November 9

I look at the issues we are having with Drew and I get so frustrated. Then I watch the news and realize how blessed I truly am.

Enough said.

Something good

When I was growing up my dad used to wake up my sister and I by coming into our room and loudly proclaiming "SOMETHING GOOD IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU TODAY - YOU JUST HAVE TO FIND IT" It was always a positive way to start the day. It might be something small like some cute guy smiling at me or something important like an A on a paper. It was my dad's way of always making us learn that even in the chaos of the storm there was always something that could make a day special.

With all the chaos in my life right now - the waves are all around and I am sitting in the boat being still - remembering He is God. At the same time I am cognizant of the small things that make every day special.

today

today's thankfulness? This afternoon Scott took Drew to the train museum with Scouts and I got 3 hours to myself. It was so nice? What did I do? Well it was a raining all day so I had put a roast in the crock pot before church. I fell asleep to the smell of a roast cooking, fresh rain scent and the methodical raindrops falling on the slate roof. It felt so good. Skippy curled up next to me and the cat at the foot at the bed.

I was thankful when my boys arrived home safe and sound and we enjoyed a great dinner together.

back

The past few weeks have been very emotional in our house. We got a new diagnosis for Drew. They think we are looking at childhood onset bipolar. It does explain a lot of things. But to hear them actually say it was devastating. I cried for 2 days. But I realized it could be a lot worse and moved forward. However after 2 melt downs one that almost caused us to call 911 to have him admitted to the hospital several things became apparent. One I can no longer home school Andrew. That breaks my heart. Maybe in a couple years we will try again but now he needs the structure of a special class room. I just am unable at this time to give Drew what he needs to be successful.

Secondly, I realized how hard the last 3 years have been on me. We moved to ABQ, Phil was in a horrific wreck and had to have surgery. Then Scott had a perforated colon and 2 pulmonary embolisms. He survived 2 surgeries and recovered. Then as he was getting ready for his first bike race after that event he was hit by a car and had a broken collar bone. That didn't heal right and requires surgery 6 months later.

For the last 3 years I have focused on everyone but me. That is the way I am but now I am tired, hollow, empty, lonely, and just plain exhausted. I broke last night. I cried for 3 hours. It all just came out. I cried for all that had changed - as far back as my mom being sick, losing her and my grandparents, the changes in my dad, the relationship with my sister the list goes on. It was a mouring of sorts.

I have spent today pretty much on my bed doing home work, sleeping, thinking and just being by myself.

I started looking at random blogs and saw that many people were taking the month of November to blog daily about what they are thankful for. It got me to change my way of thinking. I should not be having a pity party so I resolve for the next month I will do just that. Everyday talk about something I am thankful for. God has blessed our family in so many ways. My husband is still alive, my son is about to graduate from college, my younger son can be managed with medication and lots of teaching by those more qualified than me.

A friend whose blog I follow annonomously had this song on her blog today. And I think it is a good place for me to start.

Cathy

Army of Women

My friend Elaine had a wonderful blog post and wanted to let everyone know about an amazing opportunity.

Have you been touched by breast cancer? In todays society it is hard not to find someone who does not have a story about being touched by breast cancer in someway shape or form. Whether is a mom, sister, aunt, friend, or themselves everyone is being touched by this disease in one way or another. My grandmother had breast cancer. My dear friend Mary recently beat the disease. Their courage and strengh were an inspiration to me.

My mom was sick for many years and she signed up for any study for her disease that came her way. She wanted others to benefit from what could be found through her and the disease she fought. It was also an inspiration to me as well.

For these reasons I am asking you, my readers, to give a little of your self to help fight breast cancer in a way you may not have thought about before.

Avon Army of Women is working with many medical studies to find a cure. Take 2 minutes and go to the website. It will give you a chance to sign up for studies you might qualify for. I currently do not qualify for any of the studies but as soon as one comes for that I meet the qualifications for I will sign on the dotted line.Occasionally you might get an email notifying you of new studies. If you qualify you can sign up a study that might just find the key that unlocks the door to curing a disease so that our future, daughters, sisters, aunts, friends won't have to fight and leave this world early.

