Spur of the moment

It was a spur of the moment decision. A chance to make a memory and I jumped on it. We had been hearing for days about the space shuttle Endeavor heading to LA to become part of museum. But first it was going to grace the northern California sky. It was to fly over the capitol at 930 this morning. I was literally getting Drew out the door to head to school when the enormity of the event overtook me. I sent Scott a message that we were headed down town. Called Drew's teacher and told her he would be late. So we loaded up. We got downtown about 815 and heard on the radio that the shuttle had just left Edwards AFB and was headed toward us. I managed to find some 1 hour parking and hoped I would not have a ticket when we got back. There were people scattered around the back of the capitol and Drew and I took up spots. I chatted and Drew ran off to check out the turtles and fish in a nearby pond with other kids.

Here is Drew waiting. about 915 people started coming out of office buildings and waiting. One lady was talking to her husband who was on a near by roof top. 930 We heard the shuttle was flying over Stockton 937 it was over Highway 99 in Elk Grove HERE IT COMES!!!! I was so focused on making sure Drew saw it I forgot to take pictures. OOPS. We saw it momentarily before it disappeared behind the other side of the Capitol. WHAT A GYP! Would it come back? The crowd starting disperrsing. We waited. And were rewarded. The pilot flew back over our side. It was huge - but I was shocked at how small it was. Once again I forgot to snap a picture. I was in awe of this incredible machine that had orbited the Earth 4671 times, went on 25 missions, traveled almost 123,000,000 miles, spent 296 days, 3 hours, 34 minutes, 2 seconds in space, and docked with the International Space Station 12 times and MIR once.

This is what we saw the first time it passed by  Pictures courtesy of KCRA.

We were here somewhere.

This is what we saw the second time.

It was memorable and to share it with Drew was wonderful.

so you want to be a travel agent....

I decided I wanted to have my own home based business as a travel agent. I have wanted it for a long time. I actually wanted it 25 years ago but wasn't at a point I could be a travel agent then.  So I decided it was time.  I knew there were rules and laws and fees to pay.  What I didn't realize is what a racket the state of California makes it to do this.  Actually this is for any business but travel consultants have EXTRA hoops to jump through.

I started researching. Here is what i found.

First fee I found was at the California Insurance commission.  Yes you read that correctly.  INSURANCE COMMISSION.  Because I offer travel insurance I have to pay a fee to register there.  PLUS I have to be fingerprinted for the California Department of Justice as well as the FBI.  So there is another fee.  BUT since I don't have to take an insurance test of any kind i have to go to a LIVE SCAN place like UPS to have my prints done.  Another fee.

Then I keep researching and find I have to have a Seller of Travel license from the Attorney General.  OK this one I understand.  10 page application plus a fee.  As I am filling it out I discover the HIDDEN FEES.

There is a large one time fee to pay into the Travel Consumer Restitution Corp.  This is a Corporation that refunds travelers who fall for the if it seems to be good to be true vacation schemes. Haven't figured it out exactly but it sounds like they had a great lobbying group behind them. I can't turn in my Seller of Travel request with out that number.

Then as I go further in the SoT I find I have to have a trust account in my business name. So I call the bank.  They tell me I need proof that I am a registered DBA before they can open any business account.  Back to Google.  In California it is not called DBA it is called Fictitious Business name.  Great how do I do that?  You guessed it yet another fee.  So Drew and I head down to the Department of Finance to pay the fee.  Guess what not only do you  have to pay a fee for that THEN you have to run an ad in a newspaper for 4 weeks to show the DBA and make sure no one else has it registered - you guessed it another fee to run the ad.

While I am there, the lady tells me I need to file for a business license even for a home based business. According to what I have read a business license is to cover things like street maintenance and wear and tear on sidewalks from customers - as a home based business I won't have that.  But guess what I have to have the license anyway.  I have a couple weeks to get that one turned it. It can wait.

