a testiment to friendship

A friend of ours back in Lawrence has been living every parent's nightmare. Their daughter was diagnosed with Cancer a few months ago. The prognosis is good from what I understand. The young lady's father was Phil's home room teacher at Seabury for 5 years and his upper level math teacher. He is a quiet man who lives his life for his family. I can only imagine what a pillar of strength Arnie is being right now on the out side but so worried on the inside.

I found this on the Lawrence Journal World website about Annika's friends who wanted to help. These were some pretty talented kids and the song is amazing. Click on the circle on the left hand side of the page. If you don't shed a tear you have ice water in your veins. Maybe you can find a way to help as well.

They can use all the pixie dust we can send them.

Cathy

http://www2.ljworld.com/news/2009/mar/22/soldier-without-armor-raintree-students-produce-cd/

I screwed up.

I blew it as a mom today. I spoke my mind and wasn't supportive. Phil had been a holding pattern about the Navy. He was waiting for waivers for medical exemptions. I never dreamed he would get them. Today as we were getting ready for the day. He came down plopped in a chair and said "I got the waivers" I don't know if it was how he said it, the timing (the day before he leaves) or what but I said all the wrong things.

Now he thinks I don't support him. He is now trying to figure how to make me happy. As a mom I have so many mixed emotions. I want him happy. I truly do. BUt as a mom I don't want him in harms way. AS a mom all I want to do is keep him in a coccoon for ever. I know that is not possible.

He has shown me that he wants this more than anything. I am proud of his decision. But it hit me that tonight might be my last night with him for a long long time. Inside I am screaming I am proud of you but I am also crying.

A friend whose son is in the NAvy said it was Ok to cry. Good. I seem to be good at that. Not good at saying the right thing, however. My only wish is that he would wait until he got out of college to go in. It is so much better to go in as an Officer. But this is the path he chooses and as such I go as cheerleader, friend, devil's advocate but most importantly mom.

GO FOR IT PHIL. I will always have your back.

MOM

nothing

I have been trying to figure out what to blog about. Nothing seems worth blogging about

This afternoon, Scott was out in the garage and found a music box my grandmother had given me. I had forgotten about it. I opened it and inside were a locket with pics of my grandparents when they were young as well as a small picture of my dad when he was a baby. Made me nostalgic. I went to the gargae and rummaged thru some boxes and found a doll that my grandmother made. It was a replica of her when she was Worthy Matron of Eastern Star, as well as a plate she painted of two little girls walking togheter. Made me think about my sis.

In another box I found my high school memories. Poetry I had written, cards people had given me etc. Looked at the cards and wondered why I kept them. The people who gave them to me now mean nothing to me. Funny how our priorities change. I found the newspaper from my high school that celebrated out graduation. On the front page were pics of the "in" crowd. I talk to many of them on facebook. I keep wondering if they will be mad if I reveal what they looked like in their younger days.

I found my baby book, Phils baby book as well as pics of him as little guy. The memories were intense.

That is about it.

Drew logic

Last night I was working on the computer and Drew walks in.

He told me"Daddy is getting married"
I ask "To who"
Drew " His video game"
Me "Why"
Drew " Because he loves it"
Me "there may be a problem with that - He is already married to me"
Drew "prepared to be dumped."

Another Saturday

you have heard the song - Just Another Manic Monday. Today is Just Another Simple Saturday.

Drew was up at the crack of dawn. His new medicine is helping him sleep better. Since he is getting more rest while he sleeps he is getting up much earlier and in a better mood. Today it was 6:30. Of course he didn't bother Scott. He came to see me. I convinced him to climb up in my bed for a while. finally after an hour of him asking every 10 minutes if it was morning I gave in and got up. At that point it was a MUST HAVE COFFEE moment. Gotta love my Keurig. 45 seconds later a nice big cup of java. Not as good as J& S but the best I could do. (Sarah if you are ever giving away coffee let me know.) AT 830 Scott joined us and at 9 I started breakfast. It was nice to make a family breakfast. Eggs, turkey bacon, potatoes and toast. I miss times like that. All four of us around the table. They are certainly few and far between.

There has been some Saturday morning house cleaning. I have had a couple hours of work for the Yarn Shoppe, mainly computer stuff.

Now to enjoy the day with my family.

