conformity or Puff the Magic Dragon needs to live

Well today was volunteer day. Chaos reigned. I actually got kind of ticked at the morning teacher. One thing I love about kids is how they think out side the box. This teacher seems to believe in kindergarten conformity. She told all the kids that their turkeys must be brown with red gobbles. There were to be no purple turkeys because that is not how turkeys look. Hello!?!?!!? Who says there are no purple turkeys - maybe they havne't been seen yet. She also took the feathers off of one little girls turkey because she put them on the bottom of the bird and not on the sides. Turkeys have feathers all over not just on the sides. I was really upset that this teacher had the gall to take a childs special creation which she was proud of and turn it into something that was not an expression of the childs own creativity. Kids have lots of time to conform to the norms that are enforced on them. I for one want to be a purple cow.

I introduced Drew to the world of Puff the Magic Dragon today. It has quickly become a fave song. I think that is my rebellion against the kindergarten teacher who believes in only brown turkeys. Life is too much like Puff these days and Puff is abandoned way to early in my opinion.

These are the special papers that parents like to keep. They show how a child thought outside the box. If every one believed that all turkeys were brown the world would have been robbed of the likes of Andy Warhol, Bach, Picasso, Maya Angelou, Einstein etc. And what a blah world that would be.

Knocked for a loop.

I woke up yesterday with a killer headache. I haven't had anything like this in ages. I was pissed because it felt like a hangover and I don't remember having any fun the night before.

I thought it would pass. Wrong. I had to take 3 doses of migraine medicine as well as Ativan before it would begin to subside. It was one of those headaches where your eyes can't focus and all you want is quiet, dark and cold.

I am at least upright today. I am still having lingering flashes of pain. I plan to take it easy for one more day.

Scott saw the surgeon Friday. He is still limited to 20 hours a week. They are hoping he can go back full time after he sees the doc again on December 12. He sees the new surgeon on Wed and he is hoping they go ahead and schedule the second surgery sooner rather than later. But we shall see. I kind of do too. Esp since we have met all deductibles for the year.

Pandemonium

I spend every Thursday afternoon volunteering in Drew's kindergarten classroom. I have a good time. I get to know his friends and see how amazing Drew is. He is kind, caring, smart. I love to watch him take it all in. I get to be a part of his school time with out him feeling like I am intruding. I know those days will come all to soon.

Today, however, I came to the very real conclusion that I was not meant to be a kindergarten teacher. In the Sacramento school district, they do parent teacher conferences very different than anything I have witnessed before. The kids get half days for 8 days. Teachers hold 3-4 conferences a day and don't have to work late. This is good for the teachers and full day students, as well as morning Kindergarten students. For the afternoon kindergarten kids it is a nightmare. They are used to sleeping in a little, not having a rushed morning, getting to eat breakfast, watch TV - get ready at their leisure. Not during minimum days. The afternoon kindergarten kids have to go in the AM so in Drew's classroom there are 40+ kids from 8-11:30. It is that way in the other kindergarten class as well. It is controlled chaos.

I did my volunteer time this morning. The kids were split into groups of 5-7 kids and they visited "centers" each center had an activity. at one station they were cutting pilgrim hats for their pilgrim faces. At another they were doing language arts worksheets. One station was magnadoodle and one was geosquares. I had the math worksheet. It was my job to help these kids in small groups work on ordinal numbers. We were working on 6th thru 10th. This was not on my kindergarten cirriculum. I don't even think it was taught in 1st grade. Ever try to keep the attention of 5-7 kids to do a work sheet when all around them there are 35 ohter kids talking and playing? It was not pretty. I was able to think on my feet and get their attention but keeping it was another matter. We managed.

It was obvious the kids, both morning and afternoon, were out of their element. I had several tell me they didn't like all the noise. It was a distraction to them. No one could hear anything, let alone learn anything in that environment. Everyone was definitely ready for recess and snack.

I don't know how the teachers do it. In some ways I think it is very unfair to them as well as the students. It would be better if they rotated the kindergarten every other day. Or have the teachers do all the conferences in a day and a half. and be done with it.

I guess the teachers have a better union than the kids.

A mother knows or right decision or give them wings.

When Phil called to tell me he wanted to come out here I was excited but hesitant. I had a feeling he was making a rash decsion based on some feelings of being scared and lonely. Everytime we talked, there he never seemed sure about his decision. I kept telling him it was his decision to make. He was an adult and I couldn't make it for him. I knew this was hard on him. On one hand he had a dream to be in the medical field - on the other hand he didn't want to leave all he knew for the unknown. (good thing he didn't have to come to America from a foreign country in the early 1900's or go west in the 1800's)

I have held my excitement in check pretty well.