Back to the trust account.  Off to the bank I go.  I explain the situation to them that even tho I don't accept checks and there is no cash in my business (except my commissions - which go into yet another account) the state of California requires me to have an account just in case someone writes me a check even tho I don't take checks and am basically a middle man. Someone gives me a CC # to give to a travel company and I never see that money. BUT I have to have an account that has the word TRUST in it that I can never ever touch. That account number and bank have to be on the SoT application as well.  Are you following that one? Thank Goodness for the patience of my Wells Fargo Banker who helped me figure out how to do this for the least amount of money.

Oh yea and then there is the fee to belong to the OSSN which is similar to IATA and CLIA so I can get a travel number so I can do business.  (that fee I understand)

Per the state I can't do business until everything is approved and set to go.  So on all my forms I put September 1 as my start date. It can't get here soon enough so I can start making some of the fees back.

It will be worth it in the end but WOW California you could make it a tad easier!

Where were You

Our Church kicked off a new service tonight.  It is a very laid back easy service.  Come from whatever you are doing and share your day type of service.

I remember on September 11, 2001 everyone asking where was God?  Why would a loving God let this happen to innocent people?  It is something I struggled with for quite a while.  I was new on my faith journey and had recently lost my grandfather and knew my mom might not live much longer.  It was a rough time in my life.

Here is what I wrote last year That Day  My memories of that day.

My friend Julie who led the service tonight confirmed what I felt about that day and where God was that day.

Listen to Meet me in the Stairwell.  Even if you don't believe in the same God that I do, I hope you believe that they were met with peace and love.

new direction

Hello my readers.  Life certainly throws us some doozies doesn't it.  I am finally taking stock in what is going on and where I want to go.  In addition to using this blog to update people about what is going on in the Anderson household I am working with a couple companies to start having giveaways and increase my readership.  We all know how entertaining my family can be.  But things are a changing and I am realizing it is time I step up and do what I love.  And that is write.  I want to be able to give reviews of products I love so you can find out about them as well.  Hopefully the two sites I have contacted will feel this little old blog is worthy of some new blood and I can bring some new ideas to you.

I promise to get here more often and let you know what is going on in the Anderson household.  Now that Drew is back in school, and Phil is finishing up college and getting married it is time for me to pursue what I want to do.

Cathy

Who would you visit?

I have been very nostalgic for family and friends who have gone before me. This song resonates very deeply. If Heaven Weren't so Far Away who would you want to see and what would you do?

Me? I would want to dance on the daisies with my mom, make fudge with my mooma, rub my poopa's little bald head, and just hug my aunt Doris.

adoption and other stuff

It has been an interesting week around here. Drew and I have some real heart to hearts. We are seeing more normal 9 year old mischief. YIPEEE!!!! He tried to juggle - with rocks and broke a porch light. He is riding is bike without training wheels and is starting to build ramps to jump off of. Yesterday is my favorite. He put on is army camo jacket and hat, took brown acrylic paint and painted his face and climbed a tree to see how well camo techniques really worked. They did. I was so busy trying to get dried acrylic paint off his face I forgot to get a picture. his therapist is wanting us to attempt to put him a regular class room next year for 2 hours a day 2 days a week. That is HUGE!!!! He is about to graduate from OT. He is trying new foods on a daily basis. Another HUGE!!!!!

We were driving to therapy the other day and he started asking about the difference between birth mom and mom. I explained that a birth mom is just that someone who gives birth to you BUT a mom is the one who takes care of you, stays up with you when you are sick, goes camping - even when camping is not her favorite thing, buys pet lizards and feeds them crickets even tho she hates both, cooks, cleans, reads, hugs, does homework, kisses scraped knees, puts up with Disney channel, and a million other things. He seemed to grasp that. we talked a little more about what I do as a mom. several times during the conversation I reiterated that his Birthmom did love him because she chose to give him to us because she knew she couldn't do all the things that we do. He said I know A***** loved me but it still hurts.....

WOW. I assured him that he is not alone in that. I told him it was OK to have those feelings. Many adopted people feel some hurt. It may not go away but how he chooses to deal with it is key. I can see how far his thought process on the adoption issue has come in a short time. All we can do is be as open and honest as we can be. That will get harder with time.

