Sunday

Scott came up and read to Drew tonight. I know Scott has missed being able to do that. And I know how much Drew missed his special Daddy time. Every day we see improvement. He starts back to work part time tomorrow.

I have 2 Christmas presents done. Lots to go but I have to figure out why my shoulder is hurting so much first. I am going to go to the doc tomorrow to see what the deal is.

today

Today I started my end of co dependency. Last night I told Drew when he woke up to let me sleep. If needed something he could ask dad but I needed to sleep. Scott was a little upset that Drew did wake him up but I reminded him that I had nto slept well for the past 2 nights and it was time to decide if he was well or an invalid. If he chose invalid I was going to remove the TV, Phone and computer from his room because if he was that sick he didn't need the distractions of those things interferring with him getting better. He decided he was well. I went and ran my errands, told Scott where I was stopping for lunch. He said he wasn't sure if he could eat that, I told him if he didn't feel he should/could eat it that there was left overs in the fridge. He chose what I as having. He is currently out for a walk. He goes back to work part time from home Monday. I am going to have him learn how to at least dress the main wound today. It is not hard. 4 peieces of gauze and some tape. I had him call the new lawn people the other day. When the called back he let the machine pick it up and told me they called back. I said I knew it and he needed to return the call to set up a time to get an estimate.

Phil will find when he gets here, I am not as accessible. I have already been trying to get him to phone less. Until he decided to move here it was working. If I was in the middle of soemthing I would tell him I would call back. I did call back but not always on his time table. HEy it is babysteps but I am getting there.

on edge

I feel like I am about to explode. I don't know why I am so edgy but I feel like a powder keg ready to go KABOOOOOMMMMM. and heaven help who ever is on the other end. Every little thing that anyone does makes me jumpy.

My shoulders are killing me. I am not sleeping. Me who has always loved to talk on the phone hates to hear it ring lately. I just want to be left alone. i want no responsibility for a while.

Yeah, I know that is not about to happen. I refuse to feel guilty about having everyone eat leftovers tonight. I refuse to feel guilty that all I want is a bath in my tub and no noise. I refuse to feel guilty that I want my husband to take responsibility for taking care of his wound and ostomy. I refuse to feel guilty. PERIOD. If he can take a conference call when he is not to be working than he can go get his own left overs. i have been at his beck and call for a month now and I am tired and DONE. All I want to do is get in my car and drive to Tahoe or Reno. Maybe come back maybe not - who knows.

I thank my dad and MIL for their moral support but it is time that Scott start to accept some of the responsibilty. I can't come to his office everytime he needs something when he is released to go tot he office. He has to be prepared. I have done all the men in my life a big disservice by being there 24/7 since Drew was born.

I keep asking my friends when it is my turn. Guess what my turn is now.

On the mend

I can't thank Mary Lou and my dad for coming out at different times to help during the emergency with Scott. They have both been a lifesaver. I wish my dad could stay longer because I am really having fun having him here.

Scott is on the mend. He is up more. Still sleeping down stairs but at least he is now cooking his own breakfast and today he cleaned the counters in the kitchen. Monday he will officially start working from home up to 20 hours a week. He sees the doc on the 14th and will probably be cleared to work 40 hours from home at that point.

Phil is telling his cousins his decision tonight. He seems to believe this is the best for him. I know this is a very hard decision for him. He will be leaving Topeka on December 20th so he should be here by Christmas Eve- depending on the weather.


FTPD
C

never ceases to amaze me

You would think by 19, almost 20 that Phil would be old hat and he wouldn't surprise me. WRONGO BUFFALO!!!!!

I get a text this AM saying he missed doing math and science. So I tell him to take them. He then calls and says Mom, what have I always wanted to do. I said be a doctor. He said yes and I can't do that here. There are too many temptations in the Frat. I can't study the way he needs and he realized he was taking the easy way out by going into Criminal Justice. He has asked to come here and go to the community college and then transfer to Sac State next year. For the time being he will live at home. He has made contact with the Sig Ep chapter at SacState and they have invited him to hang with them.

Not sure if this will really happen but I personally think it will be good for him. He talks about the promises he made to Grammy and Trent. He wants to save lives. He knows to be Dr. Phil he will have to sacrfice. It will really bother him to leave the frat but he can go back and visit and from what I ahve already heard I will have the Sig Ep house sleeping in my bonus room over spring break.