C

Fiber

With the fun I have been having at the yarn shop lately, I have become more and more interested in Hand dyed and spun fibers. I have told Scott I want to look into taking a spinning class.

I have found the most incredible site to get hand dyed fibers. Actually PhatFiber supports many artists who spin and dye wool. She has a monthly box that can be bought. I haven't been lucky enough to purchase one They sell out so fast. They are offered one day a a month and when the are gone they are gone.

This week she is having some awesome give aways. Check out Phatfiber.blogspot.com and enter some of her fantastic drawings. I have been able to find yarn at each giveaway site that I am simpling drooling over. Mabe if my ship comes in - or California gives me my tax refund I can grab some before it is gone.

Awesome stuff Phat Fiber.

feeling good

For the first time in a long time I feel good. Not just physically but mentally. It actually worries me because I don't remember feeling like this for a long long time. I am enjoying my work at the Yarn Shoppe. Frank is up and running. I am doing some teaching of classes.

Drew is on a medicine that is making the differnece between night and day. His teacher says the change is remarkable. He is able to do his work, the outside noise doesn't seem to bother him as much. He made it into BEAM Club - Be Excited About Math. He had a series of tasks he had to accomplish over the year - count orally to 75, write his numbers to 30 - with NO reversals, use flash cards to put the numbers 1-30 in order, identify all his coins, and know his shapes - including his 3D shapes - He got it done this week!!!! He gets a special T-shirt and recognition from the Principal. It is a big deal. Once he does his site words for his teacher he will also be in BEAR club - can you guess what it stands for?

Phil is still trying to figure out life. It is Ok at 20 who knew what they wanted to do. Heck I thought I had it figured otu at 25, then again at 34 and now at 41 I am reinventing myself once again. It is a growing process and no one expects him to figure it out all at once. I think what he doesn't realize is that many kids his age don't have it figured out but htey are not smart enough to admit it.

Scott is so ready for his surgery. I worry so much about him. He has good days and bad days. This can't get hear fast enough for all of us.

I am trying not to wait for the other shoe to drop but in the back of my mind I keep expecting it. Guess I just need more
Faith, trust and pixie dust
C

missing teeth

Yesterday was exciting. Drew has had 2 loose teeth. One of them had the other tooth almost all the way in but because of his sensory issues he would not wiggle the baby tooth to get it to fall out. He had an appt for this upcoming Thursday to have it pulled if it hadn't fallen out on its own.

Some how, Drew managed to get the most wiggly tooth lodged behind this other front bottom tooth. It couldn't be moved back. So I had to call the dentist. They managed to get him.

Now the dentist Drew goes to is for kids only. I have tried to talk them in to taking adults - or at least adults who have fears of the adult dentist. Talk about a racket. They have a waiting room filled with games, toys, movies and video games. They also have a patio with a rock climbing wall and bikes and trikes to ride while kids wait. I noticed they even have magazines such as AMerican Cheerleader. Above every station there is a TV secured in the ceiling for the kids to watch while they are getting their teeth cleaned or worked on. They give them headphones to listen to the movies thru. The kids even get sunglasses to wear because of how bright the dentist lights can be. It is quite a production. After the appt if they have no cavities they are issued a certificate of achievement for being in the no cavity club. They get a grab bag of toys, balloons, toothbrush, toothpaste, floss. Plus they get their picture taken and it is put on a magnetic card to take home for the fridge. All I got was a toothbrush and Colgate toothpaste.

So we had this emergency appt. They gave Drew nitrous oxcide before they administed the novicane. The nitrous was "flavored" with bubble gum. He was a riot. He kept saying 3, 2, 1, blastoff and would shove his legs up in teh air. The nurse and I couldn't stop laughing. He was a trooper. They had to pull the front 2 bottom teeth. He walked out of there with 2 balloons, a new airplane and 2 stickers.

It only looks like one tooth is missing because the adult toot on the right was so far in behind the baby tooth.

Then the toothfairy brought him 3 dollars. It cost me 94.00 in copay. Some how I think he got the better end of the deal.

OK I get it. I am not in control

I have always had control issues. I have to be in control. If I can't control it I feel helpless. So in the past week here is a short list of what is not in my control. Phil joining the Navy, Drew finally getting a DX of PDD-NOS and Fetal Alcohol Effect, and the news from Scott's upcoming surgery. They missed some diverticuli and have to remove 4-6 more inches of his colon. so they have to open him up from his sternum to his the bottom edge of his stomach. Recvoery - instead of being 2 weeks- will now be up to 6.