Do this for those in your life touched by Breast Cancer, Do it for yourself.

Musicals

When I was a kid my parents made sure my sister and I were introduced to live theatre. We saw shows like ANNIE, La Cage Aux Folles (with Peter Marshall and Keane Curtis) They're Playing Our Song , Chorus Line, this list goes on and on. My sister LOVED Chorus Line so much that when it was bring your fave record to school that is what she brought. She tried to get the teacher to play Looks 10 Dance3 (better known as T&A).

My sister and I have carried this love of theater with us as we have grown in to women. I made sure that Phil saw live theater as a child. My sister once even gave us tickets to CATS so Phil could enjoy the experience. He actually named his cat MCCavity. Phil loved theater so much he took singing and acting lessons in high school and was in EVERY play Seabury did while he attended. As a Sr. he starred in Suessical as Horton. I am proud to say my son played a GREAT elephant. In some ways it doesn't seem like a stretch from his normal lumbering self.

I have put off taking Andrew to theater. I have been worried about his attention span. This fall I have us signed up to see 3 shows at the local children's theater. Scott is out of town, and I found this great TV channel I didn't know existed (guess that is what happens when you have 300 channels to choose from). So I declared it a junk food night and we are going to curl up in my bed and watch CATS on TV. I am hoping it keeps his attention. It is a start.

colds

Have you ever noticed that Colds come at the most inopportune time? Not like anyone wants to schedule when they have a cold but honestly they always seem to appear at the worst possible - most busy time for me.

Take the one I woke up with. Yesterday I felt out of sorts - kind of crabby and just not my self. I am usually such a ray of sunshine. If you believe that I have part of a bridge in Brooklyn to sell ya. Anyhow, in the middle of the night I woke up feeling achy and by morning I was sure my head was going to explode and Scott would be having to clean grey matter off the office walls.

My week? Tonight is the kickoff for the Scout Pack fundraiser. Who is to present it to the parents? ME! Tomorrow Drew has his tutor and his therapies and I have choir tomorrow night. We will see what happens. Friday is CHILL (our homeschool co - op.) I am supposed to teach. My co-teacher is away on a business trip. Then as soon as CHILL is over we are to head to Bodega Bay for a CHILL camping trip. IF we don't do that we are supposed to go to OctoberFest at church as well as the Bishop is coming for his visit on Sunday morning to church. Not to mention I have to teach Drew all week.

I checked the scheudle and I have tried to explain to this cold that 3 weeks from now would be better if it would like to rebook. I was met with a full on coughing attack. Guess this cold and I will not be seeing eye to eye and it is planning on sticking around a few days.

Saturday Morning

Well it is Saturday morning. Again. Scott and his friends are on a re-con ride getting ready for the GranFondo which is coming up in a few weeks. I am staring at a mound of laundry. But instead I think Drew and I will go get lunch and go to the library. And Skippy needs his nails cut, and the car needs washed, and I am sure I can find 10 other things to do besides the laundry. But it will be waiting for me no matter what. So I will get it started.

We are getting ready to start our next section of ancient history. We will be spending a month or so studying Ancient Egypt. I have some fun stuff planned. We are going to mummify a chicken. I will take pictures to help document this one.

CHILL has started up again. Yesterday was like the first day of school for our homeschoolers. There was such excitement in the air as everyone gathered. New students, old students, new and old moms - all with the mission of giving their kids one more outlet for learning. Drew is taking Spanish, Nutrition and Getting ready for Fort Ross. That is several posts in itself so stay tuned for our living/learning time at Ft. Ross. I am teaching ASL. I have a great group of kids. My co teacher is such a great funny lady she should be the head teacher because she can keep their attention better than me. But together we make a GREAT team. I swear if I could I would get her on Last Comic Standing. She would walk away with it all.

IF I had my way Drew and I would be spending the day at Disneyland. Too bad it is a 6 hour car trip. I wish it was closer. I would never get laundry done. I tried to convince Scott we needed to go again for Halloween but I was informed that Christmas in Florida was enough. HUMPH.