Today I knew why. He called this morning and we had a fight. the next thing I knew he was saying he wasn't sure he wanted to move. I felt he was using the fight as an excuse to change his mind. I finally let it drop and told him once again this was for him to figure out. i could advise but not make the final decision for him.

He told me tonight that his Aunt Amie surprised him today. He figured she would be totally against him moving here. But she was able to give him some insight from the Greek point of view. It made him realize several things. Things he needed to change about himself and about his situation.

Then, he had a talk with his friend Cody. He admitted to Cody the real reason he was moving to CA. Cody made a little pact with him. He has told Phil, if that the reason he was coming out here was because of wanting to get a fresh start to go to med school ,he would make it his mission to ensure that Phil did what he needed to do at Washburn to get it done. (Cody - we will talk someday - you robbed me of my live in babysitter)

I knew deep down that if the decsion was that hard for Phil to make, coming out here was NOT the right decision. Tonight Phil and I had a heart to heart. I told him that I knew him better than anyone- better than he knew himself. It is a mom thing. As hard as it was and with tears in my eyes, I gave Phil wings today. I told him he needed to stay in Topeka and get it done there. It would have been so easy to rescue him. To let him come here and take the easy way. but that is not what he needed. Amie knew that. I knew that but didn't want to admit it. I sometimes forget he is a man and I need step back more often and let him fly. If he falls that is when I need to open the nest door not before his wings expand. Otherwise he will know never know how high he can truly soar. Eagles will be beneath him if he is given the chance. Thanks to my sis for seeing his true potential

She gets an extra dose of Pixie Dust today. Thanks Amie.

C

The tickles.

I am trying to just make sure I write in here daily. Some days i have to search to think of something.

Since Scott has been sick I have taken over helping Drew with his homework. We have fun. He has this thing about being tickled. HE LOVES IT. So after each page or when he does something really well I tickle him. He loves it and for some reason it gets him to move on to the next thing. It also helps when he makes a mistake. Gets him over it pretty fast. It surprised me that there is homework for kindergarten. It is sent home on Monday and we send it back completed on Friday.

Scott made dinner tonight. it was really good.

Looking for money? you might check www.missingmoney.com It is a data base for all state databases of money that has not been claimed. I found 30.00 for Scott. It was from the overpayment of a hospital bill in 2000. Too bad they don't tack on interest.

still knitting

I am still knitting Christmas presents. I can't say what they are because some people read my blog. My shoulder still hurts but I couldn't get in to the doctor.

Phil is telling his fraternity brothers tonight of his upcoming departure. i know this is going to be very hard on him. I know he says he is coming but until he walks thru that front door with his bags I am holding my excitement in check. He could change his mind and decide to stay in Topeka and that would be OK too. It has to be what he wants to do. I just don't want him to live with regrets and what ifs - no matter what he decides.

My Santa bag from Pottery Barn Kids came today. I can't wait to put the Santa presents in it and leave it Christmas morning. Scott just shook his head. As frustrated as I get some times he is very indulgent with me. Scott is kind of happy that this means he won't be up late putting presents together. They can just go in the bag and put together Christmas AM. I have a feeling one or 2 will have to be put together for appearance sake.

well off to knit.

FTPD
C

Sunday

Scott came up and read to Drew tonight. I know Scott has missed being able to do that. And I know how much Drew missed his special Daddy time. Every day we see improvement. He starts back to work part time tomorrow.

I have 2 Christmas presents done. Lots to go but I have to figure out why my shoulder is hurting so much first. I am going to go to the doc tomorrow to see what the deal is.

today

Today I started my end of co dependency. Last night I told Drew when he woke up to let me sleep. If needed something he could ask dad but I needed to sleep. Scott was a little upset that Drew did wake him up but I reminded him that I had nto slept well for the past 2 nights and it was time to decide if he was well or an invalid. If he chose invalid I was going to remove the TV, Phone and computer from his room because if he was that sick he didn't need the distractions of those things interferring with him getting better. He decided he was well. I went and ran my errands, told Scott where I was stopping for lunch. He said he wasn't sure if he could eat that, I told him if he didn't feel he should/could eat it that there was left overs in the fridge. He chose what I as having. He is currently out for a walk. He goes back to work part time from home Monday. I am going to have him learn how to at least dress the main wound today. It is not hard. 4 peieces of gauze and some tape. I had him call the new lawn people the other day. When the called back he let the machine pick it up and told me they called back. I said I knew it and he needed to return the call to set up a time to get an estimate.

