adoption and other stuff

It has been an interesting week around here. Drew and I have some real heart to hearts. We are seeing more normal 9 year old mischief. YIPEEE!!!! He tried to juggle - with rocks and broke a porch light. He is riding is bike without training wheels and is starting to build ramps to jump off of. Yesterday is my favorite. He put on is army camo jacket and hat, took brown acrylic paint and painted his face and climbed a tree to see how well camo techniques really worked. They did. I was so busy trying to get dried acrylic paint off his face I forgot to get a picture. his therapist is wanting us to attempt to put him a regular class room next year for 2 hours a day 2 days a week. That is HUGE!!!! He is about to graduate from OT. He is trying new foods on a daily basis. Another HUGE!!!!!

We were driving to therapy the other day and he started asking about the difference between birth mom and mom. I explained that a birth mom is just that someone who gives birth to you BUT a mom is the one who takes care of you, stays up with you when you are sick, goes camping - even when camping is not her favorite thing, buys pet lizards and feeds them crickets even tho she hates both, cooks, cleans, reads, hugs, does homework, kisses scraped knees, puts up with Disney channel, and a million other things. He seemed to grasp that. we talked a little more about what I do as a mom. several times during the conversation I reiterated that his Birthmom did love him because she chose to give him to us because she knew she couldn't do all the things that we do. He said I know A***** loved me but it still hurts.....

WOW. I assured him that he is not alone in that. I told him it was OK to have those feelings. Many adopted people feel some hurt. It may not go away but how he chooses to deal with it is key. I can see how far his thought process on the adoption issue has come in a short time. All we can do is be as open and honest as we can be. That will get harder with time.

Gotcha day

In the adoption world there are celebration days that don't exists for other families. Families celebrate birthdays, Christmas, Easter etc. In adoption families we also tend to celebrate Gotcha day. This is the day when we got the call and our son or daughter is placed in our arms for the first time. Kind of like saying "everything will be Ok. I gotcha now" That was yesterday for us. We were fortunate that Drew came to us the day after he was born and so we celebrate these together.

For families who adopt thru the foster system or over seas Gotcha days are a separate day. The day is still very important to the family. I know one family who goes for Chinese on that day of the year only. It is marked by a family celebration. For us- this year we are headed to 6 Flags. The three of us. Wish phil was here to join us but he isn't.
This day means ususally means a lot to an adoptive family similar to Christmas, birthdays or Easter. We don't give presents but we celebrate being a family.

when is a mom not a mom

Tonight NBC aird a show naming in their opionion Americas fave mom's. I refused to watch it. Orginally they put adoptive mom's in a category called Non - Mom Mom's. There was an orphanage director (who actually won the category from what I heard) a woman who raised her siblings and a woman according the website had one of her "own" then adopted 6 more children. There are so many myths and un trhuths circulating about adoptive parents that I had a fit. Many in the adopting world sent letters of protest to NBC and the category was changed Friday to Adoptive mom's. Funny thing - Marie Osmond was the host of the show and she herself is an adoptive mom. I bet she thinks she is a real mom. Below is the letter I sent to NBC. As soon as I find an email address for Teleflora they will be getting it as well.


It took me a while to put into words the anger I felt towards your lack of sensitivity to adopted moms. I know the show has aired but I am finally calm enough to put a rational thought together on this subject. First let me say I refused to watch this broadcast. I have children. Some where in the recesses of my mind I seem to remember sitting in front of a judge and him asking my husband and myself if we were aware that by adopting our son we would be responsible for every part of his life, feeding him, clothing him, educating him just like any biological children we had. He asked our other son if he was excited to have a brother (not an adopted brother - a brother) . We all said yes. I have sat up many nights with both my boys thanking God for them. thru every broken bone, asthma attack, nightmare, picture hung on the fridge, excitement of a hot air ballon in the sky, bout of pneumonia, first step, first word, first tooth, first day of school I was there And you know what - my adopted son never called me adopting mommy. He just called me mommy.

which of my kids is adopted - frankly I choose not to say - I am just mom to both of them and always will be. How they came to be does not matter. I bet you would never ask me which of my kids was born by C section or my next door neighbor about the rape that brought her her daughter, or the lady down the sleep if she concieved while on top or bottom during making love with her husband.

The point is how they came to be is not the issue. They are our children and no matter whether they grew in our stomach or our heart they are our children and we are their moms PERIOD.

C