Another first

This is such a historic day. Tonight we will have the first African American president or the first woman VP. I personally am hoping for the first. But no matter, Americans are turning out in record numbers to cast votes.

Do you remember the first time you voted in a Presidential election? How did it feel as you were waiting in line? What about after you turned your paper or flipped that switch? did you go to a watch party to wait out the returns? Or did you just skip it all and not care?

Today in my life is another first. Phil is old enough to cast his ballot. It doesn't seem possible. I remember in Florida when we lived there. They had ballots for kids - names like George Washington, John Adams adorned the kids ballots. But it gave them a sense of pride that they were being treated as adults.

Today, Phil will walk into a polling place and cast a ballot. he will have the opportunity for the first time in his adult life to voice his opinion on how he wants the country run. He will get to have a voice in the direction of what happens in the future.

I hope he understands that this is a fundamental cornerstone of our country. I hope he takes it seriously.

This just in. As I was typing this he called and had voted. "performed his civic duty" as he called it. five minute wait in Topeka kansas as of 11:45AM.

Feels like Kansas

I had to check a map today. It is 60 degrees and rainy and windy. Thought a tornado had picked me up and took me back to Kansas. Nope I was still in California. It is funny to see people in heavy coats, hats and scarves when it is 60 degrees. In Kansas that is sweater weather but not heavy coat weather. I think my blood must have thinned out. I would have killed for a pair of gloves when I was picking up Drew this afternoon.

Long Day

The first Sunday in November...the day many wait for to grab that extra hour of sleep. Unfortunately I did not get mine this time around. At 3 the phone goes off. It is Scott down stairs - same symptoms as the last Pulmonary Embolism. I rush down stairs. Grab the phone. He agrees to let me call 911. At least they didn't come with lights and sirens blazing. They took Scott to the hospital. I stayed and got Drew up and dressed. He was surprisingly very cooperative give it was 330 in the morning. Drove to the hospital downtown. they can't figure out what is causing the problems and why he is clotting. He is on anti coagulation therapy that is monitored daily. Strange thing. Yesterday it was 2.6 and 12 hours later it had dropped to 2.2. Very strange.

thank goodness for Facebook. I didn't want to call and bother my family in Kansas at that horrid hour.

Before I left the house I posted I was headed to the hospital. I knew my sis always checks her Facebook in the morning and would see it. I I was right. She called me at the hospital early. She also got ahold of my dad. He will be here tomorrow. Mary Lou left yesterday.

So while many were enjoying an extra 60 minutes of sleep, I had an extra 60 minutes to be Thankful for modern medicine that kept my husband alive yet again. And for modern technology that alerted my family that things were not well here in California.

Always have

Faith, Trust and lots of Pixie Dust

traditions

Well Halloween has come and gone. time to start thinking about Turkey and stuffing. Time to start thinking about tiny tots with eyes all a-glow, and folks dressed up like eskimos - OK I know we are in California but I am with all my midwest friends in spirit.

I wanted to start a new tradition but Scott getting sick kind of messed it up. But hopefully next year, it will be come tradition that Drew, Scott and I go on a vacation over Thanksgiving break. We were to go to Disney Land this year but not happening now.

I also wanted to start the tradition of going on the Polar Express during Christmas but I missed getting tickets because - you guessed it - Scott was sick. Boy, does he know how to mess my ideas. LOL.

Last year Scott and I took Drew to Toys R us and had him pick a toy. while he was picking it we explained it would not be something he could keep. It would be given to the Marines outside who would make sure a boy or girl who didn't have Christmas presents would get it. He has already asked when he gets to buy that present again. Makes my heart warm.

I was looking at Pottery Barn Kids catalog today and I got a cool idea. They have a large Santa bag that can be personalized. I am going to get one with our name on it. It will sit empty under the tree and on Christmas morning that is where every one will find their Santa presents. This is something we will be able to do for years. Someday if my boys decide to have kids I will get to do it with my grandkids. Mastercard 30.00. Memories - priceless.

I wish my family could be together this year. We are hoping next year to be in Kansas. My dad and sis will be together with their spouses. Mary Lou will have her sisters join her from the East Coast. Phil will get here at some time. Jsut don't know when yet. It seems funny not to be with my dad and sister again this year. But we will all be together in spirit and our memories of Donny Osmond records, doll houses, chickenpox, and crayons in ears.