We are headed camping next weekend with our CHILL group. We are going to the sand dunes of Bodega Bay. The weather is supposed to be good. LASt camping trip of the year. We need to start thinking about where we want to go next summer so we can get it booked. People start booking campsites in February for the summer. So I need to pin Scott down on where we are going. WHAT AM I SAYING????? No one would believe I enjoy camping now. There is something totally different about camping in California.

well the laundry waits and drew is STARVING.

FTPD

C

Unit Studies

I think I may be getting the hang of this. This school year, so far is much better than the last. We are having fun. I am not nearly as uptight. I see lots of progress being made.

I attended a class a few weeks ago on unit studies. This used to be how school was taught. Most of the subjects were incorporated around a topic (writing, history, science, art, English). So I decided this year I would try my hand at using unit studies to teach Drew about the ancient civilizations. We just finished Mesopotamia and will start Ancient Egypt next week. When I was 8 I had no clue what the Fertile Crescent was let alone it was bordered by the Tigris and Euphrates rivers, Drew does and he can explain what a shaduf is and how it works. We learned that the Mesopotamians invented the wheel as well as the flush toilet (I thank them for both). We have learned about Cuniform and ziggurats. We have drawn pictures, colored maps, made puppets, discussed agriculture, roles of men and women. The list goes on. It has been LOADS of fun for both of us.

Today he started asking about where Dracula came from as well as Frankenstein, werewolves, why mummies were supposed to be scary. He already has Halloween on his mind. So it hit me. I home school! I can teach what I want! If it excites Drew then let's learn about it. We are going to take about 2 weeks close to Halloween and do a unit study on the myths and legends of Halloween.

We have the big trip in December that he doesn't know about. So, why not do a unit study on the life of Walt Disney and his vision? I actually have unit studies planned for the next 5 months. Maybe this will be one way to keep school going year round. In the summer we just do a couple unit studies.

We still do math and spelling most days but we have so much fun with these studies it is hard to get the other stuff in like we need to.

I found this video the other day and it sums up homeschooling so well. I was terrified at the beginning but my home school friends have helped so much. I have learned that every day there are opportunities to learn that don't involve a classroom. We embrace learning in a totally different hands on way. We now go camping, play dates, park days, museums, field trips to all sorts of places. We are going to Monterey Aquarium in November, Fort Ross in April. Drew will be taking Spanish, nutrition this semester with our local co-op. He is also taking a year long class to get us ready for Fort Ross and when we get back he will have to make a presentation board about what he learned. He has already picked his country for our International day.

I get really irritated at our pastors wife. She is a teacher and every time she sees Drew she asks him math questions, spelling questions, English (noun verb) questions. She is continually tell me that he is behind. UMM...NO he is not behind, he is where he needs to be for him. How may second graders do you know who can point to the Tigris River on a map and explain that is now an area in conflict? The math and spelling will come - heck Phil can't spell and he is about to graduate from college.

I guess what I am trying to say (getting off my soap box) is that while home school is not for everyone. For us it has been the best thing we CHOSE to do.

THAT day

9 years ago I was driving my son to school after a dentist appointment. We were listening to the radio when the announcer announced someone with really bad direction had flown a small aircraft into the World Trade Center. WOW that is crazy I thought. We kept driving. A few minutes later the announcer came back on and said - it happened again - another plane had hit the other tower and it was a commerical aircraft carrier. WOW that is even crazier. Phil asked me what it meant. I had no idea but I assured him (with the confidence that every mother has in moments like this) that everything would be all right and he was safe.

I got him to school and walked in and told the secretary something crazy was going on and she needed to find a radio. I explained what we had heard on the radio. At that moment all of her phone lines started ringing with concerned parents. I hugged Phil good bye and said I would see him after school. I remember calling Scott on my way home and telling him he needed to find a way to get some news. This was 9 years ago before constant, instantious internet news coverage.