Phil will find when he gets here, I am not as accessible. I have already been trying to get him to phone less. Until he decided to move here it was working. If I was in the middle of soemthing I would tell him I would call back. I did call back but not always on his time table. HEy it is babysteps but I am getting there.

on edge

I feel like I am about to explode. I don't know why I am so edgy but I feel like a powder keg ready to go KABOOOOOMMMMM. and heaven help who ever is on the other end. Every little thing that anyone does makes me jumpy.

My shoulders are killing me. I am not sleeping. Me who has always loved to talk on the phone hates to hear it ring lately. I just want to be left alone. i want no responsibility for a while.

Yeah, I know that is not about to happen. I refuse to feel guilty about having everyone eat leftovers tonight. I refuse to feel guilty that all I want is a bath in my tub and no noise. I refuse to feel guilty that I want my husband to take responsibility for taking care of his wound and ostomy. I refuse to feel guilty. PERIOD. If he can take a conference call when he is not to be working than he can go get his own left overs. i have been at his beck and call for a month now and I am tired and DONE. All I want to do is get in my car and drive to Tahoe or Reno. Maybe come back maybe not - who knows.

I thank my dad and MIL for their moral support but it is time that Scott start to accept some of the responsibilty. I can't come to his office everytime he needs something when he is released to go tot he office. He has to be prepared. I have done all the men in my life a big disservice by being there 24/7 since Drew was born.

I keep asking my friends when it is my turn. Guess what my turn is now.

On the mend

I can't thank Mary Lou and my dad for coming out at different times to help during the emergency with Scott. They have both been a lifesaver. I wish my dad could stay longer because I am really having fun having him here.

Scott is on the mend. He is up more. Still sleeping down stairs but at least he is now cooking his own breakfast and today he cleaned the counters in the kitchen. Monday he will officially start working from home up to 20 hours a week. He sees the doc on the 14th and will probably be cleared to work 40 hours from home at that point.

Phil is telling his cousins his decision tonight. He seems to believe this is the best for him. I know this is a very hard decision for him. He will be leaving Topeka on December 20th so he should be here by Christmas Eve- depending on the weather.


FTPD
C

never ceases to amaze me

You would think by 19, almost 20 that Phil would be old hat and he wouldn't surprise me. WRONGO BUFFALO!!!!!

I get a text this AM saying he missed doing math and science. So I tell him to take them. He then calls and says Mom, what have I always wanted to do. I said be a doctor. He said yes and I can't do that here. There are too many temptations in the Frat. I can't study the way he needs and he realized he was taking the easy way out by going into Criminal Justice. He has asked to come here and go to the community college and then transfer to Sac State next year. For the time being he will live at home. He has made contact with the Sig Ep chapter at SacState and they have invited him to hang with them.

Not sure if this will really happen but I personally think it will be good for him. He talks about the promises he made to Grammy and Trent. He wants to save lives. He knows to be Dr. Phil he will have to sacrfice. It will really bother him to leave the frat but he can go back and visit and from what I ahve already heard I will have the Sig Ep house sleeping in my bonus room over spring break.

Another first

This is such a historic day. Tonight we will have the first African American president or the first woman VP. I personally am hoping for the first. But no matter, Americans are turning out in record numbers to cast votes.

Do you remember the first time you voted in a Presidential election? How did it feel as you were waiting in line? What about after you turned your paper or flipped that switch? did you go to a watch party to wait out the returns? Or did you just skip it all and not care?

Today in my life is another first. Phil is old enough to cast his ballot. It doesn't seem possible. I remember in Florida when we lived there. They had ballots for kids - names like George Washington, John Adams adorned the kids ballots. But it gave them a sense of pride that they were being treated as adults.

Today, Phil will walk into a polling place and cast a ballot. he will have the opportunity for the first time in his adult life to voice his opinion on how he wants the country run. He will get to have a voice in the direction of what happens in the future.

I hope he understands that this is a fundamental cornerstone of our country. I hope he takes it seriously.

This just in. As I was typing this he called and had voted. "performed his civic duty" as he called it. five minute wait in Topeka kansas as of 11:45AM.

