives had some very big highs and soem very low lows. Highlights that I feel are important and some I know he would feel are important.

I met Scott (phil was 7), my mom got sick, my ex got remarried to a woman who hated Phil, I married Scott, Scott adopted Phil(Phil was 10), my grandfather died (Phil's best friend Phil was 12)) Phil started Seabury, we adopted Drew (Phil was 13),Phil is diagnosed with a heart condition, my mom got a lung transplant(Phil was 14), my mom died(Phil was 15), Phil got a car, Phil went to South Korea, Phil had his first serious girlfriend (Phil was 16) my dad got remarried(Phil was 17), Phil got a tattoo, First girlfriend broke up with Phil, Phil decides to go to Washburn, Phil joins a Frat, Phil turns 18. That brings us to today.

thru it all I have watched my little boy grow in to an amazing young man. He is very concious of others and is wise beyond his years. He can fight to save a homeless shelter one minute and then be ready to play football. he can build a tent and watch Bambi with him and then organize a group activity for 10 of his friends on a moments notice. He has a deep faith and belief in God that seems rare in a person his age. He has gotten me thru some very low moments because of his un wavering faith.

there was a song Shania Twain sang - "You're still the one." Phil was about 9 when it came out. We were going thru a rough time wiht my ex and his wife who was threatening to take Phil from us. When it would come on the radio Phil would sing this to me but he changed the words

Looks like we made it Look how far we've come my mommy We mighta took the long way We know we'll get there someday. Witch said, "I bet they'll never make it" But just look at us holding on, We're still together, still going strong. We'll beat the odds together I'm glad we didn't listen Look at what we would be missin' .

I wouldn't have missed a minute of this ride with my son. It has beeen amazing. I can't wait to see what Phil does in the next stage of his life. I will be watching with great amazement at what he accomplishes.

Yes Phil it does look like we made it but always remember
I'll love you forever
I'll Like you for always
As long as I am living
(No matter how fuzzy your face)
My baby you'll be.

May you Always have
Faith, Trust and Pixie Dust
Love
Mom