I know I am not in control. I get it God. Now help me get control of my issues of helplessness.

unexpected visit

Phil and one of his frat brothers decided to come out for spring break. I had forgotten about spring break. Drew's spring break isn't until the beginning of April. Funny how priorities change as kids grow. I was so focused on Drew and his spring break I forgot about phil having one.

Anyway the boys decided they needed to go somewhere so here they come. I think this house is just a repository for clothes and to sleep. I know they are headed to San Fran for a day. We are talking about a day at Six flags on Saturday. Phil wants to take Mccomas to In n out burger - west coast must do.

Other than that I am hoping for a quiet few days with phil and getting to know Mccomas.

Edited to add - Phil arrives March 12.

Pixie dust to all
C

Wish I had the guts

I have commented about Phil joining the Navy. The more I read the prouder I become. I tell him that everytime I talk to him.

I have found 2 wonderful support groups who have answered my questions, put me in touch with their sons to answer Phil's questions, give support when I feel overwhelmed. These groups are amazing. They never feel any question is to silly or emotion too ridiculous.

I had someone (non Navy)tell me not to cry in front of Phil. Navy mom's will tell you it is OK 1) because you are proud, scared, terrified, happy, sad. and 2) if you don't let them see the emotion they may feel you are hiding something and then they worry about you when they need to be concentrating on what is really important.

I wish I had the guts to tell all the well meaning people who say - it is just like going away to college, or they have no clue what he is in for or it will be good for him to be taken down a notch to just SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!! We need your support right now. We need you to tell Phil you are proud of him and that no matter what happens you will be there. Don't tell him the horror stories of what someone may tell you. Don't tell me I have my head buried in the sand. I don't. This is my child we are talking about. My first born. I have spent hours on the internet researching, asking questions, taking notes, understanding this new way of life. I have much more to learn but I will learn it for Phil's sake and for my sake.

You may know some one in the army, marines or who was in the NAvy in the past but this is the Navy NOW!!!!! I am in daily contact with women who are living it, Who have kids doing what Phil wants to do, who have washed out of what Phil wants to do, who tell me what to expect every step of the way. these women have given me and my immediate family more support in the past week than you would believe. I have heard from Nuke School mom's, Mom's of DEP's, Mom's of BC, those who just got out of PIR and are headed for Class A, B, or C school. I know the difference between grad and go and a weekend of liberty when he goes thru PIR. I now know the difference between a frigget and an aircraft carrier. I know what to expect when the form letter comes from basic, and that "kid in a box" is not death but all of their belongings they reliquish at boot camp. My cell phone will be come my appendage and the postman will think I am a stalker. I have been told the STar Bangle Banner takes on new meaning. I know to have Phil get a package A for his photos, and that a good graduation gift is in addition to something nice several packages of Hanes extra soft undershirts. The Navy issue ones are very scratchy.

If you know what any of the things above mean then you are a NAvy mom and know how important it is to get and recieve support. If you don't then please don't give even well meaning advice, just tell Phil he can do anything he sets his mind to, that you are proud of him, and Thank You for what he is doing. And for me, just be there when I am missing my kid and need a friend to talk to.

Awesome new product

I have to tell you my friend - All Thumbs aka Lori has an awesome new product review on her website. You have to check it out. it is an earbud detangler.

You have got to check it out. http://allthumbsreviews.blogspot.com/2009/02/tangled-earphone-cords-product-review.html

I look at some of her reviews and think - why didn't I think of that? My earbud for my phone gets tangled as does my Ipod ear bud. These will make it super easy to keep them wound and easy to manage. Make sure you get there to check it out.

And make sure you tell her Cathy Sent ya.

Proud Mom

It has been a roller coaster week. But I have to say I am proud of Phil. My son will soon be a member of the US NAVY. It has taken some getting used to but once I got past the sinking feeling that my son was over his head and didn't know what he was thinking, I realized this was something he needed to do for whatever reason. He has told me for years he wanted to make a difference. I think he found a way to do it.

I have cried tears of fear, tears of joy, tears of being a proud mom.

Now I am sure there will be rants on here about missing him and wondering what he was thinking. I have been reading Navy Mom forums and blogs and have gotten a better idea of what to expect and that has helped so much. I think a lot of my apprehension was fear of the unknown.

