shopping

Well I finished my Christma shopping today. My friend Lori and I have begun a tradition (we are in our second year) of taking a day going out for Chinese lunch and then finishing up our shopping. More than anything it is a day just to hang out and talk. We wander thru the stores and finish stocking stuffers and a few impulse buys for the kids. What is Christmas with out impulse buys?

On the Disney front: today 2 of our packages of luggage tags showed up today. Waiting on 2 more. I will say Disney is great about allergies. I sent an email about Drew's peanut allergy. I was mainly concerned about our Pirate and Pal Cruise the first night - lots of peanut type snacks cracker jacks, peanut butter cookies etc. within 3 hours I had an email back from the coordinator of the Cruise. He wanted out our confirmation number and what night we were attending. I was assured that they would make sure there were snacks that Drew could eat - even if they have to bring in special food for him. That is amazing.

Remember something good is going to happen to you today - you jut have to find it.

Cathy

Reality check

I know my son has grown up. I have been aware of that for a long long time. I knew it the day we left him in Kansas and moved to ABQ. I knew it the day he started talking about joining the military and there was nothing I could do. He didn't enlist for medical reasons. I knew it the day he told me he thought he had met THE ONE.

This weekend I had the biggest reality check yet. This is the first holiday in a long time that Phil has not been with us. If for some reason he was not with us he was with Mike's family.

This year was different. He was with THE ONE's family. He went in on Thanksgiving morning, spent the night. Yesterday, the helped Betsy's brother move then he and Betsy spent the afternoon on the plaza, ice skating and watched the Crown Center tree lighting. They woke up this morning and went to Topeka to spend the day with Mike's family. Then back to KC to spend the night. Tomorrow, they get up early and go get a tree and he will for the first time help another family kick off the holiday season.

It hit me while we will always be family I have to share him now. There are 2 families in his life now. I don't mean it in a bad way, it just hit me that once again he is entering a new period of his life. Change is the only constant in this world and with kids that change seems to happen more and more as they grow up.

back

The past few weeks have been very emotional in our house. We got a new diagnosis for Drew. They think we are looking at childhood onset bipolar. It does explain a lot of things. But to hear them actually say it was devastating. I cried for 2 days. But I realized it could be a lot worse and moved forward. However after 2 melt downs one that almost caused us to call 911 to have him admitted to the hospital several things became apparent. One I can no longer home school Andrew. That breaks my heart. Maybe in a couple years we will try again but now he needs the structure of a special class room. I just am unable at this time to give Drew what he needs to be successful.

Secondly, I realized how hard the last 3 years have been on me. We moved to ABQ, Phil was in a horrific wreck and had to have surgery. Then Scott had a perforated colon and 2 pulmonary embolisms. He survived 2 surgeries and recovered. Then as he was getting ready for his first bike race after that event he was hit by a car and had a broken collar bone. That didn't heal right and requires surgery 6 months later.

For the last 3 years I have focused on everyone but me. That is the way I am but now I am tired, hollow, empty, lonely, and just plain exhausted. I broke last night. I cried for 3 hours. It all just came out. I cried for all that had changed - as far back as my mom being sick, losing her and my grandparents, the changes in my dad, the relationship with my sister the list goes on. It was a mouring of sorts.

I have spent today pretty much on my bed doing home work, sleeping, thinking and just being by myself.

I started looking at random blogs and saw that many people were taking the month of November to blog daily about what they are thankful for. It got me to change my way of thinking. I should not be having a pity party so I resolve for the next month I will do just that. Everyday talk about something I am thankful for. God has blessed our family in so many ways. My husband is still alive, my son is about to graduate from college, my younger son can be managed with medication and lots of teaching by those more qualified than me.

A friend whose blog I follow annonomously had this song on her blog today. And I think it is a good place for me to start.

Cathy

Scott finally gave up - or I won depending on whose view you take.

When Scott and I first got married he didn't understand my love of Christmas. He has gotten better about going along. He has steadfastly refused to allow anything to go up before the Friday after Thanksgiving but this year....

I have been itching for a bit of Christmas cheer. I teased my friend Sarah (check out Dukes of Lawrence blog) that she had her tree up. Then my friend Anna who owns my fave yarn shop here in Sacramento told me here tree was up. I posed the question WHY?!?!?! to both women and Sarah said "because Christmas lives in her heart year round and there is no reason not to celebrate as long as possible" Anna was a little more down to earth in her response of "it just seems silly to go to all that work just to take it down in 3 weeks." They are both right. So today....

I got the mantle decorated. It is the first time I had a mantle to hand our Christmas stocking on. Pictures will be posted soon. I have the Christmas boxes out and have been sorting thru them. WOW I have lots of stuff. I know I am missing some boxes that are at Mary Lou's. Drew has been checking out the new Advent calendar. He is ready for the countdown to begin.

Part of me wanted to wait till Phil got here December 12. But I realized that was not fair to Drew. He needs the traditions carried on. Phil had his years and now it is Drew's turn. Phil is thankful not to be here this year for the decorating and is happy to pass on the responsibility to Drew. So this year Phil will not get the joy of putting it all but but he will get the task of taking it all down.

Hey you win some, you lose some. Sorry boys.

Lay a way

Well it is that time of year again. time to start thinking of Christmas shopping. I used to use Walmart for lay a way. For the simple fact that I could "hide" the presents there until right before the holidays. It made it very easy to keep prying eyes away from things. I was very very upset when Walmart stopped this practice. it was the main reason they got my holiday money.

I thought with the economy the way it is that Walmart would reinstitue their lay away plan. I was wrong. I emailed them and was told that it was not on their long term goals to do layaway.

Then last night I found out another chain has lay away. good old blue light special Kmart. I am headed there today to put Drew's presents on lay away. I think Walmart is really missing an opportunity. But I never liked the evil giant anyway. I haven't been to a Kmart in years. I am more than willing to spend my Christmas dollars there.

Phil is rearrangign his plans for the holidays. He has decided to come to California in December. This illness with his dad has made him really homesick. He plans on coming mid December - right after finals. He will be here about a month. I am thrilled. I know he wanted to spend the holidays with the Stevens clan but he says he sees them all the time and needs a hug from good ole mom. I am still holding out hope that Yoo Sung is able to come as well.

Scott is doing well. He came to the breakfast table this morning. I think he will be back at work paqrt time this week. Working from home. he is really nervous about going back full time - esp the ostomy.

I just finished filling out my ballot for the election. mailing it in a few mintues.

Please keep our friends the Gaumer family in your prayers. Rex had a stroke this week and now looks like he has a PE and may not survive.

Thanks
FTPD
Cathy

This is for the Birds

Husbands and kids have the holidays easy. We cook, clean, shop, wrap, in addition to our normal stuff. MY MIL and son are due in an hour from Kansas. So I am headed to pick them up at the train station. My washer broke last week and they were to be here at 1 today to fix it. Still not here. Scott had to come home to work from here to wait for the repair man so I can go get the relatives.

I love Christmas. My mom instilled in me a deep sense of family during the holidays. I have priced it and decided next year - we are going to Disney World and any of our family can join us. If they don't want to that is fine. But I will be sitting on Santa Mickey's lap this time next year.