I went home and turned on the TV. My sister called (or maybe I called her) we sat watching the TV trying to figure out what was going on. We were 60 miles away from each other and it was one time in our life that I truly felt close to her. Our parents were on the way to DC on vacation. They were driving. My cell rang and it was mom. Amie called Dad on her cell. One most of my vivid memories is my sister yelling "OH MY GOD it is going down" as the first building fell. We watched in horror connected by that phone at what was happening before eyes. We begged them to come home. Finally they realized this was major. They were driving and only had our accounts and the radio to go by. They did turn around and head for KC.

The other day I was talking to Phil about what he remembered. He recounted what happened as the school day continued. I remember fighting the urge to go get him and bring him home (that safe haven every parent feels about their house for their child). As Phil and I talked the other day it hit me. For his generation, this is the first "I remember where I was when...." they will have. He was the about the same age I was when I had my first one of those moments,John Lennon being shot. Somehow, now that memory doesn't compare to his first of those memories.

I remember that day, 9 years ago wondering about the world my child was growing up in. 9 months later we adopted Andrew. He doesn't remember a world where you don't have to take your shoes off at the airport, or packing all your liquids in your checked bags. This is the first year I have exposed him to what happened that day. I wanted him to maintain his belief that the world is inherently good as long as possible.

I pray for Phil, his generation has VERY few of the "I remember where I was..." moments. I hope for all of us there is never another day that causes such fear. But like my friend Allan said... If you give into the fear, you let them win.

On the move

Well it appears we are moving. No, not back to Kansas. (sad) Not back to Albuquerque either. We are moving about 6 miles from here. We will be downsizing BIG time. Fine by me. When we rented this house we anticipated that Phil would be moving to California at some point and we wanted him to have his own space. Well, obviously that is not happening.

So it is time to move. Our new house will be about the size of our house in Lawrence. Smaller backyard. Not sure what we will do with the pool or the trampoline. (getting rid of the trampoline will be hard. It was one of the last things my mom gave Drew - sentimental)

But the people who own it planted about 100 rose bushes. The owner hopes they are still surviving. He is concerned the current tenants have not taken care of things like they should have. That is why he likes us. We have taken care of our current house like it was ours. The owner has agreed to the dog and the cat. Not sure how Cavity will like the move. He is a pretty stubborn cat.

Not sure if the official move date is November 1 or December 1. I am hopeful it is November. Scott's mom is to come out for Thanksgiving and I would prefer to be in the new house so she doesn't have to navigate stairs or deal with everything being in boxes and my stress level during a move. Just have to see what happens.

bicyclists have families too

Scott has been gone for a couple weeks working in Albuquerque. He got home late last Thursday night and couldn't wait to get on his bike Friday morning and go for a long ride.

He came home pretty shaken up. While riding a white dully pulling a trailer actually slowed down and hit him in the back of the head with the side mirror. Then the truck kept trying to hit Scott with the side of the truck. Scott was finally forced into a ditch to get away from the 5 people in the truck. This is not the first time Scott has had a run in with a car. Not quite a year ago many will remember he was hit by a car and broke his collar bone. He is still recovering from that and the subsequent surgery.

Don't people realize that cyclists have families.People who love them - wives, kids, moms, dads, sisters, brothers. The roads are not owned by the cars. There are bike lanes for a reason. Sure there are some cyclists who do not obey the rules of the road but most cyclists are curtious, obey the rules. they bike for a variety of reasons, better for their health and enviroment, one car family. It this economy many cyclists can't afford gas for cars and choose to ride a bike as away to save money.

I cringe every time Scott goes out to ride. I always pause for a second and wonder if he will come back in once piece. Please remember that cyclists are motorists too but they don't have the 3000 pounds of metal surrounding them - the cars do.

back again

The past few weeks have been HELL. I have been in pure survival mode. The docs tried Drew on a new med. It was causing rages every couple hours. It was crazy. Even he didn't understand. We couldn't get school work done. It was taking 2 hours to do 14 math problems. I was so ready to chuck everything in and send him back to school and make it their problem. I hated being around my son and I hated myself for it. How could I not like being around my son. He was saying totally hateful things and I didn't know where to turn.