Now I know when he goes to basic I will get 3 phone calls if I am lucky. He will only be able to write letters on Sundays. But he will live for mail from all of us. He goes to MEP next week - Military Enlisted Processing. He will take his placement test and that will determine when he will go to basic. Then if he gets his first choice after basic he will head to Goose Creek SC for 18 months of training. At that point he will be assigned a ship(not a boat as I have been corrected way to many times - if it floats it is a boat in my opnion.) He plans on requesting a Pacific home port. He will then spend 6 months at sea and 6 months in his home port for 4 years.

So that is the latest. I will post about our trip to reno tomorrow.

Frank

Let me introduce you to Frank. Frank is my friend. He is a sheep that lives at my favorite yarn shop in Elk Grove. Frank likes to travel. Frank has a big family. Frank will travel and blog about his trip. While he is gone on his excursions his family will fill in. His family is quite unique. There is Percy the Pink Llama, best friends Ebony and Ivory, Frankie the little sister, Teresa (Teri) and her son Rodney, Violet the baby of the family. There are others who will check in from time to time as well.

www.frankthemascot.blogspot.com

Frank already has plans to go to Reno next week, Disney in March, 2 cruises in April, Kansas - we hope in June.

Please follow Frank on his escapades and meet his family. If you ever find yourself in Elk Grove California - stop by the Yarn Shoppe, knit a spell, and meet Frank, his family and friends.

C

Hate being responsible

I HATE being a responsible adult. I hate doing the right thing. But being a responsible adult and trying to set a good example for my kids.

I just canceled both of our trips to Disney. It wasn't that we couldn't afford them I just didn't want to given the current state of the economy.

I found a wonderful deal in Reno for Feb 19-22. total room cost for 3 nights 130.00 Then for Drew to take a ski lesson or two will be about 100.00. The hotel is offering credits for the casino as well as the midway and dining credits. So we will do that and it will be cheaper. Disney for 3 days ticets alone were going to be 450.00. Drew had no idea so we don't have to worry about him being disappointed.

We also decided that instead of flying to Florida for Christmas it would be fiscally more responsible to go to Anaheim. We can do LegoLand, Universal, etc and it will still be cheaper that Disney. And we don't have to pay airfare.

I just have to take my pixie dust in different ways given the economic climate.

Always remember there is pixie dust you just may have to look a little harder sometimes for it.

Cathy

update on the teenager

Well, he made it thru surgery just fine. His jaw is wired shut for the next 4 weeks or so. May be up to 6. Just depends on how well it heals.

The problem is - as with all teenagers - he thinks he knows that is best. The doc said he must be under ADULT supervision until Sunday. So he is at his grandparents house. He is not to go to school until Monday so I emailed his teachers telling them what was going on. He is bound and determined to try and go to school tomorrow afternoon. His bio teacher agrees he has no business at school. I am waiting to hear from the rest. I told him he was at his grandparents house with out wheels for a reason. He tried to tell me he would have one of the guys at the frat come get him. Mike was not impressed with that news and finally set Phil strait as to how it was going to be. Period.

He is lucky so many people care about him and are willing to drop everything to help him and take care of him. When I talked to Peg she said he was sleeping and seem resigned to his fate - at least for now. She figures if he starts to feel better he may try to negotiate a few hours of parole.

I guess that will depend on the warden on call.

Thanks for the prayers and emails.

C

Update

I am exhausted so this will be short. I am going to bed. We are looking at worse case here. He will have surgery tomorrow morning. they will realign his jaw and then wire it shut for 2-4 weeks. He may have to go back in braces to finish correcting the cross bite that has occurred.

I thank my lucky stars for the people in Topeka. From Dr. Kevin Cassidy, my old friend, who got the ball rolling on getting him to the correct doctors to Dr. Baker who will performing the surgery tomorrow to Mike, Brooke, Peg, and Carol who have all stepped up to take care of him since I can't. Phil wont' fuss with Brooke and so I know I will have my way and that she will look out for him.

Right now I am hitting a brick wall and am totally exhausted. So I will update tomorrow after surgery.

damaged jaws and good friends

I am sitting here waiting to hear from Phil. It the fraternity annual "funk bowl" a fraternity brother took Phil out.