May you always have
Faith Trust and Pixie dust
C

Knitting Cheers

Making your way in the world today, Takes everything you've got; Taking a break from all your worries, Sure would help a lot

Wouldn't you like to get away? All those night when you've got no lights,The check is in the mail;And your little angelHung the cat up by it's tail;And your third fiance didn't show;

Sometimes you want to goWhere everybody knows your name,And they're always glad you came;You want to be where you can see,Our troubles are all the same;You want to be where everybody knows your name.

Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;The morning's looking bright;And your shrink ran off to Europe,And didn't even write;And your husband wants to be a girl;

Be glad there's one place in the worldWhere everybody knows your name,And they're always glad you came;You want to go where people know,People are all the same;You want to go where everybody knows your name.


With everything that has been going on my comfort has been taking a few minutes from time to time to run to my fave yarn store in the area. The women at the Yarn Shoppe are just wonderful. The first time I walked in there a few months ago I felt so at home. There was a big table with woman just sitting and visiting and knitting. they immediately invited me to join their weekly group.

Since Scott has been sick this place has been a god send. They always ask how Scott is and if I am taking care of my self. One day I just needed to get away and I just went in and sat down at the table and like usual there were people at the table doing all kinds of projects. It was so warm and inviting. Anna, the owner, even had her boxer, Roxie there. It was theraputic to sit and just pet the dog and get Boxer slobber on my toes.

I have found since Scott got sick that I feel better being surrounded by bright colors, and different textures. It gives me a sense of calm and peace.

I have had a great time knitting lately with Alpaca yarn. It is so soft and sensual. I hope to make an afghan out of it after the holidays. Something I can wrap up in and feel safe and protected. Kind of like when you are little and you need your mommy to hug you and make it all better. That is what I need right now.

At the Yarn Shoppe I feel like I am walking in to Cheers. Everyone knows my name.

Update on Scott

For everyone who has not heard from me I am sorry. Scott went back into the hospital Thursday afternoon. He had a Pulmonary Embolism. Pretty scary stuff. We caught it in time. Thanks to a remarkable Dr. Hacker. Who was also the one who convinced Scott to go to the hospital 2 weeks ago when he was in pain and didn't realize his colon perforated.

Scott has some guardian angels watching out for him. He is home. He is receiving shots twice a day of a drug that was over 1700.00 for an eight day supply. Thank goodness for insurance. He is also on Coumidin for the next 6 months so his second surgery to repair his bowel has to be postponed for a while. At least he is alive and home.

Mary Lou is still here. She will be leaving next weekend barring anything unforeseen. She figures since she is here she should enjoy Halloween with us. She and I both have colds which have knocked us for a loop. We are trying to get rest and stay hydrated (I am listening Anna).

There is so much paperwork to do for disablity. Even short term. I feel inundated. I am very thankful for the support of all of our family and friends thru this. Your support and kind thoughts words, prayers, and deeds have been greatly appreciated.

Always have
Fatih Trust and Pixie Dust.

Lay a way

Well it is that time of year again. time to start thinking of Christmas shopping. I used to use Walmart for lay a way. For the simple fact that I could "hide" the presents there until right before the holidays. It made it very easy to keep prying eyes away from things. I was very very upset when Walmart stopped this practice. it was the main reason they got my holiday money.

I thought with the economy the way it is that Walmart would reinstitue their lay away plan. I was wrong. I emailed them and was told that it was not on their long term goals to do layaway.

Then last night I found out another chain has lay away. good old blue light special Kmart. I am headed there today to put Drew's presents on lay away. I think Walmart is really missing an opportunity. But I never liked the evil giant anyway. I haven't been to a Kmart in years. I am more than willing to spend my Christmas dollars there.

Phil is rearrangign his plans for the holidays. He has decided to come to California in December. This illness with his dad has made him really homesick. He plans on coming mid December - right after finals. He will be here about a month. I am thrilled. I know he wanted to spend the holidays with the Stevens clan but he says he sees them all the time and needs a hug from good ole mom. I am still holding out hope that Yoo Sung is able to come as well.

Scott is doing well. He came to the breakfast table this morning. I think he will be back at work paqrt time this week. Working from home. he is really nervous about going back full time - esp the ostomy.

I just finished filling out my ballot for the election. mailing it in a few mintues.

Please keep our friends the Gaumer family in your prayers. Rex had a stroke this week and now looks like he has a PE and may not survive.

Thanks
FTPD
Cathy

Friday

Scott is home. Home Health care is due sometime as well as PT. Insurance sucks. I love my mother in law. I have great friends. I am in need of major me time. Trying to get some of that this afternoon.