Feels like Kansas

I had to check a map today. It is 60 degrees and rainy and windy. Thought a tornado had picked me up and took me back to Kansas. Nope I was still in California. It is funny to see people in heavy coats, hats and scarves when it is 60 degrees. In Kansas that is sweater weather but not heavy coat weather. I think my blood must have thinned out. I would have killed for a pair of gloves when I was picking up Drew this afternoon.

Long Day

The first Sunday in November...the day many wait for to grab that extra hour of sleep. Unfortunately I did not get mine this time around. At 3 the phone goes off. It is Scott down stairs - same symptoms as the last Pulmonary Embolism. I rush down stairs. Grab the phone. He agrees to let me call 911. At least they didn't come with lights and sirens blazing. They took Scott to the hospital. I stayed and got Drew up and dressed. He was surprisingly very cooperative give it was 330 in the morning. Drove to the hospital downtown. they can't figure out what is causing the problems and why he is clotting. He is on anti coagulation therapy that is monitored daily. Strange thing. Yesterday it was 2.6 and 12 hours later it had dropped to 2.2. Very strange.

thank goodness for Facebook. I didn't want to call and bother my family in Kansas at that horrid hour.

Before I left the house I posted I was headed to the hospital. I knew my sis always checks her Facebook in the morning and would see it. I I was right. She called me at the hospital early. She also got ahold of my dad. He will be here tomorrow. Mary Lou left yesterday.

So while many were enjoying an extra 60 minutes of sleep, I had an extra 60 minutes to be Thankful for modern medicine that kept my husband alive yet again. And for modern technology that alerted my family that things were not well here in California.

Always have

Faith, Trust and lots of Pixie Dust

traditions

Well Halloween has come and gone. time to start thinking about Turkey and stuffing. Time to start thinking about tiny tots with eyes all a-glow, and folks dressed up like eskimos - OK I know we are in California but I am with all my midwest friends in spirit.

I wanted to start a new tradition but Scott getting sick kind of messed it up. But hopefully next year, it will be come tradition that Drew, Scott and I go on a vacation over Thanksgiving break. We were to go to Disney Land this year but not happening now.

I also wanted to start the tradition of going on the Polar Express during Christmas but I missed getting tickets because - you guessed it - Scott was sick. Boy, does he know how to mess my ideas. LOL.

Last year Scott and I took Drew to Toys R us and had him pick a toy. while he was picking it we explained it would not be something he could keep. It would be given to the Marines outside who would make sure a boy or girl who didn't have Christmas presents would get it. He has already asked when he gets to buy that present again. Makes my heart warm.

I was looking at Pottery Barn Kids catalog today and I got a cool idea. They have a large Santa bag that can be personalized. I am going to get one with our name on it. It will sit empty under the tree and on Christmas morning that is where every one will find their Santa presents. This is something we will be able to do for years. Someday if my boys decide to have kids I will get to do it with my grandkids. Mastercard 30.00. Memories - priceless.

I wish my family could be together this year. We are hoping next year to be in Kansas. My dad and sis will be together with their spouses. Mary Lou will have her sisters join her from the East Coast. Phil will get here at some time. Jsut don't know when yet. It seems funny not to be with my dad and sister again this year. But we will all be together in spirit and our memories of Donny Osmond records, doll houses, chickenpox, and crayons in ears.

May you always have
Faith Trust and Pixie dust
C

Knitting Cheers

Making your way in the world today, Takes everything you've got; Taking a break from all your worries, Sure would help a lot

Wouldn't you like to get away? All those night when you've got no lights,The check is in the mail;And your little angelHung the cat up by it's tail;And your third fiance didn't show;

Sometimes you want to goWhere everybody knows your name,And they're always glad you came;You want to be where you can see,Our troubles are all the same;You want to be where everybody knows your name.

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;The morning's looking bright;And your shrink ran off to Europe,And didn't even write;And your husband wants to be a girl;

Be glad there's one place in the worldWhere everybody knows your name,And they're always glad you came;You want to go where people know,People are all the same;You want to go where everybody knows your name.


With everything that has been going on my comfort has been taking a few minutes from time to time to run to my fave yarn store in the area. The women at the Yarn Shoppe are just wonderful. The first time I walked in there a few months ago I felt so at home. There was a big table with woman just sitting and visiting and knitting. they immediately invited me to join their weekly group.

Since Scott has been sick this place has been a god send. They always ask how Scott is and if I am taking care of my self. One day I just needed to get away and I just went in and sat down at the table and like usual there were people at the table doing all kinds of projects. It was so warm and inviting. Anna, the owner, even had her boxer, Roxie there. It was theraputic to sit and just pet the dog and get Boxer slobber on my toes.