Now the funk bowl is a all out contact tackle football game that is held every year on Superbowl Sunday. There are no helmets or pads for this game. Just "brotherly love" fight to the death leave 'em bleeding football.

Phil called and said Mike was taking him to the minor med because he might have a broken jaw. The docs at minor med did an xray but couldn't see anything. Sent him home with pain pills and orders to call in the morning if not better. Said htey would get him into an ENT?!?!?!

Fast forward to this morning...

He calls and says that he is going for a panoramic xray. They still see nothing but Phil tells me that his bite is off by about 1/4".

I do the only thing I can think of. I call my old friend and Phil's orthodontist from many moons ago. I tell the receptionist my problem. They get Phil in within the hour.

From what I was able to tell from Phil's gritted teeth talk, Kevin took one look, had Phil attempt to bite down and said you need an oral surgeon.

He tried to call the ones where Phil was seen yesterday, but they were all at lunch. So KEvin sent Phil to a new guy in town. HE took one look at phil and got on the phone with Tallgrass and started yelling about how poor their treatment was and why the HE@@ were they trying to get him to an ENT when his nose wasn't broken and his throat wasn't collapsed. This doc tells Tall Grass that they need to have their oral surgeon look at him PDQ. He sends phil to the fraternaity to wait for a call. The oral surgeon from Tall Grass then passes him off to a Dr. Zeller who Phil is currently waiting to see.

Best possible scenario - reset jaw and wire shut for a few days
Worst case scenario - surgery and wire shut for a few weeks????
Either way he is going to drop the weight he wants.

I will update as situation warrents.

Pixie dust comes alive

I looked at Scott yesterday and said we need to escape. It has been a long few months. With my gall bladder surgery and then everything that happened with Scott. I need to re energize.

So off to the phone I go. I manage to get a room on points at the sheraton across from Disney. I got reservatins for valentine's night at Goofy's kitchen. All set to go.

WRONG!!!!

Freinds at the yarn shop told me that we were going President's weekend and that is the absolutely worst weekend to go. Every kid in SoCal will be there as well hs half the kids from NoCal. It is a 3 day weekend so lots of parents head there for the long weekend - rookie resident mistake.

Then

We look at the calendar and realize that Saturday Feb 14 is the start of the of the Tour of California. We have both been looking forward to it. Scott used to race against some of the competitors when he was a kid. Plus a chance to see Lance Armstrong race is a huge pull.

Since he agreed to go to Disney for a weekend the least I can do is move our weekend. So I have changed out dates we not go Feb 19-22. I have to make reservations for goofys kitchen again.

So the plan is that while Drew is at school I will pack overnight bags and leave them in the garage. Scott is leaving work early and when he gets home he will put the bags in the trunk. This way Drew won't know. Then we will load up and head out. I have had many people tell me times to get to anaheim range from 5 hours to 7 hours. Who knows.

I am really looking forward to getting away for a few days.

Here's to a magical weekend with a very generous helping of Pixie dust.

C

Maybe Mom does know something.

I have mentioned is several posts about a girl Phil likes. He has wanted to date her but he was following the advice of the guys in the frat. Big mistake. DO you know what happens when 30+ 20 something guys live together. There is a fear of showing their caring side. Even to the opposite sex.

All Thru Christmas I kept hearing about this young lady. Phil had it bad. He would text her on a continual basis - thang goodness for unlimited texting plans. She would drive him crazy. Anyway, Phil had been following the advice of his frat brothers. They were telling him to be standoffish -and to "just make your move already" He was getting nowhere with her.

The other day he was in a really bad mood. He even took it out me which Scott agreed was unusual. I texted him and told him it was time for tough love. I asked why he was letting everyone else dictate how he persued this girl. Obviously what the guys in the house were telling him weren't getting him anywhere.

He called last night. I get "thanks mom" I am perplexed.

He said " I decided to be myself and do what I knew was right" I am more perplexed.

HE said "you raised me right" OK chalk one up for mom but what the heck are you talking about?

He said " I am not macho and uncaring." OK I agree

He said "I went to the florist and sent XXXX 2 yellow roses yesterday"

HE HAD BEEN LISTENING after all. Years of drilling into him how to treat a girl had paid off.

He is the talk of the young lady's sorority house.

Mom 1 frat brothers 0 (at least in how to treat a lady.)