Oh make sure you check out All Thumbs. Great post about a new site. YouData.
FTPD

Insurance

Frustration is all I can say. I met with the wound care people at the hospital yesterday. I was told that I needed to find out who covered DME and wound care supplies so they could be ordered for home use. TALK about a flipping nightmare. the woman yesterday at the insurance company said we were covered but couldn't tell me who the contract was with. She wasn't even sure what ostomy supplies were. She gave me some names. I called the insurance company back today to ask about some other supplies. The person told me that another company could handle it all. so I called them and was told they don't cover the items thru my plan. They gave me the name of another place and I called them - they are contracted with my insurnce company but not my specific plan.


I am now back on the phone with the insurance company. They gave me 3 more #'s. One is out of service, one doesn't handle what I need and the third does not answer the phone. so back to the insurnace company.

they have Nordstom as a contracted provider. LOL. I can't believe they can't just pull up ostomy contracts. This is insane.

there latest idea? Go talk to the wound care nurse - she has to call the insurnace company and request use of an out of network provider but allowing pay at an in network provider scale.

don't get me started on the healthcare in our country. I just want what our United States Congress has. I bet they don't have to call for in network vs out ofnetwork coverage. Or worry about it being covered.

Long week

It has been a long week. Short of it. Scott ended up with a perforated colon. He had emergency surgery on Thursday night. He will get out of ICU today. He won't be out of hte hosptial until late next week. Dad and Andrea should be here tomorrow and ML will be here Wed. ML told me my job was Scott and her job would be Drew and the house. If she found out I cleaned or did laundry before she got here she would turn around and go home. No argument from me. Me who hates house cleaning arguing with someone who actually WANTS to clean my house. I really wish she would move in.

I did win the soap give away on AllThumbs. Thanks Lori and Chicklet Right now they are having a salsa give away. Stop by and check it out. The three best sob stories win. They have such a great site.

HEre is a link to a Youtube video featuring Phil. He was chairperson for Homecoming at Washburn for his Fraternity this year. They were partnered with theDelta Gams. The link is their campus wininng dance sequence at Yell Like Hell pep rally. the theme was "give our regards to broadway" They got the float finished at 5 this morning and I am waiting to here how it did. In the video, Phil is on the far left of your computer screen as it starts so you can follow him.

Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and prayers for us and Scott right now. I will keep everyone updated.

Faith Trust and Pixie Dust.
C

Soap

My buddies over at All thumbs (see right side of page for link to their site) are having a new contest. I won their Melting Pot contest.

Lori and I have lots in common but I just found out she has the same affinity for soap. I love the aroma of a good soap. I particulary like soaps that are citrus smelling. I use lavendar to relax at night but citrus smells to wake up. I also hide soap in my "unmentionable" drawer. Every bath room has to have a collection of different soaps for my guests. I could spend hours in soap stores. There is just something about them. I have had an affinity for soap since I was little and discovered Crabtree & Evelyn.

Check out the new contest and if you win and I don't - you have to share the prize with me.

Faith Trust & Pixie Dust

C

allergies and Dining

Drew has developed an allergy to most nuts. Nothing serious but we have been told not to go out of our way to give him peanuts. I have an allergy to pork. It makes eating out a challenge. I have found a wonderful website. Worry Free dinners. I found them after reading an article on CNN about them. Right now it appears that they serve the NY area but will soon be in CA. I will be jumping on board the WFD train as soon as it arrives. I have our applications for membership. There is no cost to join. They sponser restaruant outings for those who are allergy challenged. Check out the blog above for more info.

I have found orginally 2 now 3 places that that really seem concerned about allergies. Disney is very onboard with taking care of guests with allergies. all you have to do is tell them when you make reservations and remind them when you check in to eat. usually the chef will come out and visit with you and make special dishes that will accomadate your alleriges.

Pappadeaux Seafood Kitchen in Albuquerque is great about allergies as well. I have never had such attention about my allergy before. i mentioned it to the waiter and the next thing I knew the manager was at my table assuring me that my food would be cooked in new pans, to ensure no cross contamination. the chef delivered it to my table. he even brought a few other tidbits for me to try that were pork free.

We went to Melting Pot this weekend with Drew for dinner. They brought Drew extra white bread because they weren't sure which onesof the dark breads might contain peanut residue. Scott and I had the dinenr for 2 and it contained BBQ pork. They actually put it on a seperate plate to ensure no contamination of the rest of the food. Scott said it was delish.