I AM

I look around and feel off balance in my life. I look around at everything we HAVE and it doesn't feel right. Why do I need 2 boxes of yarn? Why do I need 4 TV's. There are only 3 of us. We have as many computers as people this house. I am feeling bogged down by all the STUFF that we feel we have to have. I look back at the small house we had in Kansas - it wasn't that small it was 2200 square feet. I wanted more. Now I want to get rid of so much of it. I am tired of stuff. I feel like there has to be more than stuff.

Why do humans always want more? I have jackets I haven't worn in years but I don't get rid of them because some day I MIGHT need one of them. I look at my youngest and I am realizing I am setting a bad example for him. I lost my cell phone and after not finding it in 4 days I had to go buy a new one. I didn't need it. Drew found my phone a couple days later. I am part of the NOW generation. I never WANT for anything. If I want something I go buy it. I am realizing that is not the way to live.

As I have lived in California for the past few years I have realized that so many people have a sense of entitlement. I am one of them. I want to be someone who sets a different example for the world. I don't know how I am going to do it but there is a path I feel I am being called to walk and changing my thinking my step is the first step. Wanna walk with me?

Go to the Oprah site and watch and read about Tom Shadyak and who he was and who he has become. Also learn about what 3 guys have done in Uguanda for the invisible children. After reflecting on how I want to live my life and know I am not fulfilled and it is time to make the changes and follow my hearts desire and give back to this glorious Earth.

65

Yesterday, my mom would have been 65 years old. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her at least briefly. I think anyone who has lost a parent does.

I wasn't sad yesterday, just kind of melancholy. I spent a lot of time thinking about how I would have marked her 65th birthday.

As Scott was leaving for Vestry last night I looked at him and said "She would have been 65 today" HE hugged me and said he saw my tweet and knew she had been on my mind.

Andrew was standing there and asked who was 65. I told him that his Grammy would have been 65 if she was still alive. He said "well she still is 65 today. Just because someone dies doesn't mean that people can't celebrate."

At that point he said " where is the cake and candles?" Scott went to Vestry and Drew and I had a cupcake to celebrate my mom.

Like my friend Elaine said "sometimes it just takes a kids perspective" I think Drew just started a new family tradition.

I don't remember much

I know many of you have seen posts on FB as well as here that my dad was here for a week babysitting me. Here is what happened

I went in for my lumbar puncture as planned - however the aftermath was totally unplanned. The lumbar puncture went fine but when I was in observation afterwards is very fuzzy. I remember them telling Scott that I had to wait 2 hours in observation because of being prone to migraines. I remember telling Scott I was getting the worst migraine ever. I remember someone loading me in to the car and being rushed 2 blocks to the hospital. I remember a really nice security guard staying with me while Scott parked the car. I remember after sitting in a wheelchair for a while Scott grabbing a nurse and telling him that I had had a lumbar puncture and I had to be laying down. Then I was on a gurney in a hallway.

I was eventually put in a ER room. At some point some point I got an IV. No clue when. I got a CT scan to check for a stroke - no clue when. I lost the ability to swallow. Remember a nice nurse taking the water from me when I started choking. I was admitted to the hosptial. Scott knew I could not stay alone with Drew for a week - heck we didn't know when I was going to get out of the hosptial. SCott had to go to Dallas on business that could not be postponed in anyway. The government doesn't put off meetings.

He called his mom first but she couldn't get out here till Tuesday. So SCott called my dad. The next thing I remember being told that Dad was coming to stay and take care of me. Thanks to Andrea for arraging everything and sacrificing a week with out dad during the rainy season and the crack in the wall. Thanks to Mary Lou for not being able to come.

What I do remember is having the best week of my life with my dad. It was the most wonderful theraputic week. Lots of talking laughing crying loving healing. What we both needed.
Dad met my friends, went to Dr.appts, pack meeting, knitting group, DRew's OT and speech and so many other little things. IT meant the world to me.

We see a new neurologist on Wed. We now have more questions then answers. No one can explain what happened after my puncture. It was scary. I have so many holes in my memories but I think that is probably a good thing. But not as good as having my dad to myself for a week.

thought for the day

The road of life has so many twists and turns and obstacles, it is good to have family and friends to help us navigate the difficult ones and celebrate the good ones.