Monday I called his neurologist and told them we had to take him off the Depakote because it was going to be me or him. They got me an emergency appt for Tuesday afternoon. I didn't give him his Depakote on Tuesday because Scott was out of town and I knew I could't take it.

When we got to the appt. Dr. Rainia came to the waiting room personally to get him. We went into a conference room with 2 med students. We reviewed Drew's history and Dr. Rainia noted that all the meds we tried had had the opposite effect. Respirdal caused depression (it is a anti depressent) Abilify was to improve the Tourette's - it made it worse.

He went on to explain to the med students that with kids like Drew who had the opposite effect on meds that they had to think outside the box. He explained to all of us that by accident he had discovered a drug for Parkinson's and Restless leg Syndrome that worked in about 50% of kids. Was I willing to try. HELL YES!!!! I knew I couldn't take anymore of what had been going on.

Drew took his first dose Tuesday night. Wed he got up and got dressed, did 3 hours worth of school work without fight. Went on a play date and there were no arguments the whole time. CAme home ate dinner, took his bath, never balked or fought back when told no. NO rages . he was amazing. took another dose last night. same thing today. Did his work (it was a short day because of getting ready to camping this weekend) didn't get upset when he made a mistake on his spelling test. He caught hte mistake and corrected it. He didn't get upset when he only got a 99 because he forgot the E on "have" in his dictation. he even took out the recycling with out being asked!!!! He even told me he loved me. I haven't heard that in a long time.

He has been pretty hyper but I am not sure if that is because now that his mind is clear so much is racing that he can't keep up or because we haven't started the daytime dose - that starts tomorrow in addition to the night time dose.

I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. But if this works, I will be eternally grateful. The past 2 days have been amazing. I hope they keep up. I will keep you posted.

change of plans

Well the trip to Disneyland is out. With the questions about my health right now Scott was not too excited about me taking Drew for 6 days with no back up. Plus the money we save on that mini trip can be applied to the BIG trip in December. In some ways I am actually relieved that we are not going. Drew was all right with it after I promised that SOMETIME in the future we would take a big trip with Phil and Betsy. He just doesn't know when.

On the health front, we see the neurologist tomorrow morning to hopefully get some answers about all of this. The eyesight is improving. It will never be what it was but hopefully it will continue to improve.

I get so frustrated. There are so many things I want to do with Drew but I can't. I feel like he is getting short changed. I feel all right in the morning but by afternoon it is all I can do to move and stay awake. Tried to get in the pool with the guys on Saturday. The water was too cold and I spent 5 hours trying to get warm and waiting for my muscles to "unseize"

I refuse to have a "pity party" This was the hand I was dealt and I will deal with it. I know I am getting ahead of my self because we don't have a diagnosis yet. I am hopeful that what ever this is there will be a treatment and I can get my life back and have the engery to do the things with Drew and go back to being the wife and mom that I used to be and that Scott, Drew and phil deserve.

so I slowed to a stop

OK I was on a roll getting back into the swing of blogging. I got stuck. Life goes on here. I have been working hard on getting the first couple weeks of lesson plans done for Andrew. I am trying a new approach to teaching this year. Last year we got off track quite a bit. This year, I have written plans and I have showed him that there is a little box next to each thing to be done. Once we finish a lesson he can check it off. when all the checks are done then we are done for the day. Hopefully this will help. I have added much more writing this year. He hates to be forced to write. But there are somethings that just have to be done.

On a much more exciting note. I made our plane reservations for both the Orlando trip as well as the trip to Anaheim in September.

The trip in September was to orginally be a family trip but Scott can't go. I tried to find someone to go with me. I offered to buy their park ticket and hotel if they paid for the plane and their food. But I had no takers. So I decided to fly and it will just be Drew and I. I think we will have fun. We are staying HERE. They have a great pool so I am sure some time will be spent there. I do wonder how many times I will be forced to ride Pirates of the Caribbean, Jungle Cruise, and Haunted Mansion. We both love the Toy Story Ride. Drew will actually be taking a class on California history while we are there. It is taught by Disney cast members - that should be fun.