There are several restaurants I can't eat out. One that sticks out is Red Robin. Even tho I have told them about the allergy, I found out that the burgers and bacon are cooked on the same grill so if you have a burger it may have remnants of bacon fat on it. A big problem for me.

If you know of restaurants that accomadate allergies - let me know. I get tired of eating at home because of the worries about what might be cross contaimnated.

FTPD

C

Twilight

I thought I talked about this before but I can't find it so....

My sis got me hooked on a new series of books. Twilight. Vampires? Werewolves? Being 17 forever? HMMMMMM?

I became even more intrigued when she started sending me "flair" on Facebook with hints from the books.

I am actually enjoying it very much. I have finished the first 2 and will be picking up # 3 this week. I have even joined an online book club to discuss the books. If you have read the books or want to know more about them or the book club check this out.

Some people compare them to Anne Rice or Harry Potter. Nope not even close. This target audience is for teen to college age girls. HP is for younger kids and Rice's novels are for us old folks. But after reading Twilight I was taken back to my teen days when I didn't quite fit in, didn't have any close friends. I could have used an Edward to sweep me off my feet and protect me from the cruelties of high school. I could have used an Alice to confide all my secrets to. Who wouldn't want Emse and Carlisle for parents?

I found my self in book 2 wanting to rush thru to find Edward. But I made myself read each page and I am glad I did. It made the reappearance of Edward all that more special.

To whom ever posted the transcript to book 5 on the web, I don't like you. I feel you stole some special information that could have been revealed about Edward and his past.

Meyers writing had me turning the pages as fast as I can. I am drawn into the feelings and thoughts of all the characters. When I finish a book I can't wait to get the next one so I can be drawn back in to Forks and the small town atmosphere where everyone knows everyone and wonders about the town secrets.

I have come to the conclusion that even at 41 I am secretly in love with Edward. Sorry Scott.

PLDP

C

Accept

When do you let them grow up? When do you say I have done all I can? When do you realize that you have given them your values, morals, your all and know they have to make their own decisions? I guess now is that time.

Phil has talked off and on about going into the military for some time. He talks about it, then drops it, then talks about it again. I have told him my feelings. I know we need people to fight for our country, but why my kid? I raised him to believe in right vs wrong. To stand up for the little guy. To believe in himself. To do the right thing in all instances.

He came to me this week and said he was considering joining the Marines. WTH?!?!?! He had been talking to a Marine recruiter and found a program where he can spend the next 2 summers in VA getting trainins and then when he gradutes be a 2nd Lt.

He proved to me he really wanted this when he had to go get a PFT to show his asthma would not be a problem. He had the PFT with in 24 hours of being told by the recruiter he needed to get it. First time in a long time I have seen him motivated to get something done.

I am a typical mom. I worry, I fret. Everyone knows what a bond we share. What would I do if something happened to him? I can't imagine my life with out him around. Doesn't he understand there is a war on 2 fronts and he would be sent there, in harms way? Does he really understand it is an 8 year commitment? I know he sees this as a stepping stone to his ultimate career goal but isn't there another way to get there?

I have to accept that I raised him to do the right thing, to follow his heart and his head, to fight for the little guy. I have to accept I can't keep him my little boy forever. I have to accept this is an adult decision and one he has to make. I have to accept this is the path he wants to choose for himself.

I have to accept he is a man. A man I am proud to call my son.

Broken nose

Not me. Drew. He was at school today on the playground and turned around and ran right into another little boy who was running. They cracked foreheads and Drew got a bloody nose. They took him to the office and tried to call me. I was out shopping and my phone had fallen out of my purse onto the floor of the car. when I found it I had 7 missed calls from the school and from Scott. I raced home while breaking several speed limits and the cell phone laws. I called the doc and got him in at once. they sent us for Xrays. The nurse called a little while ago with the news. It is broken and we see an ENT on Monday. Keep Drew quiet for the weekend - obviously she doesn't have a 6 year old. Ice it 5-6 times a day. This to the kid who hates cold? Plus it is broken and the last thing he wants is ANYTHING heavy on it. Keep his head elevated when he sleeps. That should go over well. Drew has been a little indignant about the this. His problem. The other kid didn't get hurt nor did he say he was sorry.

I am off to Michaels to pick up some crafts to get us thru the weekend. Like that will work but I have to say I tried.