Saturday AGAIN

It seems that Saturdays have gotten into a routine around here. Scott goes for an early ride in Folsom with friends, Drew and I hang out, me on the computer, and Drew watching TV and playing. Pretty content if you ask me.

I remember when I was a kid Saturday mornings were crazy. I had gymnastics, Amie had Basketball, mom had to go to the grocery store and get other errands done. We had to get the house picked up from a week of living. They were fun times looking back. Usually Amie and I had one parent to our selves for part of the day and I always enjoyed the conversation with which ever parent I was lucky enough to spend the time with. I am sure my sister felt the same way as well.

Monday is the BIG day for me. Scott is taking me to the DR. for the last of my tests (I hope) and then I will get some kind of Diagnosis (I hope) and a treatment plan. I am scared of what the doctor might say but at the same time it will be nice to know what in the HELL is going on with me.

When Phil was born I refused an epidural because I couldn't stand the thought of a needle in my back. So I opted for a C-section. Thursday I told Scott I would gladly let them give me an epidural if it would stop the pain in my legs.

Scott is sending me home for a week. I come in April 27 and spend 2 nights with my dad and Andrea. I am really looking forward to it. Dad and I get a day together and that will be fun. Then I head for Lawrence for a 3 hour coffee with Carolyn. that same day there is a mini reunion in Topeka at Huhot for anyone that wants to attend. If you want to come let me know and I will send you the info. I am spending time with Phil and Betsy as well. The main reason for this trip is May 3. That is Phil's 22 birthday. I haven't spent a birthday with him since he turned 18. We are spending the day in Lawrence. We have something very special planned and I am honored that he would want to include me. We plan to go to Seabury and see his old teachers and my old friends. We are going to stop by my old stitch group so I can see some of them and then our special adventure. My sister would be good on this mission. she has wonderful taste. Then lunch at Pachamama's if I have my way. I miss my kid. I want to spend this time with him the same way my dad wants to spend time with me. It took me a long time (I am a little thick headed sometimes) but I get it now and to spend time with two of my favorite men has me very excited to make memories with both of them.

Canes

I wanted a cane that wasn't an old person cane. You know that aluminum/gray one that old women carry. I didn't want that. I am only 43 facing a real bum diagnosis. I can deal with it. From what I can tell it is not a death sentence it is just a life changer - God telling me "Hey time for you to realize you are not in control and you have got to trust and put your Faith in ME." HE will hold me in his hands through this and no matter the outcome He will have my back.

Back to my cane story. I decided that I wanted FUN canes. Canes with personality like me. Quirky, fun, mischievous, daring, happy.... I found a really cool website where I plan on ordering 3 canes from. One is black with flames - like House carries. One is a quad cane that is blue with the moon and stars painted on it. The third is pearlized purple with rhinestones. Due to a monetary slip up. I over paid a bill by 2000.00 and am currently waiting for the refund I can't order them yet.

But I went to CVS and got 2 canes. One is covered in pink roses and the other is brown and black checked. I may go back and see if they can order me one other one I liked but they were out of it at the time.

I have come to the conclusions canes are like purses - you can never have too many.

proud owner of....

My doctor today gave me 3 things. A script for a cane to help with balance, the signed forms for me to go stand in line at the DMV to get a handicap parking pass and an actual appointment time with a specialist to figure out what is wrong with me. It is the end of March but that is better than not having one at all. This specialist picks and chooses his patients based on case history. So him agreeing to take me is the first step.

I know I am facing a lumbar puncture, another MRI, nerve biopsies and who knows what else. My doc thinks he has an idea what this is. I am not a fan of what I have read of his possible diagnosis. Chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy. At this point it is just a guess.

It is hard to describe the sensation I feel at times. My arms feel numb and my legs feel like they are being tazed. at times it is an all over feeling of tingling like right now. Like there is a low voltage current running through me. I won't lie I am scared. I know there are treatments to put this in remission.