Plans for the trip in December are coming along. Been making payments and plane reservations. We are staying at the Bay Lake Towers for that trip. We have a 2 bedroom Villa. All 3 kids will share one room (2 queen size beds) and Scott and I will have the master (kind size bed). It has a kitchen, living room, washer and dryer ( like I use those). Making all the meal reservations has been a challenge. Who knows where we want to eat 6 months out but with the Disney Dining plans there is no choice. I managed to get everything I wanted. I went back to change some stuff yesterday and some restaurants are already booked and have no availability. "Doing Disney" takes planning. I have decided I will do some blogs over the next few weeks that pertain to doing disney the right way and sites that help me plan. When we lived in Kansas - our travel agent would call me when people had Disney questions because I knew it better than she did.

So back to FTPD

C

I am on a roll.

It is hot here. And when it is hot a person wants to swim. But to swim requires going to a pool. I hate pools. too many kids who are unsupervised, who pee in the water (or worse) to me it is too stressful. so instead we brought the pool to us.

Here it is

Just what every one needs: and 18 foot across byt 4 foot deep pool. Did you know that is 7600 gallons of water? Not looking forward to my next water bill. But Drew loves it and I am hoping it makes the summer smoother.

back in the saddle

We are home from a wonderful 2 week vacation in Kansas. Saw lots of good friends and had lots of fun. My lost the site in my right eye. They say it is temporary but it is still disturbing to go from 20/40 to 20/180 in my eye. When I look thru it I feel like I am looking thru a windshield that has mud thrown on it. They orginally thought it was caused by MS but my MRI was clear. I see my doc on Monday and hopefully we will figure this out.

It appears the trip to Disney is on for December/January. We (Betsy and me) can hardly wait. Drew doesn't know yet and Scott and Phil just humor us. We are eating at Cinderella's Castle one morning. I managed an 8 AM reservation. They are hard to come by so that was a real coup for me. More on the trip as time goes on.

Did I mention we have a dog now? We have a Chiweenie named Skippy. He is part Chihuahua and part Dachshund. He is a real love. He is named for the main character in a series of children's books called "Skippy Jon Jones" Drew loves him to pieces. Skippy is really attached to me because he sees me as his rescuer.

FTPD

C

Where have I been?

Where o where has Cathy been? That seems to be the question. Currently we are in Kansas on an extended vacation. i have spent a good deal of time in doc offices but more on that later.

things in Sac are fine. I have gone back to school full time but that seems to be on hold.

Drew is doing awesome.We are on break from Home school. We will start back up mid July. He has new therapists as the MIND center cut its budget.

Scott is riding all the time. Spent Father's day riding 85 miles up to Nevada city. I went and picked him up and spent the day watching the Nevada city Classic.

I am thrilled my class reunion is over. It amazes me how some people never change. I am surprised they don't drown with their noses so far up in the air. Several people have already stepped up to do the 30th.

the best part of the reunion was seeing my best friend from high school that I hadn't see in 23 years. Scott said he didn't think we would ever stop hugging.

we are going to spend the 4th of july at 3 different parties. looking forward to seeing lots of old friends from Lawrence.

Well, now everyone is up to speed. I promise to be a better blogger.

21 years ago

21 years ago right now I was watching the moon rise from a room in the maternity ward at Stormont Vail in Topeka Kansas. Little did I know a few hours later one of my most precious gifts would be given to me.

does not compute

Drew and I had his Cub Pack meeting last night. Bit news he acheived his Tiger Rank and got his Tiger badge. Now for the humor of the evening

The Cub Master mentioned several times during the evening that is family was taking off today for Disneyland. Drew looked at me and asked when we would be returning to Disneyland. I told him that we would be going in September for a Homeschool conference. Andrew looked at me and said 'Mom Homeschool and Disneyland don't belong in the same sentence." Hard to argue but we are going anyway.