I have found since Scott got sick that I feel better being surrounded by bright colors, and different textures. It gives me a sense of calm and peace.

I have had a great time knitting lately with Alpaca yarn. It is so soft and sensual. I hope to make an afghan out of it after the holidays. Something I can wrap up in and feel safe and protected. Kind of like when you are little and you need your mommy to hug you and make it all better. That is what I need right now.

At the Yarn Shoppe I feel like I am walking in to Cheers. Everyone knows my name.

Update on Scott

For everyone who has not heard from me I am sorry. Scott went back into the hospital Thursday afternoon. He had a Pulmonary Embolism. Pretty scary stuff. We caught it in time. Thanks to a remarkable Dr. Hacker. Who was also the one who convinced Scott to go to the hospital 2 weeks ago when he was in pain and didn't realize his colon perforated.

Scott has some guardian angels watching out for him. He is home. He is receiving shots twice a day of a drug that was over 1700.00 for an eight day supply. Thank goodness for insurance. He is also on Coumidin for the next 6 months so his second surgery to repair his bowel has to be postponed for a while. At least he is alive and home.

Mary Lou is still here. She will be leaving next weekend barring anything unforeseen. She figures since she is here she should enjoy Halloween with us. She and I both have colds which have knocked us for a loop. We are trying to get rest and stay hydrated (I am listening Anna).

There is so much paperwork to do for disablity. Even short term. I feel inundated. I am very thankful for the support of all of our family and friends thru this. Your support and kind thoughts words, prayers, and deeds have been greatly appreciated.

Always have
Fatih Trust and Pixie Dust.

Lay a way

Well it is that time of year again. time to start thinking of Christmas shopping. I used to use Walmart for lay a way. For the simple fact that I could "hide" the presents there until right before the holidays. It made it very easy to keep prying eyes away from things. I was very very upset when Walmart stopped this practice. it was the main reason they got my holiday money.

I thought with the economy the way it is that Walmart would reinstitue their lay away plan. I was wrong. I emailed them and was told that it was not on their long term goals to do layaway.

Then last night I found out another chain has lay away. good old blue light special Kmart. I am headed there today to put Drew's presents on lay away. I think Walmart is really missing an opportunity. But I never liked the evil giant anyway. I haven't been to a Kmart in years. I am more than willing to spend my Christmas dollars there.

Phil is rearrangign his plans for the holidays. He has decided to come to California in December. This illness with his dad has made him really homesick. He plans on coming mid December - right after finals. He will be here about a month. I am thrilled. I know he wanted to spend the holidays with the Stevens clan but he says he sees them all the time and needs a hug from good ole mom. I am still holding out hope that Yoo Sung is able to come as well.

Scott is doing well. He came to the breakfast table this morning. I think he will be back at work paqrt time this week. Working from home. he is really nervous about going back full time - esp the ostomy.

I just finished filling out my ballot for the election. mailing it in a few mintues.

Please keep our friends the Gaumer family in your prayers. Rex had a stroke this week and now looks like he has a PE and may not survive.

Thanks
FTPD
Cathy

Friday

Scott is home. Home Health care is due sometime as well as PT. Insurance sucks. I love my mother in law. I have great friends. I am in need of major me time. Trying to get some of that this afternoon.

Oh make sure you check out All Thumbs. Great post about a new site. YouData.
FTPD

Insurance

Frustration is all I can say. I met with the wound care people at the hospital yesterday. I was told that I needed to find out who covered DME and wound care supplies so they could be ordered for home use. TALK about a flipping nightmare. the woman yesterday at the insurance company said we were covered but couldn't tell me who the contract was with. She wasn't even sure what ostomy supplies were. She gave me some names. I called the insurance company back today to ask about some other supplies. The person told me that another company could handle it all. so I called them and was told they don't cover the items thru my plan. They gave me the name of another place and I called them - they are contracted with my insurnce company but not my specific plan.


I am now back on the phone with the insurance company. They gave me 3 more #'s. One is out of service, one doesn't handle what I need and the third does not answer the phone. so back to the insurnace company.

they have Nordstom as a contracted provider. LOL. I can't believe they can't just pull up ostomy contracts. This is insane.

there latest idea? Go talk to the wound care nurse - she has to call the insurnace company and request use of an out of network provider but allowing pay at an in network provider scale.

don't get me started on the healthcare in our country. I just want what our United States Congress has. I bet they don't have to call for in network vs out ofnetwork coverage. Or worry about it being covered.