Just like everything else, God knew me before I was born and picked the path I was to travel. I may not understand why it is but it just is.

haven't been around

Sorry I haven't been keeping up with my blogging duties. I have many things to talk about but I am finding out people are reading my blog and then using things I say against me within my family. So I have decided to focus on things that don't have to do with my personal life that people can mistrue and get defensive about. That makes me sad because I always felt like this was a safe place for me to talk and if family chose to read it they would realize this was my avenue to vent and talk and exercise my right of free speech, and be myself but I am quite tired of the toxicity within my family right now. Some times family can be as toxic as trying to be perfect. I am tired of people who claim to know me trying to change me. Telling me how to act, how to be what they want me to be, how I was a disappointment to them, that they know more than me on every subject whether they honestly do. But to try and advice them is like entering the center of a hurricane and I become the worst person on earth.

Therefor while I will continue to talk about my kids, becoming Gluten Free, vacations, etc. My private life info is going to be off limits because I have found that I am honestly not free to be me. Censorship is a bad thing It is sad that "family" tends to judge the harshest even when they have no clue what is actually going on in my life. Judgement is not love but then I really wonder what family love and support look like these days.

my motto for the year.

It's a toxic desire to try to be perfect," she says. "I realized later in life that the challenge is not to be perfect. It's to be whole."

Jane Fonda is not one of my favorite people. However, I watched Oprah a few weeks ago and heard Jane say this. It really struck me. As a girl growing up there were expectations on us. Not the same ones from our mother's generation. We were told we were to go to college and get a degree and have a career before family. I messed that one up. I had no real drive when I was in the years 18-23. I got married to escape what I thought at the time was a horrible home life - looking back it was much better than I gave it credit for. I didn't rebel in high school I rebelled later. I got married, had a baby, got divorced, moved in with my parents, got my act together, graduated from Jr. College. Got a job got remarried. Adopted a baby, moved twice because of my husbands job and am now settled in Sacramento California.

There has been lots of reflection on my life in the past few months. Facing MS (and it has not been ruled out), my son entering a new part of his life, giving up homeschooling for something that drew needs. My life has been in constant flux for years.

What Jane Fonda said resonated with me. My whole life I have been trying to be perfect, perfect daughter, perfect friend perfect mom, perfect wife,perfect housekeeper, being the perfect everything to everyone. God knows I was not perfect at any of them. Most I failed miserably at in my younger days.

I was/am so busy trying to be everything to so many people that I have forgotten about me. This year I am going to find out what makes me me and make myself whole. I don't know what that will involve but I know there will be more reflection on what I enjoy, what I am good at, my relationships and which I feel are worth my time and energy. Do I do things because I other people enjoy them and I want to make them happy or am I doing something that full fills me? Am I in school for me or to full full some sort of dream others have so I don't disappoint people any more. I am not sure what "complete" means. That is the question. Stay tuned to find out the answer.

not yet

Yes I know you are all dying for the Disney stuff but you have to wait a few more days. I need a couple days to reflect on other things.

Today Drew went back to brick and mortar school. He loved it. I think he liked the social aspect quite a bit. That was the BIGGEST concern I had about home schooling in the first place. We joined several HS groups but he needed more socialization opportunities.

With his learning issues and anxiety issues he is in a self contained classroom with 8 other kids, a teacher and 3 aides. The plan is to begin to main stream him next year.

It was strange not having Drew around today. I did get lots accomplished. All the Christmas stuff is packed away, Scott and I moved offices, and I got a power nap. It was also very quiet with out him around. I never realized what a large presence he was. Scott and I have decided that Drew will still participate in some HS activities such as International Day, Gold Rush Days, weekend HS trips and our camping trips. That way he can have the best of both worlds.

I still hope to find a way to do Story of the World with him. It is an awesome history series that we both enjoy. I also want to set up a website and have us track Flat Stanley/Stella around the world.

This was one of the most difficult decisions I have made in parenting. I know for now it is where Drew needs to be. I loved our HS time and can't wait for the day we can resume it.

mom

There are lots of days I miss my mom and grandparents, today is one of two that I miss my mom it hurts like it was yesterday that she passed away.

Christmas was my mom's holiday. To her it meant family, love, time together, to be thankful for all we had. It just doesn't feel like Christmas. Living in California is hard during the holidays. It is not cold, there is no snow, there is no family except the three of us. This year it is worse because Phil is not here.

When I was a kid, we would always spend Christmas Eve going out to dinner with our grandparents. Some times if the weather was bad we would order pizza. Several years mom would boil shrimp and we would have a feast. Then back to our house to open Christmas presents from each other. My dad always called it conspicuous consumption. It usually did look like a wrapping paper factory threw up when the chaos was over. After we went to bed, Santa would come. After waking mom and dad up at ugly early and checking out the loot, mom and dad would go back to bed. When they were finally up there was flurry of activity as mom started cooking Christmas dinner. My grandparents would come over and some years my dad's other relatives from Hiawatha would join us. My dad was a firm believer that kids needed to be in their own environment during Christmas because it was a such a confusing chaotic time for them and being in their own home allowed some sense of normal routine.

I have tried to recreate the Christmas of years past. I have realized that is not possible. I can never be my mom. All I can do is remind my children of the meaning of family and when all else fails all we have is each other.

As we got older my mom became more of a Christmas fanatic. It would take a weekend to put up and decorate the tree. My parents best friends the Hazlett's would trek to Kansas city the day ofter Thanksgiving and start the process. I know there was one year that dad and Allan held the tree up while mom and Peggy rushed out to get fishing wire to string up the top part of the tree. I always felt safe and warm during Christmas. While we didn't do lots of baking and such, it was still my family and my traditions. I miss my family in Kansas. I wish many things could be different. I wish the closeness of the holidays was still present in all of us. I cherish those memories of Christmas' past. Sometimes I feel like it is all I have left.

Busy busy

Well the district finally got a home teacher here. tonight she was late. So Drew only had 45 minutes of class time.

I heard back from the State Dept of Education. They are launching an immediate investigation against the district on 6 violations.

Our trip is rapidly approaching. 21 days from right now we should have landed in Orlando and waiting for Phil and Betsy to get there. 22 days from now we should be watching the fireworks from the lagoon on the Pirate and Pals cruise. 23 days from now we will be walking through the Osborne lights at DHS and waiting for New Years. 24 days from now we will have finished the Animal Kingdom park and we will be having dinner at Hoop De Doo Review. Not that I am counting or anything.

Phil and Betsy keep telling me they will be excited after next week. Finals will be over and they will have a life again. If they only knew what not having a life was....

There are so many little things in life that are good. A few not so good but when I look around at everything that others deal with I realize my life ain't so bad. I remind my self every day of the good things in my life -

Remember something good is going to happen to you today - you just have to go find it - what happened to you today?

Putting thankfulness into action

It hit me this morning during church that for the past month everyone has been blogging about what they are thankful for OR putting it on facebook. I decided I wanted to start a December movement.

It is time to put our thankfulness into action. I challenge everyone who reads my blog to do the following, challenge your readers. Post what you do here and have your readers do the same on your page.

Do something for a stranger everyday in December. It doesn't have to cost money. Let someone with fewer items go ahead of you in the grocery store or post office, help an elderly person get a cart at the store, put a quarter in a meter that you notice is about to expire, let a car into traffic ahead of you. The list is endless. The power of blogging and Facebook is amazing imagine what a wonderful holiday season it would be if we each took 3 minutes each day and made a stranger smile.

Reality check

I know my son has grown up. I have been aware of that for a long long time. I knew it the day we left him in Kansas and moved to ABQ. I knew it the day he started talking about joining the military and there was nothing I could do. He didn't enlist for medical reasons. I knew it the day he told me he thought he had met THE ONE.

This weekend I had the biggest reality check yet. This is the first holiday in a long time that Phil has not been with us. If for some reason he was not with us he was with Mike's family.

This year was different. He was with THE ONE's family. He went in on Thanksgiving morning, spent the night. Yesterday, the helped Betsy's brother move then he and Betsy spent the afternoon on the plaza, ice skating and watched the Crown Center tree lighting. They woke up this morning and went to Topeka to spend the day with Mike's family. Then back to KC to spend the night. Tomorrow, they get up early and go get a tree and he will for the first time help another family kick off the holiday season.

It hit me while we will always be family I have to share him now. There are 2 families in his life now. I don't mean it in a bad way, it just hit me that once again he is entering a new period of his life. Change is the only constant in this world and with kids that change seems to happen more and more as they grow up.